Every Man\'s Battle - Lecture notes 2 PDF

Preview

Summary

in-depth info n sex addiction...

Description

10/26/21, 2:15 PM

Every Man's Battle.txt

The diagnosis and treatment of sexual attraction is a Biblical counseling certificate program produced by the American Association of Christian counselors. Sexual addiction is arising problem in our culture. But many Christians are intimidated him confused on how to help those who are struggling with the help of our experts in this field. This series will help you learn how to diagnose and treat people face sexual addiction. In a lot of ways through the years we have repressed sexuality mark, especially in the church. The scripture does say that we are not talk about those things that are done in secret. I think the issue there was for us to be judicious in how we go about it. Certainly talking about and addressing these issues in a way that brings healing. By the way, silence doesn't bring healing. Well, I think the greatest enemy of sexual health is silence. And why we should keep the things that are between a husband and wife and secret. Talking about sexuality, particularly in our current culture. I mean, we've gotta bring it out into the light and the video that we're about to see teaching my Steve ardor brand is basically talking to all men about how to guard their mind, their eyes, and their heart against all the sexual stimulation that's out there in the world. What's amazing to me is people often think of sexuality is a brown paper bag issue. I'll tell you what. You don't have to go very far in the Word of God to realize that God is not silent on sexuality more, the Song of Solomon, nice explicit. That's really true in the Book of Proverbs that talks about let her breasts satisfy you. That in the book of Hebrews, the word says that the bed literally is undef filed. It's supposed to be something that is beautiful before God. Yeah. And he doesn't prevent or perverts good sex. We do. That's right. Steve ardor burn is notorious as a recovery expert and his work, every man's battle really has taken I think this whole discussion on sexuality to the next level so that we can talk openly and candidly about these issues. And we're delighted that Steve has joined us for this series. Certainly one of God's choice servants for this time. Let's go to Steve Oliver. Hi, thanks for giving me this time to talk to you about every man's battle. Now a lot of times people will view a video like this and they're expecting to receive some deep theological teaching or some new very, very extensive insight and to some psychological dimension. That's probably not going to happen in the next few minutes. But what I do hope will happen is that you'll have a better understanding of how a person, a man can win the battle that I think every man has to fight. Many men are struggling just to learn to put the toilet seat down. And so for us to have a battle like this with our soul, with our intention, with our minds and our hearts, is very, very difficult for us to win. And many of us men want to win this battle, but we've never been trained to do that. And so I hope that you'll walk away with an understanding of just how Victory can come in the area of sexual integrity and sexual purity. If you're a caveman and one day you woke up and the field where you normally went out and gathered up your food, if it was covered with maneating lions and bears and tigers, you would probably do something a little bit different than just to walk out there in that field and gather food. You would approach gathering food and a much different way because you know, or you would know that there were very, very dangerous things that are life threatening things. And so you would change the way you are. In fact, if you had children, you would teach them in a different way. If you knew that there were life-threatening animals out there where you normally gather your food on the plains? Well, in our day and age, it's not about gathering food, it's about living. And I believe that every day a man goes out into the world and there are some very life threatening things that are there. And we've acted like it didn't really matter that they were there, that if we just had God in our hearts, if we just had goodness on our minds that we could win this battle against those very life threatening things. Those things are certainly television. Those things are the Internet, Victoria's Secret catalog, Sports Illustrated, swimsuit edition. All of those things that may be a grandfather didn't have 20 or 30 years ago make it much more difficult for a person. To live in this world, not just with sexual integrity, but to live with your soul intact where you put your head on the pillow at night and you feel good about what's happened during the day. Because there are some very subtle and some very blatant attacks on a man's soul. And if we don't do some things differently, then we're going to be attacked. We are going to be defeated. And it's not just going to affect the way we feel about ourselves. It's going to affect our marriage and it's going to affect everything that we do. There's a website called pastors.com. It's a website out of Saddleback Church which is pastured by Rick Warren. In April of 2002, Rick did a survey of the 50 thousand pastors that are connected to his website. He asked him a question. It was real simple. How many of you have viewed internet file:///media/removable/USB Drive/Every Man's Battle.txt

