Final Paper - (Death Dying) PDF

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Dr. Hinerman...

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1) How did Frank Ostaseski begin the Zen Hospice Project? What about the early days of Zen Hospice resonate with any of the five invitations Frank discusses in the book? The Zen Hospice Project was initiated in 1986 by Martha deBarros in which Frank Ostaseski later teamed up with deBarros to collaborate and work in partnership towards the mission of the Zen Hospice Project. Located in San Francisco, the Zen Hospice Project felt the need to address the suffering they witnessed everyday among the homeless population of the city, some of whom were dying on the streets. deBarros and Ostasekin started a volunteer program which occured in a very small room with a desk, a phone, and two chairs on the second floor of the City Center building on Page Street. It was all they started with, but it would become something so much bigger. Eventually, the building across the street had been converted to where hospice care would take place, and this later became known as the Guest House. The Zen Hopsice Project started with little to nothing, but with the right intentions and hearts of those with a common mission and goal, eventually blossoming into something that serves as a resource for those in need. One of the five invitations that Ostaseski speaks of is the fourth invitation: Find a Place of Rest in the Middle of Things. He mentions that for many of us, rest is something we believe comes to us when everything else in our lives is complete -- but we can find rest without having to alter the conditions in our lives. Ostaseski mentioned that when we feel the safe holding of an enviornment or awareness embracing us, it allows our fear, pain, and ugliness to come out and show themselves and to be gently held without judgement so that they can be healed. Ostaseski emphasizes that awareness itself is the ultimate resting place. For many people, the biggest struggle is fighting reality and accepting death. As a buddhist, Ostaeski’s goal for the Zen Hospice Project is to establish mindful and compassionate care. Not only is death a physiological ocurrence, but the events leading up to an individual's death have a great impact on them, psychologically. I think the fourth invitation really emphasizes “resting” and the Zen Hospice Project is a resource that can help individuals approach this “resting” period in which they become aware of the situation at hand. Ostaseski also mentions love when talking about the second invitation, Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing. Ostaseski exclaims that, “Love has been my mentor. Love itself has taught me to love,” which is what the Zen Hospice Project projects. Love.

2) List the five invitations, and give at least one example from the text that supports or exemplifies a way to achieve the invitation. Then, apply each of these to your own life

somehow (either personally, professionally, or as a student seeking a job in the nursing/helping professions, from family life, etc). Tell me about what you like about each invitation, and how it might help you in some way in your life. What makes each invitation difficult for you? The first invitation, Don’t Wait, is where Ostaseski speaks of impermanence. Impermanence typically generates a great deal of stress and anxiety and in response, we attempt to try to solidify and secure things in our life. Oftentimes we fool ourselves because we have the power to manipulate certain things in our life, providing us with temporary happiness. But the moment we are able to recognize and come to terms with impermanence, that is when we step into alignment and with the law of change and becoming. Ostaseski offers his wisdom and exclaims, “Instead of clinging to the past, we come into alignment with the truth of our present circumstance, and then we can let go of the fight. Why wait until we are dying to be free of struggle (30)?” To achieve this invitation, we must let go of the past and accept what is in front of us -- if we don’t, we struggle, especially with our inner thoughts, and why wait until we are on our death beds, to finally come to terms with life? Personally, this invitation resembles the phrase, “life is too short.” We are encouraged to go and live our lives for what it is because life is too short to do nothing but live. Within the phrase of “life is too short,” we are encouraged to drop our hatred, choose to forgive, and free ourselves from resentment -- exactly what Don’t Wait entails. Therefore, I choose to live life being kind and choosing to forgive individuals rather than holding a grudge -- because I know if anything were to happen to that indivdiual of myself, the regret of not forgiving would fill me instantly. The invitation of Don’t Wait can help individuals to overcome the hatred and heavy hearts they have, opening them up to love and kindness. However, it’s sometimes easiser said than done which makes this invitation difficult to achieve. It’s not something that can occur overnight, but a process that requires time. The second invitation entitled, Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing, is what Ostaseski claims is not an act of willingness, but love. Ostaseski exclaims what resignates with him when confronted with the word “welcome,” exclaiming, “In welcoming everything, we don’t have to like what is arising. It’s actually not our job to approve to disapprove. The word wlecome confronts us; it asks us to temporarily suspend our usual rush to judgement and to simply be open to what is happening. Our task is to give our careful attention to what is showing up at our front door. To receive it in the spirit of hospitality (72).” In order to achieve this invitation, we must not resist when faced with uncertainty. To welcome everything is an act of love. As a college student, I’ve had my fair share or uncertainties and the first thing I turn to is resistance -- I avoid it alltogether. But overtime, I’ve realized that avoiding it won’t help because while I’m avoiding it, the problem and uncertainity is still there. However, even in uncertainty, I try my best to think positively and the possible benefits that

