Notes ON LIFE Skills AND Personal Development PDF

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LIFE SKILLS AND PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT The course will explore life skill techniques and personal development from Models: Humanistic Models, Developmental Model, Behavioural Model, Psychoanalysis Model and Johari’s Window model.

INTRODUCTION Life skills – Ref: (WHO, 1994; 2005: Allison, et al., 2005; Ghasemian & Ventkatesh, 2017; Zarei & Darban, 2015). Dfn. Life skills are the abilities/techniques that help an individual to promote his/her mental well being and competence as he/she faces the realities of life. Proper application of life techniques enables a person to: 

Develop enough control over his/her emotions, thoughts and behaviours.

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Make informed decisions.

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Make choices that lead to positive behaviours etc (Kumar& Krishnamurthy, 2016).

Life skills can be divided into three categories: Learning to know, learning to be, and learning to live together with. Importance of effective life skills 

Helps to develop behaviors that enable one to deal effectively with demands and challenges of life in (self, others and the environment).

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Helps a person to reduce psychological distress and symptoms (depression and anxiety).

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Help a person to avoid manipulation or exploitation by others in his/her life.

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Creates awareness to view things from internal locus of evaluation.

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Empowers an individual to take initiative and control of his/her life.

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Promotes mental health and self esteem.

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Helps in proper interaction with others in one’s life.

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Help a person to rise above emotional impasses that arise from:  Daily conflicts

 Entangled relationships  Peer pressure 

Individual develops ability to reduce specific risk behaviours:  The person is less likely to resort to antisocial or high risk behaviours.  Person develops healthy behaviours.  Reduce risky behaviours that lead to long lasting healthy and social consequences.

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Studies on life skills training indicate that life skills promote positive social interactions between peers.

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Enhance communication skills.

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Develop negotiation skills.

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Enhance stress management.

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Enhancing problem-solving skills.

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Enhance self-awareness

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Reduce negative emotions: anger, anxiety, depression etc (Allison et al, 2005).

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Enhance decision making. PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

Personal development is personal maturation psychology. It much focuses the person of self in relationship to what is portrayed (known), what is hidden, what is blind and what is unknown. 

A process of improving oneself through life skills and applying them in our life activities to enhance personal life, work and professionalism.

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It increases our consciousness and builds our lives positively.

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Personal development is a framework where one works towards personal positive change and involves measuring whether the changes are taking place (ability to use organismic self).

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Change is geared towards the positive.

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It consists of individual set goals/benchmarks and the strategies/plans that are laid down in a plan to reach the said goals.

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Communication and feedback and defined path are tools that enable an individual to reach his/her set goals.

In positive personal development, subjective well-being is influenced by: personality dispositions such as self esteem, extraversion and neuroticism. Further, well-being is represented by subjective experience. 

Every person perceives subjective experience differently because of his/her personality, temperament, the way one thinks and perceives his/her own life.

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Other factors of personal development are an individual’s expectations of self, and that of significant others in the context.

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Subjective well-being levels can be considerably influenced by personality dispositions, such as:  Personal experiences (negative and positive).  Ability to learn and grasp.

Personal development is attained through therapeutic methods and techniques that include:  Role-playing.  Knowledge of personal problematic aspects.  Proper conceptualization of a problem  Problem-solving ability.  Gaining access to inner resources, in order to discover a new way of thinking and developing new adaptive behaviours.  Cognitive restructuring techniques, assertiveness techniques, and relaxation techniques. NB: Those who attain personal development are self-determined, motivated and focuses. -

Those who fail in personal development become alienated, irresponsible and blame others or the environment for their failure.

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Those who are well motivated are influenced by their inborn needs: competence, relativity (mass energy) and autonomy.

Johari’s Window It was a creation of psychologists, (Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham, 1955). When applied by Humanistic Counselors, it enables deeper exploration of personal development and growth. 

A simple and useful tool used in self awareness and understanding in social context.

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Helps to build cohesion in a group.

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It helps the user to better understand his/her personal communication and relationships.

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Used in understating of soft skills, behavioral skills, empathy, cooperation, intergroup and interpersonal development.

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Johari’s window has four rooms/windows.

Known to all: Public area known to all.

Blind area

Represents what we freely express for others to

Things in us that we do not know, but others

see: behaviour and attitude.

are aware of through our behaviour and body

Growth:

language.

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Aim to expand this area and reduce the

other three windows to become more

This is the part of a person that the individual

congruent.

does not see but others can see. 

This part of self can also be called our “ignorant self.”

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Part not known by self e.g. attitudes, and behaviours.

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Learnt through feedback from significant others.

