Notes on \"Essential Communication\" 2nd edition, Chapters 4-9 PDF

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Notes on "Essential Communication" 2nd edition, Chapters 4-9 ...

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The nature of langua language ge ~ symbolic, meanings re reside side in people, etc. Language is a utility but is still imprecise and evolving. Meaning of words isn’t just with the word itself and is with individuals that use them. Concrete vs abstract words Concrete words are words with definition that are widely interpreted to not shift by the individual usage while abstract words are words deemed to have multiple denoted meanings depending on interpretation instead. Denotative vs connotative mea meanings nings Denotative meanings are formally recognized definitions of terms, while connotative meanings involve thoughts and feelings associated with the words that might have a much different meaning. Euphemis Euphemism m A pleasant term substituted for a more direct but potentially disquieting term. Equivoca Equivocation tion Equivocation is a statement that is deliberately vague so that it can be interpreted in more than one way. Words that are considered equivocal have more than one definition by nature. Factual, Infere Inference, nce, and Opini Opinion on Statemen Statements ts Factual statements are claims that can be verified as true or false. Inferential statements are conclusions that arrive from interpretations of evidence. Opinion statements are based on the speaker’s said beliefs. Phonolo Phonological, gical, Pragmatic, S Semantic emantic emantic,, and Syntactic Rules Phonological rules govern how words are process, syntactic rules govern how symbols are arranged, semantic rules suggest the meaning of words, and pragmatic rules apply how individuals use language in everyday interactions. Masculine & feminine com communicati municati munication on styles (ve (verbal rbal and nonverba nonverbal) l) Women and men speak roughly the same number of words per day, but in different situations. Women tend to talk more about family, friends, and emotions. Males are more likely to discuss sports and technology. In the US, women are more affective, men are more instrumental. Men with tattoos are viewed to be more masculine and aggressive. Women appear to smile more, use more facial expressions, use more head, hand, and arm gestures (but not as expansively as men), touch others more, stand closer to others, be more vocally expressive, and make more eye contact. Jargon Specialized vocabulary used as a function of a shorthand for individuals with common backgrounds and experience.

Slang Language used by a group of people whose members belong to a similar coculture or another group. Emotive lan language guage Language that contains words that sound as if they’re describing something but are describing the speaker’s attitude. Difference between viewing something old as an antique or a piece of junk. Tends to inspire reactions based on language used. Attending, res responding, ponding, reme remembering mbering Attending is the process of physically receiving and paying attention to audio signals. Remembering is storing information learned from an encounter for future reference. Responding is giving observable feedback to the speaker. Mindful a and nd mindless lis listening tening Mindful listening involves being fully present and paying attention to the gestures, mannerisms, pauses, and what the speaker says. Mindless is, contrary to mindful listening, not paying much attention to what the speaker has to say. Listenin Listening g fidelity The degree in which a listener’s understanding is correct with what is being interpreted through communication. Paraphras Paraphrasing ing A restatement in your own words of the message sent by the speaker without adding any additional details. Differences between he hearing aring & listening Hearing is the physiological ability to perceive the presence of sound in the environment, while listening is the brain reconstructing the electrochemical impulses given by that hearing to make meaning.

Task-orie Task-oriented, nted, relational relational,, analytical, a and nd critical listeni listening ng Task-oriented listening is used when securing information necessary for a job that needs to be done. This involves listening for key ideas, asking questions involving the conversation, paraphrasing occasionally to check understanding, and taking notes. Relational listening is used to emotionally connect with others, the core points being: allowing enough time to share thoughts and feelings, listen for unexpressed thoughts and feelings, and encouraging further comments from the other person