1/7

10/26/21, 2:15 PM

Every Man's Battle.txt

*********** in the past year? Over 50 percent of the pastors, those 50 thousand pastors, had viewed internet *********** in the past year. I think that's a pretty startling statistic. But I think even more startling is the fact when he ask how many pastors had viewed internet *********** in the past 30 days? Over 30% had viewed it just in the past 30 days. It shows that this isn't just a minor problem with some men who don't attend church regularly and go to prayer meeting on Wednesday night. This is a problem not only with the lay folks but with clergy. We saw in 2002 finally the surfacing of the epidemic problem of molestation and the Catholic Church by priest. It's just another manifestation of every man's battle, and there is a way to win that battle. Now, I come by this subject and my coauthor, Fred stalker, who wrote the book, every man's battle with me. Both of us, we come by this through personal experience. I'll tell you a little story and I use this story to start off the book, just to show you where I was. I had lived a very promiscuous life. And before I got married to my wife Sandy, we made a commitment that even though I had been promiscuous, we were going to remain sexually pure until we got married. And we did and we got married. And something very well, devastating to me happened that let me know that even though I had had sexual purity from a physical sense before I got married, I hadn't really been experiencing that emotionally and mentally and spiritually after I got married. Here's what happened. I'm from Texas and when I went out to California, when I moved out there, I drove and 1988 owes mobile 88. It was a huge car and by all practical standards, any real estate agent wanting to cart around as many people as possible would be happy with that car. Well, I got out to California and there weren't a lot of big real estate cars out there like that. And I had a date with this person who would one day become my wife. And she had this little Mercedes convertible that I just thought was the most fantastic car in the world. And so I made a goal in life that I would own a car like that. Well, a couple of years later I did own a car like that. It was 10 years old, but to me it was the greatest car I could have ever own. I was very proud of that car. One day, I was driving my little convertible, Northern California toward Ochsner hard. And I was driving through Malibu and I had not been in California very long and Sandy and I had not been married very long. All of a sudden off to my left across the road as I was driving up the coast, I saw something that we typically did not see in Texas where I was growing up. There was a lady jogging in a bikini and she immediately caught my eye. She was quite tan, built quite well. And I just was fascinated by everything that she possessed as she ran down the sidewalk on the other side of the street, as she ran by. I was so intrigued by how she looked from the front that I thought it best to also view how she look the rear. And so I was twisting my head looking at her. I suspect that my head was about to snap off. I was turned around so far when all of a sudden, in the midst of this stop and go traffic, the car in front of me stop by my head was turned and glam, I crashed the car in front of me, totally ruining the front end of this fabulous little car that I was so proud of. Now here I was in the middle of the road, devastated in the midst of my shame, trying to figure out how I was going to tell my animal loving wife how I had swerved to miss that small dog there in the road and had crashed into this car. I also had the thought that, you know, I've got a decision to make. And that decision is, who am I going to be in this marriage? Because simply being a guy whose body doesn't have sex with some other person's body isn't enough. I needed to be true to my wife, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, with every part of my soul. And so I made a commitment that it wasn't just going to be about not having sex with my body. It was going to be about much more than that. It was going to be about being sexually pure and true and having sexual integrity. And let me tell you what I think sexual integrity is. Sexual integrity is the goal of winning the battle. And sexual integrity occurs when all of our sexual gratification comes from one person and that is our wife. And when Oliver, if we're single or sexual gratification comes from one person, and that is the future wife. Now, that means that if I am to sit here in front of you with integrity, I have to tell you that everything that I do sexually, my wife aware of it, she approves of it, and she's involved with it. Now, that's a pretty tough standard for a lot of people. And there are folks on both ends of the spectrum on this issue. Some who actually even think that sex for pleasure within marriage really isn't necessarily a very good thing that it's just there for having babies all the way to the other side where people say anything is okay. As long as two people agree and believe that it's okay. But I think God has a standard. I think even in the church, we kind of miss the standard a little bit there. The standard is, hey, let's do better. Let's be excellent. Let's do a good job at God's standard is holiness. He says to us to not let their even be a hint of sexual immorality among us. But I think that pretty much says it file:///media/removable/USB Drive/Every Man's Battle.txt