could come out of it. For example, considering the situation we are all facing during this pandemic, I’ve been faced with uncertainty regarding grad school. I had an entire plan for the upcoming months to help me with the application process, but now that we are faced with this situation, it is highly unlikely I can pursue that plan. I initially felt negativitiy, but decided to open my mind to what is happening and what I can do during this time to continue to help myself in the process of applying to graduate school. I’ve also decided to try to take the positives out of the situation and acknowledge that this situation has allowed me to spend more time with my family. Like Ostaseski said, this invitation is not asking us to accept it, but to simply be open to what is ocurring. I appreciate that this invitation is a guide for individuals to seek everything with an open-mind and restrain from resistance, however as mentioned previously, it’s easier said than done. It’s particularly difficult to become open minded to something that you have a hard time finding the positive in. Although we may not be accepting or resisting it, being able to maniuplate the mind to be open to something you have such strong feelings for, is a difficult task and requires more than just a pep talk. The third invitation is entitled, Bring Your Whole Self to the Experience. Ostaseski exclaims, “to be whole, we need to include, accept, and connect all parts of ourselves. We need acceptance of our conflciting qualities and the incongurity of our inner and ouuter worlds,” suggesting to us that accept all the parts of ourselves, the good and the bad. He further mentions that “Wholeness does not mean perfection. It mwans no part left out (109).” As humans, we want to project a positive self-image; we want to be known for being helpless and kind, and less known four the qualities we may not like as much. However, we cannot choose what to accept and what to ignore of ourselves, because in the end we are whole. To achieve wholeness, we must include all parts of ourselves. A quality one might neglect is their fear. But neglecting fear is neglecting your authenticity. If we don’t act authentically, how can we expect others to act accordingly and be vulnerable with us? Something I always try to pratice is authenticity. Like everyone else, there are parts of me that I dislike and thus, would not want to be known or labeled for. So instead, I try to highlight the good parts of myself and try to forget the other qualities exist. However, I realized that I am unable to become vulnerable and express openess with others considering that I’m hiding parts of myself; and in return, they too cannot become open with me. If we cannot accept our whole selves, we miss out on experiences. The difficult thing about this invitation is that many of us struggle with self accpetance, especially since there are multiple factors that contribute to our self perception. However, one thing about the third invitation that I do like and acknowledge is that the theme of wholeness not equating to perfection, is emphasized. This creates a foundation for individuals to start from, with the knowledge in their mind that perfect is non-existent when it comes to the whole self; rather accepting all qualities of yourself, good and bad, is what speaks