Analytical listening is used to fully comprehend the meaning of the messages being told, exploring ideas and issues from a variety of perspectives (important in complicated situations). Features of the listening style are: listen for all the information before evaluating something, separate the message from the speaker, and search for value even in worst situations. Critical listening is used to go beyond understanding and analyze the topic at hand and its qualities. This is used to scrutinize messages that might be otherwise slanted or inaccurate in some manner. Some qualities of the style are: examining the speaker’s evidence and reasoning, evaluating the speaker’s credibility, and assessing the emotional appeals for their reasoning. Non-listenin Non-listening g behaviors - ambushi ambushing, ng, pseudolistenin pseudolistening, g, selective listening, defensiv defensive e listening, sta stage ge hogs (monopo (monopolizers) lizers) Pseudolistening is imitating being attentive when not. Selective listening is only responding to parts of someone’s remarks that interest you, defensive listening is perceiving they’re being threaten when they’re not, and stage hogs are individuals that claim too much of the spotlight of the conversation itself, Active listenin listening g techniques - understanding understanding,, empathy , gendere gendered d differences and listening Making sense of the message is understanding, the measurement being listening fidelity. Empathy regarding gendered communication can seem as competition in the terms of a man expressing their situation and women trying to empathize with similar struggles they have (which is more commonly to occur with women as they tend to share similar experiences). Men tend to solve or distract an individual’s problems if they’re expressed to them more commonly. Women’s are accustomed to social support rather than this advice and may view it as insensitive evaluation of their issues. The nature of nonverbal co communication mmunication - w what hat is it & differenc differences es betwe between en verbal and nonverbal communic communication ation The nature of nonverbal communication is that it involves gestures, sounds, facial expressions, touch, clothing, and other expressive things. Verbal require the usage of words so things like email and sign language are verbal forms of communication. Types of no nonverbal nverbal com communication munication - pr proxemics, oxemics, kines kinesics, ics, chronemics chronemics,, haptics, par paralanguage alanguage alanguage,, appearance, ssilence, ilence, enviro environment nment & artifacts, eye ccontact, ontact, facial e expression, xpression, gestu gestures, res, etc… Kinesics nonverbal behaviors are nonverbal cues that utilize the face and body. Posture, if good, demonstrates confidence and capability (and may make you feel more confident). Fidgeting demonstrates a state of nervous or discomfort. Smiling is regarded as being more friendly and less aggressive. Eye contact is something predisposed to us by nature, but is shaped by culture. In Euro-American culture it shows involvement or interest. In traditional Asian, Latin American, and Native American culture, eye contact with a stranger or person in authority may be considered as aggressive or disrespectful. Expression of Emotion can occur as many as five times per second. Affect blends are combinations of two or more simultaneous expressions of emotion due to affecting different parts of the face at the same time.

Voice nonverbal cues that are used with the voice are referred to as paralanguage and these include tone, speed, pitch, volume, number and lengths of pauses, and disfluencies (um, uh, and stammering for example). Touch depending on the timing and also the way it is used can demonstrate pleasure, threats, or simply be annoying. Haptics is the study of touch. Time in cultures like North America and Germany are monochronic and emphasize punctuality, schedules, and completing one task at a time. In polychronic cultures, such as in South America and Arabian cultures, flexible schedules are common where people pursue multiple tasks at the same time. Importance of the occasion might also by default deem time to be more monochronic as time is more precious (such as the time of a superior or boss). Chronemics is the study of how people use and structure time. Space in some cultures is wide as the average of 4 feet in North America, but in the Middle East it is much closer. The space between the two people is different dependent on the culture. The study of the way individuals use space is called proxemics. Territory are areas that seem to be your own. Many of times individuals may or may not mark their territory with nonverbal markers and may feel disrespected or annoyed if someone encroaches on their territory without their permission. Environment Natural lighting, flexible seating configurations, views of nature, and other effects have been shown to enhance such things as learning in school and productivity at work. Physical environment shape how communication occurs within them. Clothing and Attractiveness allows for more preferential treatment in such things as hiring and other aspects of life. Clothing by itself conveys such things as economic status, education level, athletic ability, interests, and even the colors people wear. Body Art tattoos on younger women are seen more attractive than old er and compared to men with or without them, tattooed men are viewed as more masculine and aggressive. Women in the same study viewed this as good-looking men, but not necessarily good husband or father material (only present in women). Taboo of visible tattoos remains in workplaces and makes it more difficult to get hired. Generally, getting well known by someone and having good kinesics results in higher perceived attractiveness overall by said person. Nonverbal communica communication tion - and gendered and intercultural di difference fference fferencess Women in general express nonverbally more than men and recognize them better. They also tend to: smile more, use more facial expressions, use more head/hand/arm gestures (not as expansive though), touch others more, stand closer to others, be more vocally expressive, and make more eye contact. Commonalities in communication nonverbally between genders are seen in the rules established and followed. Media reflects stereotypes in gendered communication.

