Characteristics and “Rules” of Dysfunctional Families PDF

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The breakdown of what is meant by dysfunctional family...

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Characteristics and “Rules” of Dysfunctional Families Lindsay Hayes PSYC 308-D01: Treatment and Recovery of Sexual Addiction School of Behavioral Sciences, Liberty University Professor Deana Samms December 6th, 2021

2 Characteristics and “Rules” of Dysfunctional Families Slide 2: “What is a Dysfunctional Family?” -

A dysfunctional family is defined by modern day psychology as those with anxious systems with them (Prakash, R., 2018). There is a tremendously large amount of fighting, tension, mistrust, resentment, fear, and hurt amongst the family members. Oftentimes the presence of child neglect and abuse are also involved. The children of dysfunctional families grow-up with the perspective that chaotic behavior is “normal”, as they have no other examples to compare their situation to. This only heightens the risk of them continuing the behavior themselves as adults.

Slide 3: “The Most Common Characteristics Seen in a Dysfunctional Family” -

There are several characteristics that can be seen in a family full of dysfunction. Together they put the families unhealthy dynamics and attitudes towards each other (Arora, M., 2018). The most common include, but are not limited to: 1. Lack of communication, 2. Lack of empathy, 3. Addiction, 4. Mental health problems, 5. Control, 6. Perfectionism and criticism, 7.Denial, 8. Lack of emotional support, 9. Abuse.

Slide 4: “Breakdown of the Characteristics” -

Lack of communication is a big problem. This becomes an issue due to the fact that the family does not know how to openly communicate. Oftentimes, issues are swept under the rug, appearing to have forgotten about them like yesterday’s old newspaper. This only opens the door to regular shouting and/or screaming matches between those in the family mix (Ferree, M.C., 2013). Lack of empathy is also a big problem seen in this family dynamic. When there is a lack of empathy, one can expect to see little to no unconditional love between the members. Every little mistake can be expected to open to punishment,

3 as there is no room at all for any kind of mistake. Unfortunately, the children live a life full of fear. In most cases, you can expect to find some form of addiction as well. Matter of fact, studies show that roughly 45 percent of the US population is or has been exposed to some form of addiction (Arora, M., 2018). That equates to as many as 76 million people and about 26 million of those people are children. When there’s addiction comes along the mental health issues. Dr. Patrick Carnes (2009) tells us that when there is a problem with addiction present, the addict gets so caught up and lost within the Addictive System that it becomes the addict’s remedy for pain and anxiety, the reward for success, and the means for maintaining emotional balance. Slide 5: “The Breakdown of Characteristics Cont’d” -

Denial isn’t usually consciously obvious, it’s more complex (Tikvah Lake Recovery, 2021). That is due to the fact of there being no concept of what a “healthy” family actually is. There is a “family blueprint” that is fully moral obligations that leaves behind full blown guilt trips if those obligations are not followed, it’s handed down generation after generation. The denial causes an attitude of “This is the way our family has done it, so it will stay like this.” Privacy is nearly non-existent as well. Parents feel the need to constantly know at all times what their children are up to. This leaves no room for independence of no kind. Finally, we come to no emotional support and abuse. With there being no room for any display of emotions or emotional support, the children feel like there is no safe space to express themselves. This goes hand-in-hand with abuse, as it is considered to be a form of emotional abuse. Children observe these behaviors as normal and later on repeat them later on in adult life.

Slide 6: “The 4 ‘Rules’ Commonly Seen in Dysfunctional Families”

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Dysfunctional families often have a set of unspoken “rules” that are usually realized after said “rule” has been broken (Ferree, M.C., 2013).Those rules constant of 1. Don’t Talk, 2. Don’t Feel, 3. Deny, and 4. Blame. The first ten years of a child’s life are the most crucialest, as they are those precious years when the child is learning how to act and behave. This is the time they learn what is morally right and wrong, impacting the child for the rest of his or her life.