2/7

10/26/21, 2:15 PM

Every Man's Battle.txt

very clearly what God expects. Not even a hint of sexual immorality. Well, there are people who have written about this. And their specialty is on the why of sexual addiction and **** problems and lack of intimacy in marriage. They've done a great job. I don't think that every man's battle necessarily is a book that focuses a lot on the y or specializes and why. I think they are better people for that. But what we've tried to do is come up with the, what, what do you do if you want to live according to God's standard? That's really what every man's battle is about. And there are three areas that I want to cover with you in the time that we have left, that focus on the what of sexual integrity and sexual purity and how do we change the way we live? Now, I used to be a smoker and I I was one of those people that smoked a lot, but I hated it. Some people smoke and they loved smoking. And you could understand why they would smoke because they love it. I hate it. I was addicted to nicotine and I would do everything I could to quit. And I couldn't quit. Then one day I made a three-pronged commitment where I set up three perimeters that would prevent me from ever smoking again. And since I did that, I have never ever smoked another cigarette. Here's what I did. First of all, I said, I will never, ever have a cigarette in my mouth. Again. The first thing second thing is I said I would never have a cigarette in my hand. And the third thing I said was I would never even touch a package of cigarettes ever again in my life. So for me, relapsing wasn't putting a cigarette in my mouth. Relapsing was if I were to reach over and pick up a package of cigarettes. In fact, I had a person in my car one day who smoked and a pack of cigarettes fell out of their pocket and I didn't notice it and they didn't notice and it was only later that I saw there was a pack of cigarettes laying in the floorboard of my car. I went into the house and I got ice tongs. I picked up that pack of cigarettes and put it in the trash so that I could live up to that commitment. Well, it's the same kind of three-prong approach that Fred stalker and I have presented in every man's battle as a way to win this victory for sexual integrity and sexual purity. Now the first one is to make a commitment with your eyes. If you turned in your Bible to Job 31, you would see a very profound statement that I believe is the sort of what we're doing here in fighting this battle. And that is that Job said, I made a commitment. With my eyes, not to look upon the young women or the virgins of the day. That's a great standard. What a great thing. And you know, Joe lived up to that commitment. And if job can do it, we can do it also. Now, here's what that means. Making a commitment with the eye. If you were to look at a 1930s or 1940s movie. And let's say a woman's dress were to blow up or her top were to fall down or something like that were to happen. You would see a man in that movie do what men naturally did back in those days. A gentleman would look away. You would see him instinctively cover his eyes, are ducked down or look away, be embarrassed, maybe even blush. Well, we live in a day where nothing makes us blush and no one looks away. And everyone feels entitled to see and view whatever they believe that they can see and view. But the key to winning every man's battle is to do something that we call bouncing the eyes away. When you see an image, a person, a vision, you know, you're not supposed to be looking at that is very seductive. Then just look away from it. Just bounce your eyes away from it. And the more you do it, the more you practice it, the easier it gets to do. You become a different person. Many of us have been sitting with people at dinner. Attractive person walks by and we watched them lock on to that person and it has their full attention. Their full attention. Well, imagine if you're the wife of that person, what it makes you feel like that every beautiful person that walks by, the husband is locking on to that person, looking, staring, and getting an Eiffel. Let me tell you something. As men, we are gradually gratified. The visual images that we look at throughout the day. And just looking at that woman and then going down the road and looking at the billboards which are also very seductive and provocative. And then going to your office and looking at images on the Internet and then opening the newspaper and looking at everything that's in there and opening magazines. If you do that all day long, you will be sexually gratifying yourself visually. For men, the visual is part of sexual foreplay. And if you do that all day long, looking at all these images that are the most fantastic creatures that could ever be put in a picture. By the time you get home to things you're going to happen. First of all, your wife isn't going to look quite as good as those images that you've been looking at. And secondly, all day long you will had been experiencing a gradual gratification, a gradual sexual gratification, and you won't desire her as much as if you do something that we think is very important to winning this battle. Now what that is is starving your eyes when you make a commitment for sexual integrity and sexual purity. If you make a commitment to starve your eyes of all of those images that are out there. You file:///media/removable/USB Drive/Every Man's Battle.txt

3/7

10/26/21, 2:15 PM

Every Man's Battle.txt

are going to be surprised. I would say you're going to be shot at just how much more appealing, how much more attractive your wife is to you than you ever dreamed she could be. In fact, what both Fred and I have found is that things that maybe you thought were imperfections actually become things about your wife that attract you more because that's who your wife is. So our first level of defense are our first perimeter is bouncing the eyes away from things that we shouldn't be looking at. And starving the eyes of things that we shouldn't be looking at. Which are things that are sexually provocative, things that are other than the very person that we're married to. Now, when you do that, you really honor your wife. And she starts to notice a couple of things. She notices where your focus is. She notices what you look at, and she starts to feel a deeper connection to you. So not only are you fighting this battle on, on your own, but you're starting to get some help from your wife because she is going to respond to your increased attention and focus on her. But there's another area, the second perimeter that we set up or this second principle. It isn't just bouncing the eyes are making a commitment with the eyes, but it's making a commitment with your mind. Now, every man has what I call a Mustang mind. Here's what I mean by that. I was raised in Texas and that little rural town where you would typically see possum, the other white meat on the supermarket there we were out in the country during spring, we'd have spring round up. And it was during those times that we watch the guys bring in the horses and break the wild Mustangs and where they could be written. But growing up in that kind of environment, you'll learn a lot about horses. You learned something about a wild Mustang horse. It's pretty consistent from horse to horse. And that's this. A male Mustang horse will have sex with just about any horse he can get his hoofs onto. I mean, it's what he's programmed to do. It is his job and he does it as frequently as possible. So part of being a rancher is getting that male wild stallion, that Mustang, get him getting that horse in a corral away from the other horses that you don't want. That horse breeding when we have a Mustang mind. And reality is that anything that gets in the corral of our mind, we're going to have sex with it. We're going to have a sexual experience with that in our mind. Now, that may be the person at the office. It may be that billboard that we're looking at. It. Maybe that movie that we watch it may be that old girlfriend. And those videos that we play in our head of her and those memories that we have. But if we just let anything come into the corral of our Mustang mind, we're going to find ourselves having emotional sex. We're going to find ourselves having psychological affairs. We're going to find ourselves sexually gratifying ourself by the images, the memories, the things that we lead in that corral. And so the second commitment that we have to make if we want to have sexual integrity and sexual purity is the commitment to keep our Chorale clean and clear of all the other things that we can have sex with other than the woman that we're married. Now this isn't easy to do in this day and age because there are so many things out there that are trying to get inside that chorale of our mind. But it's important that we make that commitment that we just say, I'm not entitled to that. You know, if you're walking down the road and someone drops a $5 bill out of their pocket. You don't just feel like that That's yours because you saw it fall out of their pocket and you can pick it up and put it in your pocket. Now most people have a moral sense that it isn't yours. It's that persons. And we need to let that person habit and we need to give it back to them. Well, there are a lot of ...