Social Pene Penetration tration Theory

Breadth: Range of subjects being discussed. Depth: Detail and personal affiliation with the information presented. More intimacy results in greater disclosure, which results afterwards in a gradually increase in breadth and depth of the social relationship. Johari Window

Open: Known to both you and others. Required to develop interpersonal relationships. Blind: Known to others, not you. Determined through feedback from others. Hidden Known to you, not others. Exposed through self-disclosure. Unknown: Not known to either you or others. Undiscovered talents, strengths, and weaknesses. Self-disclosure - w what hat is it and gui guidelines delines for us use e The process of deliberately revealing information about oneself that is significant that would not normally be known by others. Guidelines include making sure the person is important to you, that the information is appropriate given personal or cultural preference, that the risk is reasonable enough to disclose, the amount and type of disclosure appropriate given the situation, is relevant to the situation at hand, is able to be

reciprocated by the other person, constructive in nature, and is clear and understandable to the other person. Affinity The degree in which we appreciate others. Relational/con Relational/content tent mes messages sages A content message focuses on the subject being discussed. A relational message is a statement about how the parties feels toward one another. Control There is a distribution of control present in all every relationship. Metacommu Metacommunication nication Messages that refer to other messages like praise to receive similar behavior in the future or acronyms. Discussing problems might be interpreted as signs of a relationship in trouble – that is it is interpreted through metacommunication that discussing issues means there is “deeper” meaning such as a flawed relationship. Immediacy The degree of interest and attraction we feel toward and communicate to others. You may like someone (affinity), but if you don’t engage with them, then the immediacy is low. Respect The degree which we admire others and hold them in high esteem. Communic Communication ation climate The emotional tone of a relationship. It doesn’t specifically mention activities preformed in a relationship, but rather the way people feel about each other as they carry out such activities. Confirming an and d disconfirm disconfirming ing res responses ponses Confirming responses are messages that show people they are valued. Disconfirming messages deny the value of other people, such as disagreeing with speaker character (ad hominem). Relational spirals - escalatory con conflict, flict, avoida avoidance nce A spiral is a reciprocating communication pattern in which a person’s message reinforces the other person. A positive one is a reinforcement of positivity, negative is a reinforcement of negativity, typically in a cycle (5:1 positive-negative ratio is viewed as healthy for a relationship). In negative spirals, escalatory conflict spirals are spirals that lead to a full-fledged argument between two individuals. Avoidance spirals are negative spirals that, rather than arguing, the person slowly lessens their dependence on another and withdraws investment in the relationship.

