The six styles of love - Find the most closely match of the style of love you have can increase the odds PDF

Preview

Summary

Find the most closely match of the style of love you have can increase the odds of finding your own Mr. or Mrs. right....

Description

The six styles of love Psychology professor Susan and Clyde Hendrick created the “Love attitudes Scale”: a survey which helps people identify their love style. They claim that understanding which style of love you

point out that most just want to have a good time and rarely intend to hurt anyone.

most closely match can increase the

(3) The stable and (pronounced stor-gae)

odds of you finding your own Mr. or Mrs.

To the Storge-type lover, friendship,

Right.

commitment, and security is more important than heated romance and

(1) The passionate Eros The Eros-type lover is the passionate

physical attraction. For Storges, love is a

lover often written about in romance

person who shares similar goals and

novels. People with a high degree of the

outlooks on life. Their relationships

Eros style have an intense focus on their

usually begin as friends and slowly

partner that can last for years and years.

develop into deeper feeling of love.

Eros lovers have a very definite image of

Physical intimacy and wild passion are often lacking in Storge relationships, yet their relationships are the most likely to endure.

what they want for a partner and, once they find this person, they go all out to win his or her love. If you find yourself

safe

Storge

safe, comfortable relationship with a

only attracted to a specific kind of person, then you might have some aspects of

(2) The player Ludus Ludus are the type of lovers your mother

(4) The practical Pragma Prama-style lovers are very practical when it comes to love and relationships. Pragmas have a clear image of what kind of life they want and look for a partner

warned you about. They look at love as a

who will help them attain it. Pragmas

game and often cannot limit

have a “shopping list” approach to relationships and “shop” for mates with specific qualities such as type of occupation, family background, and personality. It may seem cold and

Eros in you.

themselves to just one partner at a time. The Ludus does not have any specific perferences and flirts with almost everyone . Ludus lovers have a problem with

commitment

and

often

end

relationships when things are going “too well”. Though Ludus-style lovers are often looked down on, the Hendricks

calculating, but Pragmas consider this approach simply realistic. They are similar to Storges in lovers in that they put less emphasis on passion and

romance, but Pragma lovers have pre-

people are on most relevant variables,

conditions

while

the more likely the relationship is to be

Storges often find love comes naturally

satisfying and stable. One exception

from friendships.

might be Mania, where a Manic partner

for

relationships,

might be better balanced by a partner (5) The self-destructive Manic As the name suggest, this type of lover is a bit unstable emotionally. “A manic lover yearns for love, but somehow it always becomes painful,” says Susan. “This lover is jealous and full of doubts about his or her partner’s commitment. They also experience dramatic physical symptoms, like the inability to eat and sleep.” Manic lovers often push away partners by their possessive behavior,

higher in Storge or Agape,” Susan explains “A Manic lover might be reassurance to help him or her feel more secure”. However, couples with different love styles can still form successful unions. “Knowing that your partner has a different love style or sexual style than you do can enhance communication and

relationship to evolve naturally. Thus,

understanding,” Susan explains. The Hendricks also note that most people are a mix of love styles, and that love styles

often the Manic’s own actions make their worst fear, that their lover will leave them, becomes a reality.

are not “fixed in the genes”. “We proposed that love styles are attitudes, not personality. Thus there is always the

and are unable to relax and allow the

potential for chance.” (6) The saintly Agape The rarest of love styles is the Agapic lover. “ The Agapic lover is the closest thing the romantic world has to a saint,” says Susan. Agapic lovers are able to put the needs of their lover before their own. They ask for little from their partner, seeking only to give as much as they can. Agape lovers can sometimes sacrifice too much, however, and may feel unappreciated by their partners. Couples with similar love styles do tend to form longer lasting relationships, as they often share the same ideals and goals. “Essentially, the more similar two...