authentic and provides wholeness. Find a Place of Rest in the Middle of Things, is the fourth invitation. Ostaseski mentions that we often think of rest as something that will come to us when everything else in our lives is complete such as at the end of the day, when we take bath, getting through our to-do lists, and the list goes on. To help us grasp an understanding of the fourth invitation, Ostaseski provides us with a story of a woman named Adele. Adele was struggling to breathe despite having been given all the appropriate interventions and as a result of this, grew frightened. Ostaseski had asked Adele if she’d like to struggle a little less and she agreed. Together, Ostaseski and Adele inhaled and exhaled together, allowing Adele to place attention on that small gap between exhaling and inhaling. That small gap betwwen each breath was essnetially Adele’s “rest.” According to Ostaseski, like Adele, we can find a place of rest within us without having to alter the conditions of our lives. Awareness of breath is one of the most straightfoward and easiest ways to come into the present moment (376). When the mind is attentative and focused, we draw attention to the space; and that space is where we can discover a place of rest. When I become overwhelmed and stressed, one of the things I enjoy doing is taking time away from what it is, to simply just breathe. I clear my mind trying my best to rid of all the thoughts that are wandering. Concentrating on every exhale and inhale. This allows me to calm myself, and realign my focus to what is important. The fourth invitation is something I practice a lot -finding rest in the midst of chaos. What I appreciate the most about this invitation is the goal itself: rest. I think that as a human being, we all need to find our moments of rest during life. However, for many, this task becomes difficult. “Rest” can actually be one of the hardest tasks for certain individuals whether it is because of inner thoughts or anxiety taking over -- everyone’s story is different. Concentrating and remaining clear minded while focusing on the present moment is often a difficult task and sometimes only lasts for a few seconds; but even these few seconds can provide relief. The fina and fifthl invitation is titled, Cultivate Don’t Know Mind. Ostaseski reminds us that this invitation isn’t an encouragement to be ignorant. Ignorance is not just knowing, but knowing the wrong thing and insisting on it. Ignorance is misperception. This invitation is about cultivating the mind to become open and receptive, so in order to achieve this invitation, we must empty our minds and open our hearts. This invitation comes with some sort of spaciousness, infused with a deep interest to know; a deep hunger to know what’s true. For me, this nvitation that became confusing to comprehend when I initially read it out loud; but through Ostaseski’s explanation, the definition became a lot clearer. We are oftetn times so fixed to our own thoughts, that we remain close minded and fail to cultivate our mind. There have been many times in which my idea or inital thoughts are challenged and

although I try to remain open-minded, I find myself sticking with my thoughts, disregarding the rest. It’s not that I don’t know, but fail to keep an open mind of other possibilities, leading me to portray ignorance. This is where this invitation becomes difficult. The difficulty isn’t failing to be open-minded, but allowing your mind to get there; it stems from the individual person themselves, not the idea being closed off. We as humans go through life differently and as we do, we experience different things, ultimtaley leading us to view things differently. According to Ostaseski, “When we enter a situation with don’t know mind, we have a pure willingness to do so, without attachment to a particular view or outcome (429).” We must surrender our own views and open our minds and hearts. 3) Describe the overall caregiving ethos Frank is suggesting in the text. How is he suggesting we approach treating patients? What do we need to do as friends/lovers/caregivers? What do we need to be mindful of? Throughout the text, there were reocurring themes that seemed important to address: Love, authenticity, and trust. Ostaseski speaks of love as the quality that allows us to welcome everything, exclaiming “the sort of fearless openness required to turn toward our suffering is only possible within the spacious receptivity of love (194),” but love itself is also the quality that teaches us to love others. Love is also something we confuse with attachment -- attachment likes to impersonate love. Love is an expression of our most essential nature; attachment is an expression of the personality. When we learn to love and not be invested in an unhealthy attachment, we help ourselves to welcome everything, not just what we prefer most. Ostaseski mentioned, “love is the motivation that enables us to move toward fear -- not in order to conquer it, but in order to include it so that we might learn from it (209).” As caregivers, family members, and friends, sometimes we struggle with the thought of losing someone, but when we learn to love and welcome everything, we help ourselves to avoid the suffering. In addition, love is about caring and being compassionate -- qualities we should always potray as human beings, especially when treating patients. A few other themes that seem rather important to speak about are authenticity and trust, as they go hand in hand. Ostaseski speaks of authenticity, exclaiming, “It [authenticity] means taking personal responsibility for both the tasks at hand and the relationships we build as we perform those tasks. Acting authentically builds trust (236).” The authenticity and trust between a caregiver and patient is so incredibly important and really sets the dynamic of their treatment and care. Ostaseski speaks of Zen Hospice and how finding common ground with the patients was what mattered the most to him in the beginning of their arrival; as mentioned before, it set’s the tone for the rest of the process. Ostaseski would talk about things like favorite types of food, with the goal in mind of trying to find common ground. Ostaseski shared a story of a patient named Lorenzo who barely talked to anyone since being admitted.