Slide 7: “The 4 “Rules’” -

Rule number one is the “Don't Talk” rule. Parents often use ulterior means of communication with each other and the children. (Ferree, M.C., 2013). It is a non-verbal cue that is unconsciously learned by the other members of the family. It may be used if one of the members stray into uncharted, or undesignated topics. Next, we have rule number two, Don’t Feel. This rule prohibits certain feelings, mainly the negative one. Those would include anger, fear, and sadness. There are some welcomed feelings too. Feelings of guilt, self-doubt, and happiness particularly are overtly welcomed. Avoidance of all expressions of anger, fear, or sadness can cause emotional shutdowns, depression, codependency, or even explosions of rage. This brings us to rule number three, deny or minimize. Denial helps the family cope with those things that are banned from being felt due to the no feel rule. In fact, denial is one the defense mechanisms that was originally identified by Sigmund Frued. It is intended to help deal with life’s painful realities. Finally, we have rule number four, Blame. When denial won’t work , the family resorts to putting the blame onto each other. Usually it is casted onto the member who has broken the don’t talk rule of the family. At times, blame is even directed towards God out of anger for the adults' problems.

5 Slide 8: “Other ‘Rules’” -

There are some other rules that were not mentioned in the last slide. They are called the “Other Rules” (Ferree, M.C., 2013). They could be the expansions to the previously mentioned rules, or they could even be their own rule. These “Other Rules” are: Dad and/or Mom are ALWAYS right, DO NOT upset Mom and/or Dad, Children are to be seen and NOT heard, it’s your job to take care of everyone else, our religious views are ALWAYS right and NEVER question it, appearances are above all else, women are nothing without a man, success is the measure of worth, and NEVER make any mistakes.

Slide 9: “Family Roles” -

In every dysfunctional family, there are “roles” that each member has its own role in (Ferree, M.C., 2013). Here are seven of the most commonly seen roles. 1. Hero, 2. Saint, 3. Little Princess or Prince, 4. Scapegoat, 5. Mascot, 6. Lost Child, 7. Doer. Each “role” is a serving block for the foundational system that is the backbone for the family rules.

Slide 10: “The Roles of the Family Explained” -

The role of the Hero in the family is one of the most prized roles of them all. It usually belongs to the oldest child, who is the superkid, overachiever, and the pride of the family. Accomplishments belonging to the hero are what allows the family to continue to live in their delusional state of denial. The family Mascot role often belongs to the family’s favorite. They have a great sense of humor and are delightful to be around. They are the thermostat of the family basically, taking the emotional temperature of the family to be sure everyone stays within their bounds and abides to the “no talking” and “no feeling” rules. The Saint is more of a religious role. It usually belongs to a male member. The Scapegoat is the family catch-all for everyone’s mess-ups. This person always does

6 everything wrong. The Princess or Prince is usually the first cousin to the Hero or the Saint. This person is seen as outstanding. Although, there is a performance component to this role. Their value is measured only by their accomplishments in life. The Lost Child is, honestly, the loneliest role of them all. This person receives little to no attention and is usually extremely lonely. Lastly, we have the Doer. This role typically belongs to the mother or another female within the family. They are the person who makes sure everything and everyone is doing as they should.

7 References Arora,

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Carnes,P.,(2009).Outoftheshadows.HazeldenPublishing. https://libertyonline.vitalsource.com/reader/books/9781592857692/epubcfi/6/22%5B%3 Bvnd.vst.idref%3Dx01-chapter-1%5D!/4/2%5Bx01-chapter-1%5D/2/2/1:7%5BTER%2C %201%5D

Ferree,

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No

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Prakash,

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Tikvah Lake Recovery (2021). Scapegoat, lost child, clown... the dysfunctional family roles. https://www.tikvahlake.com/blog/scapaegoat-lost-child-clown-the-dysfunctional-family-r oles/...