Social Exch Exchange ange Theo Theory ry A theory that suggest that people invest in relationships with those who can give them rewards (tangible or not) that are greater than or equal to the costs they encounter in dealing with them. Success Successful ful communication strategies in friendships Good listening habits such as paying attention to nonverbal cues. Give advice sparingly, too much is seen as condescending. Share feelings respectfully. Apologize and forgive when there is a slip up. Be validating and appreciative of the friendship. Stay loyal in hard times. Be trustworthy, avoid sharing private information and saying unkind things behind their back. Give and take equally in a relationship. Success Successful ful communication strategies in families - a conversation and conformity Share family stories to contribute to s shared sense of identity. Listen to each other. Negotiate privacy rules and exceptions. Coach conflict management and make safe environments to discuss issues and solutions. Share confirming messages such as compliments. Have fun together. Parenting sstyles tyles - authoritarian, aut authoritative horitative horitative,, permissive Authoritarian: obedience at all costs, strict with not much allowance of deviance. Authoritative: firm, clear, and strict; but they encourage children to communicate regardless of their high expectations for them. Permissive: very relaxed on rules for their children. Intimacy - what is it? An expression of two individuals through a combination of physical contact, shared experiences, intellectual sharing, and emotional disclosures. Male & Female intimacy sstyles tyles Females are more willing than men to share their thoughts and feelings, while men are more expressive through action when it comes to expressing intimacy. In the regards to sexual intercourse, women regard it as an expression of intimacy, while men think it is a way to create intimacy. Chapman Chapman’s ’s Five Love Languages Affirming words: compliments, thanks, and statements that express love and commitment. Quality time: completing tasks together, talking, or other mutually enjoyable activity.

Gifts: during special occasions or other times. Physical touch: hug, kiss, pat on the back, sexual intercourse, or other contact. Acts of service: preforming favors, such as caring for each other when sick and doing dishes occasionally. Knapp’s De Developmental velopmental Mode Modell of Relationsh Relationships ips Five stages of intimacy development (coming together) and distancing themselves (coming apart).

Development phases: Initiating: First encountering between two individuals. Experimenting: Become acquainted through small talk. Intensifying: Expression of feelings about each other between two individuals. Integrating: Become one social unit, meeting each other’s families. Bonding: Involvement of traditional bonding such as wedding, commitment ceremony, or other means to communicate that a long term relationship has been established. Relationship maintenance stands in between these phases.

Dilapidation phases: Differentiating: shifts in conversations from similarities to differences, expectations change. Circumscribing: communication decreases in quantity and quality in relationship. Stagnating: familiarity is normal, without much feelings input, loss in interest occurs. Avoiding: more overt distancing, emphasis on avoidance of contact with each other. Terminating: explanation of how the relationship went wrong, desire to break up. Dialectical Model (of rela relational tional mainten maintenance) ance) Dialectal model involves the balancing of relationship between opposing forces within one’s self and another. Openness-privacy dialectic: The conflict between intimacy and emotional space between yourself and others. Connection-autonomy dialectic: The conflict between togetherness and independence between a couple. Predictability vs. Novelty: The conflict between too much predictability (due to stability) and too little stability in a relationship. Deception in ro romantic mantic re relationships lationships - altruistic lie lie,, evasion, hintin hinting, g, omission, equivoca equivocation, tion, fabrication Altruistic lies: Lies that seem harmless or even helpful to those told to.

Self-serving lies: Attempts to manipulate the listener into believing something that is untrue. Omission: withholding of information that someone deserves to know. Fabrication: deliberately misleading another person for one’s own benefit.

Gray lies: Consists of usage of half-truths that leave out details, motivated by good intentions typically. Equivocation: deliberately ambiguous statements with two or more equally plausible meanings.

Hinting: Bringing a desired response without necessarily asking for it. Motivated by avoidance of embarrassment typically. Common be behaviors haviors and sty styles les for de dealing aling with conflict Nonassertiveness: The inability to express thoughts or feelings in a conflict, which leads to situations that the partner is unwilling to address a problem or express an issue. Avoidance is used to not run into the topic that could lead to conflicts. Accommodation is used when the person addresses the other’s needs over their own to deal with the conflict (conform, not address). These approach work in short-lived or minor conflicts. Indirect Communication: Means of conveying messages in a manner that avoids hostility. Used to get desires without causing conflicts. Hinting is used in indirect communication, but this can lead to misunderstandings. Assertiveness: Direct expression of needs, thoughts, or feelings that does not attack the other person’s dignity. Addressing problems with “we” rather than “I” language, staying level-headed, and abstaining from accusations and assumptions are good practices of being assertive. Passive Aggression: Occurs when communicator expresses hostility in an ambiguous manner. Direct Aggression : Confrontation, direct attack...