Through patience and being in his presence for quite some time, Lorenzo spoke to Ostaseski in which they talked about his needs and wants, “I want spaghetti” spoke Lorenzo. For Lorenzo, spaghetti meant familiarity, nurturance, home, and a return to normalcy. Although it seems silly, trust begins with the smallest thing and is developed through time; and for Lorenzo, this is where his relatiobship with Ostaseski began to develop in which he gained trust and security in him, sharing his seccrets and fears. As caregivers, one of the most important things to etstablish with a patient is trust. Trust goes a long way. In addition, developing trust requires us to be mindful of the individuality of each person -- no patient is the same, so we must adjust the way in which we choose to develop that relationship of trust, without compromising our authenticity. Furthermore, we must also be mindful of ourselves and our feelings. If we fail to remain healthy or become mentally or emotionally unstable, how can we possibly treat patients? Self care amongst caregivers, friends, and family members is essential when providing a healthy environment for the patient(s). 4) What story from Five Invitations affected you, and/or inspired you most? Why? There were many personal stories that Ostaseski shared through his book, but the story of Tommy and his mother really intrigued me and made me question how we as humans comprehend and grieve death. Ostaseski describes the story of Tommy and his mother, Ethel, as a “good illustration of form and emptiness at play in the world.” Ethel who had brain cancer, was a patient at Zen Hospice and her son Tommy had downn syndrome. Although Tommy was in his teens, his emotional and psychological development were similar to that of a six year old. When Ethel died, Tommy’s family and therapist were initally hesitant about bringing Tommy to visit his mother, afraid of the way he’d respond. When Tommy was brough to the room with his mother, he turned to Ostaseski and asked, “Where has all that gone?” After Ostaseski asked Tommy about what he thought, he took a few minutes to think and responded with such an animated description of what might have happened to his mother including images of butterlfies emerging from cocoons and Terminator 2. Tommy eventually asked Ostaseski more questions such as, “When you are dead, can you feel?” During the final moments with his mother, Tommy leaned over his mother's body and smelled her from head to toe. In that moment, it was Tommy’s way of knowing, visceral and papable. As Ostaseski mentioned, “I wondered, if death could be as natural for adults in our culture as it was for Tommy?” What Tommy had done, many adults could have never allowed themselves to be that intimate with death. The story of Tommy and his mother allowed me to do my own self reflection as I realized I probably wouldn’t be able to approach death so intamately either. But why? Maybe if we became more intimate with form and emptiness in everyday life, we wouldn’t be so afraid of becoming intimate with death. As I’ve mentioned in previous discussion posts, death is something that weighs heavy on me and is something that generally

causes me lots of grief, anxiety, and fear. Part of the reason I took this class was in hopes that I’d be able to educate myself more on death and dying, ultimately allowing me to come to terms with death and what it truly is/means. The story of Tommy and his mother made me question my own reality and the way I go through everyday life. How exactly do we get ourselves to view death as natural or normal in our culture as Tommy did? 5) Describe three ways the text has supported, amplified, or clarified themes in our class.\ In our class, we’ve been learning about hospice care and it’s goals: provide relief from pain and suffering, promote an aura of peacefulness and an acceptance of dying, and treat the patient and family as the unit of care. Throughout Ostaseski’s book, not only did he talk about the invitations, but shared many stories of Zen hospice and it’s patients in which I was able to recognize all the goals of hospice, clearly through the stories shared by Ostaseski. Ostaseski was able to shed light on the love, pain, compassion, loss, and forgiveness that can arise around the dying process. Through recalling personal stories, spreading wisdom, and emphasizing the importance of the five invitations, Ostaseski was successfully able to support many of the themes discussed in class. A theme we constantly cover in class is autonomy and this theme reocurred throughout Ostaseski’s text. Ostaseski shares...