Nonverbal Flirting Essay- Dakota Eaton PDF

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Nonverbal Flirting SPCH 472 6380 Nonverbal Communication Dakota James Eaton July 7th, 2021

2 Nonverbal Flirting Flirting has been used by people for centuries. There are different levels when it comes to flirting which can either have a high or low amount of intensity involved. Nonverbal flirting is one way people can communicate with one another about their true feelings towards one another. Even cavemen used flirting towards one another with nonverbal signals such as body language to display their attraction (Edwards, n.d.). Flirting is composed of several elements that can either be successful or a total disaster if someone does not know how to use them or pick up on the nonverbal cues. Some of these nonverbal flirting elements include physical appearance/ body language, facial expressions, and eye behaviors. Sadly, in many cases, people are not actively flirting while conversating with one another. However, some people take the cues as flirting, which can lead to a miscommunication and potentially end the relationship if the feelings are not mutual. There are so many ways flirting can be used and there are many different outcomes that could occur while practicing flirting. It is benefitable for people from all walks of life to learn how important flirting is, how to use flirting to their benefit, and know when to stop flirting because someone is uncomfortable. When nonverbal cues are used and then accepted by the other person, the conversation can become intense leading to more conversations occurring later down the road. Their discussion will allow them to start building a bond between one another as time goes by and more flirting occurs. Luckily, there are plenty of cues that can be used to show people if someone is intrigued by the flirting or uninterested. Cues such as uncrossed arms and legs can be a single that one person is available and enjoys the flirting taking place (Edwards, n.d.). These small cues would be known as body language which is a major component when it comes to flirting since it gives off important messages to the recipient. Also, flirting does not apply to only people who are single, but couples as well. Flirting is a major component to keeping a long-lasting relationship because it shows the partners, they are fascinated by one another and love each other. Without flirting, relationships would be painful to start as well as maintain since a piece of intimacy would be missing from the equation. The benefits of flirting are endless if people learn the different styles of flirting that are used since not everyone flirts the same or has built the confidence to flirt with others. Physical Appearance/ Body Language The song “Love at First Sight” was created by an American writer and educator named James Brander Matthews in 1885. Since then, this quote has remained popular by thousands of people who truly believe that love can be found within someone from just one glance. There are many nonverbal cues that could lead to someone believing they found the love of their life. Physical appearance plays a major role when it comes to love at first sight since that’s the first attribute that attracts people to one another. When a man sees a beautiful woman the man’s brain triggers the same reward center of the brain as if the man was using cocaine or received an abundance of money (Carpenter, 2006). This could be one reason men believe they found the love of their life without even talking to the women to see if they have anything in common such as culture, food, or favorite type of music. When looking for a mate to reproduce with, people tend to look for attributes they find attractive in hopes their children will carry the beauty with

3 them. Symmetry on a persons face and/ or body, age, and waist-hip ratio are a few examples of physical appearance people will look for while trying to build a relationship (Schacht, n.d.). Physical appearance plays a huge role when it comes to people trying to find someone they would like to be in a relationship with or get to know. After all, it is the first experience people have with one another before they start a conversation and decide if they want to continue building a relationship. A group of students from the University of Minnesota were used to see how important physical appearance is. In the study, they found out that students who were paired up with someone more attractive than them reported to want to continue learning more about the other person (Reis & Sprecher, 2009). They also found out that people who were paired with someone less attractive than them were more likely to deny the continuation of the relationship (Reis & Sprecher, 2009). It is no surprise that people would rather flirt with someone that is attractive rather than someone who is not attractive. In fact, according to Psychology Today, physical appearance is number eight on the list for traits of an effective flirt (DiDonato, 2021). Being able to flirt with just physical appearance if nearly impossible since it does not give enough information about someone. People would still have to use other flirting techniques to show people how interested they are about the other person. Having physical appearance is helpful when trying to receive someone’s phone number as well as maintain a relationship with a significant other. It has been found that physical attractiveness plays a major role in relationships such as marriage. Those that are physically attractive tend to have high levels of self-esteem, higher salaries as well as better mental and physical health (Reis & Sprecher, 2009). People would like to be in a relationship with someone who is able to maintain a strong physical appearance since it will keep each other attracted to one another throughout the relationship. Relationships are full of flirting, but if the person becomes less attractive, the less likely they are willing to flirt with their significant other. The attracted portion of the relationship will begin to fade over time since they are not displayed affection to one another as frequently. After a study with couples, it was reported that men value physical attractiveness in the long-term more than women do (Reis & Sprecher, 2009). Having a partner that was once fit and healthy but is now overweight and unhealthy, can make it harder for the relationship to continue having the same amount of attraction towards one another. Working together to stay fit is another way couples can help build attraction towards one another as they accomplish their fitness goals and start flirting with each other again. Our bodies are another tool people use daily to send messages to each other nonverbally. Body language such as a hair flick may seem like nothing special to some people, but some women tend to flick their hair to get a man’s attention (Laurie, n.d.). Small body movements like this can attract a man and give him a reason to come talk to the women since he now has a compliment, he can use to start a flirtatious conversation. The man may compliment how beautiful the women’s hair is, which may lead to more flirting. If a woman were to play with her earlobes, fiddle with their necklace or twirl their hair, men may think that the women is trying to get the man’s attention. How men fiddle with objects to get a women’s attention is to play with their neckties or jingle the change in their pocket (Laurie, n.d.). Another small body movement that people, especially bartenders use, is leaning in. Many people take leaning in is a sign that someone wants to get closer as well as showing he or she is actively listening (Laurie, n.d.). While bartenders will sometimes use this trick to receive a big tip from their customers, many

