Mate Selection - Grade: 100 PDF

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Shyama Rani Debnath

FNES 147

Mate Selection: The Filter Theory Theory Portrayal in Different Communities

Mate selection is an issue that humans share with other animals. However in human societies, people bond over marriage. Marriage is looked at as sealing the deal. Murstein’s filter theory suggests that partners are iritialy selected based on obvious stimulus characteristics like attractiveness. Then they are filtered through more finer filters based on similar values and role compatibility. Society has created a norm to shift eligible people through our/their sum personal filter according to our criteria of what is important and what we want and narrow the field. The filter theory was coined by Kirchoff and Davies in 1962. This theory suggested that there are certain limiting factors that affect the choice of partners. We as humans become attracted to those who pass through a series of filters. The first Similarity Filter in this theory is social demography. We are more likely to come in contract with some people rather than others .This is due to how we spend our time .Some factors include who we live near, who we are with during our education /work lives and who we socialize with. Throughout history of many different places, this is similarly shown through marriage within one’s social class, similar education level, or similar economic status.

The second Similarity Filter is attitude. Because of the first similarly filter, it’s more likely we will come into contact with people that share similar core values to us. We see these people as more desirable and this assists us with self disclosure at the start of the relationship. The third Similarity Filter is complementarity. We are attracted to those who provide for our emotional needs. This way, partners can have differences that are mutually beneficial . This is where the phrase “ opposite attract” comes in place. Kirchoff and Davies conducted a seven month questionnaire on views that were based on longitudinal studies using student couples. This experiment found that the similarity of attitudes was the most important factor for short term relationships, while complementarity was the most important factor in long term relationships. The Social Exchange Theory is a theory by Thibault and Kelley in 1959. It is viewed as an economic theory because people weigh up the rewards versus the costs when staying in a relationship. This theory explains why people stay in relationships. People compare the benefits and costs they would get out of a relationship. The difference of rewards and costs of the relationship equals the outcome of the relationship. The Social Exchange Theory comes in after matching with someone. This theory is more about the terms of the relationship; long term, short term, or ending the relationship.

We develop a comparison level. This is a product of our experiences in other relationships and our general expectations. People hold costs and rewards at different levels than others. One reward may weigh more than a cost. It depends on what the person valves. Costs and benefits are considered more as relationships develop. These theories are mainly focused in relationships of those in the Western world, specifically America. Typical mating life differs depending on location. Culture and traditions also play roles in these choices. However, I strongly believe that the Filter Theory plays a role in Indian society; more in the past than today. The caste system is an outdated system that is illegal in India, however to this day plays a role. Caste system was a way to determine someone’s status in society. People would marry into the same caste. This is still enforced in many families. During ancient times, caste made a little more sense. It had a lot to do with a person’s profession and education, which indubitely determined with the person’s wealth. People would have no way to move up the “social class scale”. This has changed a lot because people who come from “low caste” backgrounds can and have very well held high positions in the workfield. The way the caste system fits in with the Filter Theory is that people would marry within groups that they had similarities with such as profession, wealth, education level, dietary choices, etc. The filter theory is also portrayed in today’s online dating scene. There are

many dating apps that match the user to others based on many things, mainly geographic proximity. One dating app that very well portrays the Filter Theory is called Dil Mil. This application caters specifically to South Asians.This is targeted towards the 18-35 age group range meaning the preferred and predicted age for marriage in the South Asian communities. On this app you are asked your height, educational background, career, religious views (if any), and ethnicity. Users are able to filter their preferences in a choice for a future partner. After this, the app asks you to choose from a variety of things that pertain to you such as if you like hiking, your favorite pastime, and various characteristics of yourself. From these filters, the interface matches you with others. Then you are given the choice to swipe left or right and then begin a conversation with the other person if you match with them. I personally used this app (with success). My profile showed that I am 5’4”, Bengali, Hindu, attending college, and in the healthcare field. My preferences were 5’7”-6’3”, Punjabi, and Sikh/Hindu. I matched with plenty of people within New York. But during a free trial I was able to change my distance preferences and matched with my current partner who resides in Columbus, Ohio. Another more intense dating website is called shaadi.com. This is very popular in South Asian communities around the world. In this website a parent, friend or the person themself can make a profile. Similar to Dil Mil, this website

asks about ethnicity and religion, but also asks about time of birth, caste, ghotra (sub-caste), diet (veg, non-veg, occasional non-veg), smoking habits, alcohol consumption tendencies, manglik or non-manglik (if Mars is in your 1,2,4,7,8,or 12th house) and other cultural things. I think this shows that different versions of the filter theory are in affect in different societies and cultures. Furthermore, the filter theory is in effect throughout communities. However, the choices in similarity filters may differ. In the modern dating scene, the filter theory is used through online dating apps. These apps allow users to set their preferences in people they would possibly get into long term or short term relationships with....