3075 Death of a Child PDF

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Joanna Hargrove Psyc 3075

Death of a Child Distinguish between parental bereavements related to miscarriage, abortion, stillbirth, neonatal death, sudden infant death syndrome, and the death of an older or adult child. Point out the types of peer support available for these losses. Miscarriage: Miscarriages are distinct from stillbirth because the fetus is not viable outside the womb at this stage. The profound grief experienced by the parents is often underestimated because others do not understand that when a couple or a mother experiences a miscarriage, the parents are also grieving the future hopes and dreams they had for their child. It can be confusing because the couple can be caught up in a cycle where they try to explain why it happened, and it can be difficult to find closure; much like the example of the woman in the earlier chapter who was saddened after scattering ashes, when a woman miscarries she does not have the opportunity to bury her child. These feelings can be reawakened during milestone birthdays. Support from any kind of therapist or focused grief groups pertain to all of the losses that are discussed in this assignment. However, the main take-away from a miscarriage is that it is important not to diminish the sense of pain and grief a couple can experience from this, and to be sensitive to the complexities of this kind of loss. Abortion: While called elective abortions, the text states that it is often the case for necessity versus choice. This is such a complex situation, which accounts for the longer section in the book to explain the feelings a couple can experience from an abortion. They may feel guilt, anger, regret; the example of the couple who aborted early on and then was unable to conceive later shows how people can blame themselves for the rest of their lives. For example, I started menopause early, I did not realize it at the time because I was always irregular, but the doctor told me this year that it had probably begun in the last two years. If I tried to conceive now, I would have trouble without help from a medical professional. If I had ever been pregnant in the past and had aborted my child, it is possible that I would have blamed myself for this issue instead of understanding the issue from a logical and scientific point of view. Grief is compounded when the parents are given information about a fetus’ possible genetical conditions before birth and the parents have to decide whether to risk giving birth to a child who would not be kept viable without modern medicine (especially if the mother has already felt the fetus moving) or terminating the pregnancy. Whatever the reason, support needs to be non-judgmental. While a controversial and often polarizing issue in this country especially, there is no blanket one size fits all reason for abortion. If the parents feel relief, they are fortunate. If they feel saddened and incur strong feelings of guilt, it is important not to make them feel worse, because ultimately, we do not know why they made the decision they did; one of the biggest logical fallacies we make as

humans is to skim or listen vaguely to a person’s words and jump to conclusions instead of carefully considering the words people use and their meanings. Stillborn: Stillborn grief is similar to the same emotions felt when experience a miscarriage in the sense that the parent or families hopes and wishes they dreamed for how their life with the child ought to have been, they are shattered by the chasm of reality of what life really is. It is easier for their close circle of friends and family to share in the grief of a stillborn versus a miscarriage because stillborns are technically past the developmental stage where they could be viable outside the womb. In the past, stillborn babies were removed immediately from the women, which caused the experience to be more traumatic for the family. In recent times this mode of thinking has changed because mothers can hold the child, and the text states that an overwhelming 95% of these mothers did not experience regret. Like the survivor website we looked at last week, families are even encouraged to photograph the stillborn baby. It is important to allow the parents to name, bury, and mourn their infant so they can cope and find some closure to help them move on. The act of giving birth itself is emotional and strenuous, and mothers build their bonds with their children over the course of pregnancy. One can reasonably expect a mother to have difficulty moving on, and patience or a support group with other grievers with similar experiences could possibly help parents experiencing this kind of loss. Neonatal death: This is a more complicated issue because it involves an infant born with congenital defects, and the ethical issues proposed to the parents parallel parents contemplating abortion for children who show through genetic testing they may be born defective. There is an emotional roller coaster during the period of uncertainty whether or not the infant can survive and deciding on whether to continue courses of medical treatment which could in the end prove to be futile. The issue that gets complicated is when medical treatment is not enough. The parents could feel resentful later if the child ends up dying, perceiving that they were put through a traumatic ordeal and then on top of it billed for it later. Again, there are counselors and support groups that can provide structure and help for the bereaved parents, but for their immediate circle I would suggest that it would be best not to express any judgment and allow the parents to make their choices together regarding their child while the situation is happening. When there is a neonatal death it would be even of greater importance not to make any commentary on what the parents “should or should not have done” when giving support. Instead listening and only offering feedback about issues when specifically asked and weighing carefully how to express those words. SIDS: This is a complex issue because the parents are always investigated by police when this happens as suspects in the death of their child. Barring the instances where parents have intentionally committed filicide or have been negligent, the police investigation while necessary is also traumatic. It is probably the similar for husbands/boyfriends who are investigated when their partner is missing or found dead when they are innocent, but the same evidence applies where the perpetrator is usually the partner; they need to be ruled out as suspects. Feelings parents feel relating to losing a child with SIDS involve a lot of guilt and self-blame, wondering how their child died and how they could have prevented it.

A nurturing environment is important here, and family counseling may be required because by the time an infant has reached a year old, it has likely already met the couple’s family and friends. Regarding support for the bereaved, the chapter sums up the same theme explained above. It is important to listen and offer support and help, to emphasize, but dismissive comments to minimalize the event or question decisions or actions taken- or not taken by the parents is destructive to the couple’s emotional and mental health. The concept that unites parents in the grief with various stages of death from conception to one year is the grief of a life unlived, and what could have happened had the child lived. The text states it is not uncommon for a mother, especially to feel the baby kicking or hear them crying because of their intense grief. Older child: The complexity of the bond between the bereaved parents and the child increase with the age of the child when death occurs. The coping and grief reactions will vary when a child has died as a result of a sudden accident, which is most common versus a child with a terminal illness. An accident will be more of a shock, but when a child is terminally ill, the parents can have trouble coping with the reality of their child’s fate before they expire. The emotions are felt by not just the parents but the entire family and support system as they experience the child’s health experience ups and downs and engage in hopes of the child’s recovery instead of acceptance. Adult child: Having had firsthand experience of this in our family, the pain that is felt by the parents and often expressed is how unnatural it is for a child to die before their parents. In addition to the broken heart, the parent may also have lost a future caregiver and feel the insecurity if they were counting on their child to take care of them. The stress is compounded when a grandparent is forced by circumstances to take on the role of being a parent again if they are tasked with raising the decedent’s children. This is can cause not only an emotional strain but economic strain as well. According to the text, paradoxically, couples can experience grief as a bond and an estrangement in any situation. Communication is important as actions can be interpreted incorrectly as malicious intentions. People grieve differently, and not all people go through the same stages in the same order or experience the same stages at all. Therefore, when supporting the bereaved family, it is important to be kind, empathetic, and keep unsolicited advice to yourself. Another reason why support groups could be more constructive. A bereaved parent may feel alone in the sense that nobody else understands their pain, whereas in group therapy, they can commiserate with other couples or parents who have had to endure the same misfortunes. Page 435 in the text details more specific support groups available to the bereaved, such as Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) and The Compassionate Friends, which has chapters across the country offering support for bereaved parents....