4 people use leaning in to see if the person is willing to continue flirting. Body language can allow people to know that someone is open, harmless, interested, approachable, or even fertile (Edwards, n.d.). It is very important to read these signs as correctly as possible because some people unintentionally flirt since they are warm/caring people all the time. People will misjudge body language a few times throughout their life, but over time they will be able to analyze if a woman or man is attracted to them or not. Physical attractiveness is usually what encourages people to flirt with one another. If people find one another attractive, the chance of a relationship building past being strangers or friends increases significantly. Without physical attractiveness, people probably would not have the same partners they have today. However, physical attractiveness alone does not have the ability to maintain a relationship since people will need to get to know each other in different ways such as the food they eat or the culture they are a part of. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone based solely off appearance since there could be many other attributes that they don’t like about each other. Physical appearance is very powerful and can lead to a long-lasting relationship since the flirting between one another will become more intense. When people find one another attractive, the higher chance they will enjoy flirting with one another making their bond stronger over time. While they should plan to maintain their attractiveness, people should also remember that beauty is not everything. People would like to date someone with a sense of humor, morals, and future goals. Facial Expressions People use facial expressions everyday as a form of nonverbal communication which can express their emotions with one glance. When it comes to flirting, people should be aware of other people’s facial reactions to see if the person is interested or not interested. These would be two very different facial reactions that almost anyone would be able to differentiate between. Without being able to differentiate between these facial expressions, people may see themselves making other uncomfortable since they are not able to take the hint. On the other hand, if people can tell the difference, they will understand they should continue flirting since it is being embraced by the person they are flirting with. While not everyone has the social skills to read facial expressions, sometimes it can be tricky. Especially if people are meeting for the first time and they do not know if each other’s facial expressions are genuine. Facial expressions can be misleading. However, overtime they will begin to learn the differences and know how to use them to their benefit. There are several different facial expressions that people use daily to communicate with one another. According to Dr. Ekman, there are seven different universal facial expressions such as anger, disgust, fear, surprise, happiness, sadness, and contempt (Paul Ekman Group, n.d.). Out of these seven facial expressions, effective flirting should consist of happiness and possibly shock. When people flirt, at least one of them should be expressing happiness if not both individuals. Happiness is a distinguishable facial expression since it typically involves smiling which may show teeth. This is not an easy facial expression to make since it requires a fair number of muscles within the face as well as brain activity that evokes the facial expression happiness. People may also find that while they flirt, the person they are flirting with may have a slight raised eyebrow (Laurie, n.d.). Using various muscles within the face, people can send

5 messages to one another. People can show their true emotions towards one another without speaking or using their body language. Being able to read these various facial expressions is not easy and will take time. Facial expressions such as a smile are tricky and can be hard to understand if the person is being genuine or fake. A smile such as the Duchenne smile, involves both the zygomatic major which raises the corners of people’s mouths as well as the orbicularis oculi that raises the cheeks which may cause crow’s feet to appear around the eyes (Durayappah-Harrison, 2010). Fake smiles can be differentiated between a real smile; however, it can be hard to read if the people flirting do not know each other very well. Creating these different smiles comes from two different parts of the brain such as the motor cortex and the limbic system (Duratappah-Harrison, 2021). The brain allows the true emotion of joy to be expressed by using the various muscles in the face as well as the different parts of the brain to create facial expressions such as happiness. Knowing the difference between a genuine smile and a fake smile is one of many social tools that people should know about. Being able to tell a person is giving a fake smile while flirting shows the conversation should stop because one person is uncomfortable and not available. Unlike a genuine smile which shows happiness is occurring and the flirting should continue. No one wants to attempt flirting with someone that has a disgust, fear, or angry facial expression. People would rather flirt with someone that has a bright smile showing their true emotion. Eye Behaviors While a smile is amazing to see and lets each person know about their interest towards one another, eye behavior is another way people flirt nonverbally. When people are sexually aroused, which can occur during flirting, a person’s pupils may dilate (Dean, 2021). Since flirting typically takes place face-to-face, being able to see if someone’s eyes dilate is easier. This does not mean the person is fully comfortable with possibly taking the relationship to that point right away or in that moment. However, since their pupils did dilate, it does mean the flirting is working and both parties are enjoying the conversation. Another nonverbal social tool that can be used along with seeing a person’s pupils dilate is micro expressions. Micro expressions happen within a fraction of a second and allows people to see each other’s true emotions, instead of a macro expression which has extra time to conceal their true emotions (Paul Ekman Group, n.d.). Paying close attention to a beautiful women or man there is a small opportunity to recognize if the flirting is being received positively or negatively. Also, moments like these can be very intimate and lead to other eye behavior such as checking one another out by examining each other physical appearance. People will also look at each other’s lips or hips to send a flirting signal (Laurie, n.d.). While it may seem simple, there are many ways people can use their eyes to send a message to someone. Eye contact is another huge part of flirting since people need to send the right messages to the person that they find interesting. People should not flirt and stare at the ground, this could lead to one party believing the other does not have the confidence to make eye contact. Instead, men and women should aim to make full eye contact with the person they plan to start a relationship with or continue having a conversation. Eye contact that lasts more than ten seconds can activate the nervous system which will raise the blood flow as well as heart rate to produce an intense emotional reaction (Cox, 2017). Using eye contact as a key social tool while flirting