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To attain growth (actualized self), the individual needs to develop skills to appreciate genuine feedback from others in his/her context.

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Feedback increase self-awareness.

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Without proper communication, others in the context withholds crucial information about others from others. i.e. keeping others in the dark.

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Sensitive feedback enables one to move

from blind self to open self. 

A lot of resilience is required for one to work on blind self through feedback by others.

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Moving from blind self to open self motivates a person to actualize or operate maximally using the internal resources.

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Trainers, counselors, colleagues and managers can help one to address blind self safely.

Hidden area: Private part of self that one

Unknown to all: This part of us is not known

does not want to share with others i.e. secrets,

to us, nor to others. It is in our unconscious in

shame, guilt feelings, etc. We are aware of but

forms of needs, impulses and anxieties. They

have not opened or shared with anyone.

are our untapped potentials. We can gain

Reasons for hiding:

insight through counseling process or

Feeling of shame about them, fear of ridicule

interacting with others (received as feedback).

or hate by others, etc.

This is part of a person that neither him/her

Growth:

nor the others in the context know about.

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Become open to communication.

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Receive feedback openly and work on

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unconscious needs, undiscovered

yourself. -

things, attitudes etc. -

talents, unconscious potentials etc.

Explore in therapy, the hidden thoughts,

hidden feelings, actions, avoided (masked)

Address individual fears, agendas,

Includes one’s: motivations, talents,

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The unknown manifest in many forms: feelings, behaviours, attitudes, capabilities, aptitudes. They can be

secrets, intentions and all other things kept

close to the surface (positive and

in private (genuine disclosure).

useful) or deeper aspects of the

-

Learn in therapy how to develop

individual’s personality.

positively (mirroring) to attain congruence in thoughts, feelings and behavioural experience. -

To move from hidden to open, one

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They influence a person’s behaviours.

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The cause of unknown vary from individual to individual as a result of:

needs to genuinely disclose in therapies. -

 Lack of opportunities, lack of

Such kind of disclosure is viewed by

encouragement, confidence or

Maslow as process to self actualization.

training.  Natural ability or aptitude that is not yet discovered.  Fear of many things that a person may not be aware of (unconscious materials).  Repressed materials (unconscious forces/feelings).  Conditioning and attitudes in childhood.  Societal demands/conditioning/norms. These materials can be discovered through: 

Self discovery and development.

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Observation by others in our environment

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Training.

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Counselling.

Through communication and development, the

person is able to move from the unknown self to open self. 

In open self the person operates congruently and is able to maximize his/her resources to meet personal set life goals.

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At open self, the individual discovers new opportunities, abilities and is able to do self discovery.

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Able to fulfill personal potentials and move from traumatic past life experiences.

SELF AWARENESS (Corey, 2005; Milne, 2007; Stewart, 2005)) Dfn: Self awareness is knowledge about self, accepting self and the environment. It also includes one’s ability to make contact. 

Gestalt model says that when a person makes contact with his/her environment, change occurs.

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Contact is made through the sense of hearing, smelling, seeing, touching and moving.

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Good contact is said to take place when the person is able to interact with nature and other people in his/her environment without losing self or the sense of individuality.

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A person who has self awareness continually and creatively adjust in his/her environment.

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The person is able to use his full energy (personal resources), and express self (able to communicate) in his/her social interactions.

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A self aware person has ability to imagine and is creative.

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The person is able to integrate what has been learned.

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A person who is not self aware develops resistance to contact in form of defenses. He/she portrays the following symptoms  Inability to experience the present moment in a full and real way.

 Tendency to: uncritically accept other people’s beliefs, accepting other people’s standards and values even without regard to individual assessment of their importance to one’s life.  Disowning parts of self to the environment i.e. conforming to the environment though one is straining in it (projection).  Being aggressive towards self e.g. causing self injuries, blaming self for things that others have done due to fear of what it would result to if we confront the others for their wrongs (retroflection). This can be healed if one leans healthy ways of self-regulating to be able to deal realistically with the world.  Attempt to diffuse contact by use of exaggerated humour, generalization of issues, and use of questions instead of stating (Deflection). The individual contact his/her environment inconstantly which results to emotional depletion. The person speaks through others or for others.  Blending wrongly with the environment in a way that the person does not have a boundary between his/her internal experiences and the outer experiences (Confluence). The person suffering confluence does not express true self feelings but live by opinion of others in his/her context. Such a person develops a very high need to be accepted and be liked by others. Self awareness enables a person to know and address individual’s own needs, unfinished businesses, personal conflicts, defenses, vulnerabilities (openness to physical or emotional harm). Being aware helps a counsellor to be alert of his/her own influences in interaction with self, others, environment, and the clients. 

