Family Rules - Lecture notes Week 7 PDF

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Summary

Teacher: Julie Cross
Family Dynamics
School of Community Studies...

Description

Unit 7: Family Rules, Regulating Behaviour, Maintaining Patterns Topics 

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Types of family rules: o Idiosyncratic o Generic o Convert o Overt Meta Rules Redundancy Principle

Family Rules: 

All systems have rules & need them

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Systems must be organized to function

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Families are systems, so….

Family Rules: 1. organize the interactions & patterns of all family members 2. determine the family’s structure  Rules let you know what’s expected and what’s permitted.

Characteristics of Family Rules: Rules:    

ensure patterns are repeated over and over ensure the regularity of everyone’s behaviour ensure there are relationships inform Family Strategies

Rules are either:  OVERT or COVERT

                

Overt Rules: Are Explicitly Stated Don't talk with your mouth full Shut the bathroom door Take boots off before you come in the door Don't you dare talk to me like that Covert Rules: Can only be Inferred from Behaviour Never clearly identified as a rule Atmosphere changes when rule is broken Not open for discussion, debate or dialogue Confusing for kids - Impacts development of C's No one talks about Jane's pregnancy Don't comment/notice when mom's high on her pain pills Ignore when Dad's too drunk to go to work You don't dare talk to one parent the way you talk to the other.

GENERIC or IDIOSYNCRATIC  Generic Rules:  Rules commonly found in similar systems  Classroom "teacher asks question, student put up hand to answer, teacher chooses student, student answers, teacher praises student."  Idiosyncratic Rules:  Rules that are unique to particular system  Rules specific to certain people/situations  Dorota @ Fanshawe, doesn't communicate via FOL  All systems have both

Influence of Vertical Stressor: "all good girls must grow up and marry a nice boy"  Tom Boy -> rules about time spent with boys.  Gay -> rules about how time spent with girls.  Dating -> rules about how friends are acknowledged  Partnered -> rules about which relationships acknowledged  Wedding -> rules about which events are acknowledged

What makes some rules overt and others covert? How do rules end up being one or the other?

Rules Discovery Exercise 

List of generic / idiosyncratic rules from your family.

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Use your list of overt / covert to start.

---------------------------- next class ---------------------------Meta Rules 

The Rules About the Rules

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the principles on which all the rules are based.

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Determine: 

Who makes the rules?

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Who gets to break the rules?

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Exceptions to the rules?

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Who makes new rules?

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Who can veto rules?

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Who has final say?

If we didn’t have meta rules, anyone could change or create the rules. What’s wrong with that?

All rules are based on one or more meta rules.  Some are used to: ESTABLISH RULES, INTERPRET & NEGOTIATE RULES and CHANGE RULES

Examples: 

Mom & dad must agree on rules together.

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Mom can override rules made by dad.

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Dad makes all the rules about chores.

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New rules have to be discussed at family meetings.

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Grandma’s rules override all rules when she is around.

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Consequences for breaking a rule are dependent on dad’s mood.

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To change a rule, get on parent to side with you so they can argue and you get your way.

Meta Rules & Family Strategies In what ways are these two concepts related? Redundancy Principle Don D. Jackson DESCRIBES HOW FAMILIES OPERATE IN REPETITIVE, BEHAVIOURAL SEQUENCES… as related to individual behaviour Redundancy Principle Don D. Jackson

   

in families, people do not access the full range of behaviour open to them they settle on certain patterns that repeat (redundancy) over, and over, again Family strategies are driven by the redundancy principle Families fall back into familiar patterns on which they base their relationship.

Personality?

Or

Redundancy Principle?

Your brother’s girlfriend thinks he is a sweet, considerate guy when all he is with you is rude and argumentative. Your best friend is shy and innocent with her parents; she is a real party girl when the two of you go out. Your mother is short-tempered and impatient with your sister; when she deals with you, she is supportive and generous. Your father is calm and reasonable with his employees; he is distant and reserved with his kids. Your brother, who is so lazy that he never cleans up after himself, is the hockey coach’s top pick for first string because he is such a hard worker on the ice! A client is open and cooperative with you; other staff see him as hostile and unapproachable All: examples of how individual appears to have personality characteristics that are opposite, contradictory or incompatible.

Rules Personality Examples of different rules leading to a different personality?

CONTEXT Personality often determined by the relationship. If you want to alter someone’s personality, change the relationship in which it resides. Why is this particularly important for CYW’s to understand? Context of Behaviour Client is aggressive, noncompliant, withdrawn, stubborn, manipulative Often describe these as the way the kid “is” rather than “how” the child interacts within the context of that relationship....