6 will have a massive benefit for single people as well as married people. Eye contact shows that the person who is involved in the conversation is a priority. People do not want to flirt with someone that is staring at other people instead or staring at the floor. This can it person feel as if what they are saying is not important and the flirting is not mutual. Confidence is more attractive to some people compared to someone who is shy. Using eye contact is one small social tool that anyone uses to boost their confidence or have other perceive a person as confident. One way to know if the eye contact is working is to make eye contact with the people around. If anyone takes a second glance or long gazes back, the eye contact is working (Fader, 2021). It all depends on the way people respond to the eye contact to see if flirting is the right move to take next. It should be noted that people should not stare at one another to flirt, since staring can make people uncomfortable. Knowing When to Stop Flirting While there are many nonverbal hints people use to show they are interested, and there are many other hints people use to show they are uncomfortable. There is a fine line when it comes to flirting because in many cases a miscommunication can occur. Such as if a man thought a woman wanted him to flirt with her, but she unintentionally flirted with him, or vice versa. One way to be able to tell if a woman feels uncomfortable with a man approaching her to flirt is to pay attention to her purse. If a woman’s purse is being held tightly or using it to cover parts of her body, she is more than likely not interested in flirting and is starting to feel uncomfortable (Edwards, n.d.). This is a subtle way for woman to nonverbally say she’s not interested and makes it easy for others to see she is uncomfortable. If a woman was interested in a man, she would not mind if parts of her body are being looked at and would not want the purse to be between them (Edwards, n.d.). Being able to spot the difference between flirting and friendliness is key because it can lead to awkwardness or misunderstandings that could be avoided if people know what to look for (Lusinski & Steber, 2021). Knowing when to stop flirting is as important as knowing how to flirt since people should not try to make others uncomfortable. Conclusion Flirting can be a challenge for those that are not typically open to talking with others or comfortable with others being in their personal space. Flirting can occur nonverbally between men and women through nonverbal communication tools such as body language, facial behavior, as well as eye behavior. When a woman is interested in a man and would like to get a guy’s attention, the woman may flick her hair or play with their earrings. There are subtle hints people give off to one another to show they are interested. However, some people like bartenders know how powerful body language can be and use it to their advantage to receive higher tips. Knowing the difference between a genuine or fake smile is another nonverbal tool people who are trying to flirt should practice. If a woman is smiling from ear to ear and showing most of their teeth, she is more than likely interested in the conversation. Lastly, using eye behavior is another social tool people can use while flirting. When people flirt, they tend to check each other out frequently to build intimacy between one another. They are also able to read each other’s emotions with pupil dilation if they are paying close enough attention. There are many different tips and tricks out in the world, however it is important for people to also learn when to stop flirting to prevent someone from feeling uncomfortable. If nonverbal flirting is done correctly, people can attract

7 one another from across the room without speaking. It can also lead to a happy, long-lasting relationship if a couple decides to practice nonverbal flirting frequently to keep the intimacy alive in their relationship.

8 References: Vanessa Van Edwards. (n.d.). How to Flirt: 3 Easy Steps to Make You the Master at Flirting. Science of People. Retrieved on July 4, 2021 from https://www.scienceofpeople.com/flirting/ Jeff Carpenter. (2006, January 6). Beautiful Faces Trigger Reward Center of Brain. ABC News. Retrieved on July 3, 2021 from https://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=117131&page=1 Ryan Schacht. (n.d.). Female and Male Perceptions of Attractiveness: What is Attractive and Why? Retrieved on July 3, 2021 from https://digitalcommons.unl.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1007&context=nebanthro Reis, H. T., & Sprecher, S. (2009). Physical attractiveness role in relationships. In Encyclopedia of human relationships (Vol. 1, pp. 1243-1245). SAGE Publications, Inc., Retrieved on July 5, 2021 from https://www-doi-org.ezproxy.umgc.edu/10.4135/9781412958479.n401 Theresa E. DiDonato. (2021, February 12). Do You Have the 9 Traits of an Effective Flirt? Psychology Today. Retrieved on July 5, 2021 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/202102/do-you-havethe-9-traits-effective-flirt Paul E...