Counselling Skills Essay Final - Communication And Empathy In Counseling PDF

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The only significant piece of work in this course is a final essay which combines everything you have learned throughout the module. The essay is on the essential qualities or skills of a counseller when in a helping relationship ...

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The helping relationship can be adopted it in a variety of situations from Person Centred Counselling to everyday life. It is formed between an incongruent person, the speaker, and a congruent person, the listener. An incongruent person is ‘inconsistent in different aspects of their behaviour or appearance’ (Carkhuff,1983). they are of unsound mind, for example bi polar or depressed. The helping relationship is formed to enable the listener to become self aware so that they can analyse their problems and figure out how to solve them. The listener is there solely to act as a reflector, they do not advise, judge or share experiences. The speaker must accept that they have a problem and want to be helped and the listener must be willing and able to help them (Rogers,1951). This essay discusses the essential qualities in a helping relationship whilst reflecting on practical tasks done in class and personal experiences which have enhanced my understanding of the helping relationship. There are many qualities needed for a helping relationship to be formed. Rogers (1951) introduced the idea of Core Conditions and said they were vital in the helping relationship. These conditions include Unconditional Positive Regard (UPR), Empathy and Congruence. Unconditional Positive Regard is an attitude. It is basically accepting and supporting the speaker, regardless of background or situation. Mearns and Thorne (1999) take this idea further and state that the distinctiveness of this attitude lies in its consistency. They mean that the more consistent you are in UPR the more it will come across to the speaker. During unit seven we were given scenarios and were to say whether we could accept a person in that given scenario. I found this task helpful as it allowed me to look at UPR in terms of real life situations. Despite this, I feel that many of the situations were dependant on the relationship previously built. I like to think that I could accept a person in any situation however it is hard for me to say as situation is hypothetical and I am unsure how I would react if it were to occur. In terms of personal experience I have to deal with unconditional positive regard all the time. Whenever my sister gets drunk she needs constant love and acceptance. Despite wanting to slap her, put her in a taxi and give her a row for getting so drunk in the first place I treat her with unconditional positive regard and tell her I love her regardless. UPR is essential in the helping relationship so that trust can be formed between the speaker and listener and a comfort zone can be created between them. Without this trust the client would be reserved and would not share information he deems shocking or inappropriate, information he feels he would be judged for. As a result of UPR the speaker is able to express ideas he feels are publicly inappropriate and is able to work through them. Congruence is the concept I find hardest to define. Mearns and Thorne (1999) define it as the state of being of the counsellor when her outward responses to her client consistently match the inner feelings and sensations which she has in relation to the client. I understand it as being honest and genuine when displaying yourself to the listener and doing so consistently. Congruence is essential in a helping relationship is it allows the listener to provide a genuine response which the speaker will notice. This will comfort the speaker as they know it is an honest reaction and trust will be enhanced. Empathy can be described as communicating your sensing’s of his/her world as you look with fresh and unfrightened eyes at elements of which the individual is afraid (Rogers, 1975). This means that you can feel the emotion of the speaker and communicate this back to them but you see it though your own eyes which have not shared the complete experience. Empathy can be shown by tone of voice, facial expression, body movement E.T.C. It is important when communicating empathy that you do so on the same level. You do not take away from or add to the situation. This is so that the client is neither offended at your lack of care nor feels you are taking pity on them or exaggerating their situation. In this sense empathy is similar to reflection of feeling. It is vital not to confuse empathy with sympathy as you will become lost in the speakers emotion. This will result in the failure to help the speaker as you are emotionally involved and are unable to see the wider picture. Empathy is essential in the helping relationship as it allows the listener to experience the world as the speaker sees it and therefore provide genuine empathetic responses. This allows the speaker to feel understood and as a result of the responses to re-analyse themselves. I have learned that understanding theory and putting it into practice are two wildly different things. I completely understand the theory of empathy and the ways to communicate it however I still struggle with displaying it. When we first practiced empathy in a triad I gave appropriate empathetic responses and appeared genuinely empathetic however I still think I felt sympathy on some level. It was an upsetting story and I found it hard to feel the sadness myself as it had not happened to me. An instance where I have been empathetic was when my best friend split up with her boyfriend. She split up with him as she felt a long distance relationship from university would be too much work. In this situation I felt it was easier to empathise as I have a boyfriend and I too would have to create a long distance relationship. Instead of sharing my grief I gave an empathic response ‘you feel it would be too much having to maintain a long distance relationship and work at university also’ to allow her to come to her own conclusion and work though her own problems. This shows I can empathise easier when I can relate to the speaker so hopefully, with practice, my empathic skills should improve.

