12:1:2017 comm 3200 - Lecture notes 13 PDF

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Kara Winkler notes...

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12/1/2017 Knapps Staircase Model - focusing on stages of coming apart  Differentiating- strong desire for your independence, within you are spending alot less time together, and enjoy your alone time a lot more than you like being with your partner.  Circumscribing- marked by decreased communication, restricted, the communication that is occurring is really superficial, the info you’re sharing is different. Physical and emotional withdrawal.  Stagnating- you can anticipate what your partner is going to say, so you avoid talking to them all together, i'm only staying in this relationship because i’m not ready to face the emotional break up. Once you reach this stage, break up is not inevitable at this point  Avoiding- altogether avoiding your partner, making excuses for why you’re not seeing each other  Terminating- the end, the final step of breaking up, seeing your life without each other. Assumptions of Stages model  Descriptive not prescriptive  Simplifies a complex process  Either escalating or de-escalating  Time spent in each stage varies  Restricted to one stage at a time. Relationship Disengagement  Ducks process model of Relational Dissolution , first have to reach a breaking point o intrapsychic - no dyadic communication going on, it's all intracommunication, reflecting on yourself and the relationship, comparing the negative things in the relationship to the cost of leaving. o Dyadic- When dissatisfied partners start communicating their negative feelings with each other. Interpersonal communication is happening. o Social- going public, taking your relationship problems to your family, friends, and social network, seeking support from your social group. o Grave dressing- on coping with the breakup in a socially acceptable manner, time to move on and make sense of the break up (deleting pictures, collecting things from your partner's house) Prepare the stories you might tell about your partner and the relationship. The death of the relationship o Resurrection- after the break up, the relationship is dead, this is visualizing what your future will look like now that you’re no longer in the relationship. Defining what you want to get out of your future relationships Catastrophe Theory  Relationships do not always de-escalate gradually  Explains sudden death of relationships  End marked by critical incident. Disengagement Strategies Unilateral- only one person wants to break up  Indirect o Avoidance-most common

Relational ruses- leak the break up to a mutual friend who you know will tell your partner o Withdrawal of supportiveness and affection- no longer offering social support, you don’t value the relationship anymore o Pseudo de-escalation- saying you want to take a break, but you know you actually want to break up o Cost escalation- playing up the costs to the relationship, making your relationship seem unattractive.  Direct o Direct dump- being open and honest and also giving no choice. o Dating other people- negative the person doing the dumping says they want to date other people, and says idk what you want to do but i want to see other people. o Justification- discussing all the problems in the relationship in attempt to get to the conclusion of breaking up o Relationship-talk trick, saying you need to talk, knowing you have the intentions of saying why you need to break up o Threats and bullyingo Positive tone- to make the dumped person feel better, but you're highlighting the positive components of the person. o De-escalation- when you avoid complete break up and talk about having a trial separation (taking a break) Bilateral  Indirect o Fading away - distancing yourself o

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Direct o o

The blame game- blaming who's at fault for the break up Negotiated farewell- openly talking about how we are splitting up friends, moving out, shared possessions

Relational Breakup outcomes Negative outcomes  Negative emotions  Loneliness  Finicial consequences  Effects on children  Health Positive outcomes  Personal growth  Resilience  Relational Growth  Relief  Environmental shift

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