To become self aware, the person needs to be introspective and self-explorative. A self aware person will examine and seek understanding of his/her ability to:  Reflect critically.  Need to be loved and to love.  Need for positive regard.  Need for approval.  Need to be right and

 Need for self control. 

Become aware of personal motivation for helping clients.

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What makes him/her feel good and how to achieve the same.

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Become aware of personal feelings e.g. happiness, satisfaction, hurt, fear, anger, sadness, disappointment, confusion and fear.

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Become aware of personal strengths, limitations, and coping skills. For example, things about self like what one does well, what he/she likes, things that need self improvement, how to handle difficulties and stress.

Importance of Self-Awareness in Counselor Training For a counselor to be able to help and counsel a client there is a need to become aware of those issues that hinder them from assisting others. Self-awareness helps counsellor to:  Discriminate between their issues and issues of clients.  Draw boundaries between their issues and those of the clients.  Become more tactful and true to the arising needs of the clients  Avoid imposing their values on the clients.  Differentiate self needs from that of the client. Benefits of Self Awareness to the trainee counsellor 

Better self-understanding of personal motivations and behaviours.

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Deal with unfinished businesses i.e. promote psychological functioning.

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Differentiate personal needs from client needs.

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Reduce counsellor emotional burn-outs.

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Improve weak-points and increase strong points.

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Help distinguish assumptions and realities.

NB. Gestalt therapists view a self aware person as a person who is able to observe boundaries (Corey, 2005). Principles of Self Awareness 1. Accept Resistance

When one becomes aware of the masks (resistance) that stop him/her from personal growth, he/she opens self to growth. One then operates from an informed position. 2. Commiting to think reflectively A self aware person will not communicate or speak from impulsive position. He/she will think analytically before making a judgment. Thinking reflectively helps an individual to explore issues deeply before making any conclusions. 3. Stop needing to be right A self aware counselor will not argue for the sake of speaking but will accept that he/she is not always right. Before confirming a decision the self aware individual will take time to explore critically and analytically to be able to make a conclusive or becoming assertive. 4. Operate from internal locus of evaluation A self aware person will make judgment from his/her inner understanding and not as dictated or influenced by the others in his/her context. Such a person will have governed beliefs, actions and will be able to choose what to pursue, what to stand for and what not to stand for. 5. Taking responsibility The self aware person will take responsibility and not look for someone to blame. When something goes wrong a self aware person will not look for a scapegoat but take responsibility. He/she will explore the implications of the decisions made. 6. Internal barriers A self aware person will develop confidence because he is able to analyse long negative beliefs, attitudes, and do what it takes to develop self esteem. The individual is able to address the cause of his negative emotions such as anger, suspicion, fear and anxiety to be able to think through issues and not reacting to impulses. COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Communication is a skill used for interpersonal exchange. It is used at all times: work, relationship and leisure. 

Communication involves verbal, and non-verbal. In verbal, one listens to what is being said. In non-verbal, the receiver sees the expressions that are in the tone, or gestures/expressions (feelings) that the speaker may not be aware of.

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In counseling, the counselors require the ability (counseling skills) to enable them to pay attention to one person only (the client).

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The counselor needs to pay attention to the details in the client’s communication in regard to the client’s thoughts, and feelings.

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The counselor observes what is being said by the client, non-verbally, thus needs ability to observe.

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Client needs to hear what is happening through reflections made by the counselor. Thus the counselor need to know how to reflect back what he/she sees or hears to help the client mirror self.

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With communication skills, the therapeutic relationship becomes a reciprocal relationship based on the conversation.

In communication, spoken words take about10 percent, tones take 40 per cent, and visual takes 50 per cent. This is an indication therefore that a counsellor needs to be aware of how the client is communicating, and reflect the observation to the client. He/she also needs to be careful not to express wrongly sending wrong messages to the client which are not helpful. Nature of Communication Communication involves sharing of:  Attitudes  Facts  Feelings  Information Styles of Communication Communication takes place in forms of:

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Telling

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Negotiating

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Persuading

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Listening

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Counselling.

Qualities of Good Communication Skills 

Ability to listen carefully and attentively without being defensive or attacking.

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Ability to observe, and notice the non-verbal (body language, appearance, gestures, posture, eye contact and tone of voice.

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Being able not to bombard others (clients) with questions.

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Use what and how questions to enable the other person to open and expand his/her understanding of the thoughts, feelings and meanings.

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Ability to paraphrase (repeat in own words) what you understand, hear or see....