Alongside the core conditions there are many other qualities essential in helping relationship. The listener must be self aware. This is important as being self aware allows you display congruence and in turn helps the speaker to build trust. It is essential as the listener is often used as a role model. A speakers goal is to become self aware themselves, so that they can understand and resolve their problems, therefore the listener is an ideal role model. It is equally essential so that you know your tolerance level and know when you are not comfortable to handle something. If you are finding a particular client difficult or concerning it is important to realise this to be able to speak about it with your supervisor I feel that naturally I am self-aware as I am always analysing the decisions I make however counselling skills has made me realise this more and has made its importance in the helping relationship clear. It is difficult to know my tolerance level as I have been in few counselling sessions but I like to think I am open minded and that I have enough self awareness to figure out my tolerance level when the time comes. Active listening is an essential quality in the helping relationship. It includes paraphrasing, minimal encouragers and reflection of feeling. ‘Minimal encouragers’ is the blanket term that covers eye contact, verbal responses, body language, tone of voice, silence E.T.C. These are important as they demonstrate to the speaker that you are listening. This encourages them and allows them to go at their own pace. Paraphrasing is described by Nelson-Jones (1997) as rewording speakers’ verbal utterances. It is done by summarising the main points of what has been said and stating it back to the speaker. It is important to actually paraphrase rather than just parrot because it can be annoying for the speaker. In my first triad my paraphrasing was so horrendous that we all burst out laughing at my attempt, it was too stiff and over thought. However as time passed I have learnt that if I just concentrate on listening paraphrasing comes naturally. I have also learnt that paraphrasing should only be used when it aids itself, it should not be forced. Paraphrasing is essential in the helping relationship as it allows the speaker to see how their words are interpreted. This allows the speaker to reflect on what they said which brings more clarity. It is also a way of clarifying anything you do not quite understand. Reflection of feeling is when the listener reflects the emotion they are receiving from the speaker back to them. This can be challenging if the speaker does not like discussing their feelings. The speaker can avoid sharing emotion by stating only the facts or by laughing to hide their real emotion. In this situation it is best to ask them to describe their feelings in order for you to understand and for themselves to become self aware. Reflection of feeling it also hard if you mistake the emotion portrayed by the listener. In one triad I mistook the feeling of nervousness for shyness. Luckily they did not mind and brushed it off but with another client this could have had detrimental effects. It is important that you are very confident of the feeling being perceived before you reflect it back. Reflection of feeling is essential as it allows the speaker to realise their true emotion and become more self aware. Active listening is essential in the helping relationship for many reasons. It is an effective way of showing the speaker that you are engaged in what they are saying and demonstrate your full and undivided attention. It allows the speaker to feel understood, which in turn helps them to understand themselves. Although you may be nothing like the speaker (gay, terminally ill, abused) the speaker will help you to understand them if you appear to be actively listening. It shows that you want to listen and you want to help which makes them willing to try. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, be it formal or informal. Nelson Jones states that trust is a major issue throughout any relationship therefore confidentiality is essential in the helping relationship because it provides a foundation for trust. This allows the speaker to be honest with the listener and with themselves. The contract made during the first counselling session will emphasise confidentiality which again confirms to the client that whatever they say is in confidence and will not repeated. In counselling, there are times when confidentiality must be broken. This is when there is potential harm to the speaker or to someone that the speaker might harm. This is also explained to the speaker in the first counselling session and if this situation occurs then the speaker is informed before confidentiality is broken. I feel that it is hard to define when confidentiality should be broken as it depends on the situation and the specific relationship with that speaker. There are a lot of grey areas in counselling and the final decision is usually with the counsellor. I feel that counselling skills has given me the confidence and knowledge to create my own counselling style and decide what I would do in these situations. Personally I feel that confidentiality has had played a vital role in the dynamic of our counselling skills class. If it was not for confidentiality then the class discussion would have been sparse and our learning would have been less successful. As a result of trust, which stemmed from confidentiality, our triads have shared more personal content and allowed us to practice counselling skills in more realistic situations. This shows that trust and confidentiality are vital in any helping relationship. During counselling skills I have partaken in a lot of triads during which I have practiced basic counselling skills. Initially, I was pretty terrible. I would ask questions and find it hard not to judge, I would panic and remind myself to paraphrase, or to nod. I over thought everything. After some practice I have now learned to be open minded and that it is not beneficial to the speaker to ask questions, it is purely to satisfy my

own curiosity. I now just relax, concentrate and truly listen. Subconsciously I give minimal encouragers and everything else comes naturally. I feel the feedback from the observers has been very positive and I am very pleased with my progress. In conclusion, many qualities are essential in the helping relationship and it is the combination of these that allow the relationship to be beneficial. Trust and confidentiality are essential in the foundation of a helping relationship as without them the speaker will not share their experiences or emotions and the relationship will be unproductive. Rogers Core Conditions are essential in creating a positive, sincere dynamic within the relationship and maintaining this dynamic through the consistency of congruence and UPR and the genuineness of empathy. Active listening is essential as it displays to the speaker that you are listening and therefore encourages the speaker and self awareness is essential for the safety of the listener and to provide a role model for the speaker. No one aspect is more important than another as they all overlap and are collectively essential.

References Carkhuff, R, R. (1983). The Art of Helping, Amherst, Massachusetts: Human Resource Development Press Mearns, D. & Thorne, B. (1999). Person–Centred Counselling In Action: Second Edition, London, England: SAGE Publications Ltd Nelson-Jones, R. (1995). The Theory and Practice of Counselling. London, England: Continuum International Publishing Group Ltd Nelson-Jones, R. (1997). Practical Counselling & Helping Skills. London, England: SAGE Publications Ltd Rogers, C. (1951). Worksheet given by May Rogers, C. (1975). Module 1 Workbook, Stirling, Scotland: COSCA

Bibliography Carkhuff, R, R. (1983). The Art of Helping, Amherst, Massachusetts: Human Resource Development Press De Board, R. (1998), Counselling for Toads a Psychological Adventure, London, England: Routledge Egan, G. (1975). The Skilled Helper: A Model for Systematic Helping and Interpersonal Relating. Belmont, California: Wadsworth Publishing Company Lindon, J. & Lindon, L. (2000). Mastering Counselling Skills, London, England: Macmillan Press Mearns, D. & Thorne, B. (1999). Person–Centred Counselling In Action: Second Edition, London, England: SAGE Publications Ltd Nelson-Jones, R. (1995). The Theory and Practice of Counselling. London, England: Continuum International Publishing Group Ltd Nelson-Jones, R. (1997). Practical Counselling & Helping Skills. London, England: SAGE Publications Ltd Rogers, C., R. (1961). A Therapists View of Psychotherapy: On Becoming a Person. London, England: Constable & Company Ltd...