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Christy Yam 160118490 RE348 OC Dr. Ann Baranowski Final Essay My Personal Experiences with Healthy and Unhealthy Religion Growing up, I was part of a religious Baptist Christian family. Even though we grew up religious, my parents made it clear that it was my choice as to if I wanted to believe in God or not. Though they expressed that this is what they believed in, they did not force upon me like some religious fanatics would do. To start, relating this to James Jones, my parents did not demonize others, seeing Christianity as the only pure form (Jones, 2012). Adding to this, my parents would classify as what Donald Winnicott would deem a “good enough caregiver” . To define a good enough caregiver, it is one “who could be a non-intruding presence: neither impinging nor neglecting, but a good balance of attentiveness without meddling (Baranowski, Lesson 7). My parents are an accurate example of Winnicott’s term as they were never invasive and always ensured that I had my own choice. They would always be there if I had any questions, religious or not. As I trusted them dearly, it gave me the chance to “unintegrate” (Epstein). Since I had the chance to unintegrate, my transition into creativity, being, and play enabled a good foundation. As a result of this, I chose to go to church to experience this for myself. Since it was my choice, I stopped going to my childhood church after the divorce of my parents at age 16. Jones’s characterization of a healthy religion is one that: “contributes to building and sustaining self structures, supports the self's nuclear program of ambitions and ideals, and

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encourages affirming empathic relationships with others (2012). In the beginning, I believed that my childhood church (church A) characterized as a healthy religion. However, after my parents’ divorce, it seemed that the church had turned on our family. Understanding that divorce is frowned upon in the Bible, they not only made this clear but shunned my family for it. In the aspect of Jones’, my church did not affirm empathic relationships with others, but rather turned everyone against us. As this was a small church, everybody knew each other. Dealing with the stress my parents’ divorce gave me as well as the upcoming move a new city because of the split I knew would inevitably occur, the environment in my church was toxic. Talking about Jones’ unhealthy religious idealization in Lesson 5 (2012), my pastor would constantly state that he was perfect. Not only did he state this all the time, but he would constantly put me down in front of my peers. I distinctly remember this one fellowship on Friday night, our topic was love. Acknowledging that this was a couple years back and my memory of the lesson is blurry, I still remember these words clearly. As my pastor knew my parents were going through this divorce, he looked towards me and said “anyone who disobeys my teachings, or God’s teachings will end up in Hell. Anyone who divorces anybody is impure and not a true Christian”. As soon as I heard this, my stomach froze. As I was still a young teenager, I believed every word he said. I remember getting so angry at my parents knowing they disobeyed the word of God making them impure. Looking back at this now, the way my church handled my family’s personal issue is an example of unhealthy religion. Not only did my pastor constantly refer to himself as perfect, but he purposely put me down in front of my fellowship members. One experience I have had can be related to “Jesus Camp” as one child in the film voiced that the word of God made him felt guilty and bad (Ewing & Grady, 2006). In church A, I really felt this way at a point. My pastor made me think that my family had become a failure because

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we disobeyed the word of God. Even as I tried to talk to him about my feelings, he disregarded everything I said. Much of the reaction was similar to the people in “Jesus Camp”. My pastor gave me a disgraceful feeling, and never reaffirmed or help with my feelings. Contrasting Jones’s definition of healthy religion, unhealthy religion “exploits the narcissistic needs and object hungers of its devotees, encourages addictive dependence, and discourages our search for our own unique goals and ambitions” (Baranowski, Lesson 2). As I settled into my new city, I truly did not think I would want to go back to church because of the experience I had. However, upon meeting a friend I decided to try out another church (church B) which I have never been to. The experience I got from this church completely changed my premeditated mindset of Christian faith. This church was very welcoming, and did not care that I came from a divorced family. As I wanted to get to know the pastor more, I decided to have a conversation with him. The answers I got astonished me. Opposing my previous pastor, the pastor in this church acknowledged that other religions are not impure. He also did not refer to himself as perfect in every way, but he acknowledged that he was human with imperfections seeking to follow the word of God. This was already a much better feeling as my previous pastor would make the lessons of Christianity seem unattainable. He never failed to remind me that I was not pure because I had a “broken” family. As I have never experienced a church that did not frown against me studying other kinds of religion, it made me more comfortable and willing to learn. I liked that there was no rock on me telling me what I could and could not study. Church B is an example of a healthy religion as it did not force me into addictive dependence. It allowed me to have a choice in what I could study, as well as have my own judgement in things. As unhealthy religion does not encourage goals and ambitions outside of the religion, church B did the opposite. The pastor told me that I

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should explore, and see what kind of belief I would fit into. He preached the word of God in a loving, open way which was very unlike church A. Our old sermons had the words “any religion that is not Christianity is impure” drilled into my head. As a result, the fact that I finally had my own opinion is the main reason I believe this church is an example of healthy religion. To conclude, my personal experiences from my parents and two different churches enabled me to understand the concepts talked about by: James Jones, Mark Epstein, and Donald Winnicott. It also helped me understand the film Jesus Camp more as I never realized I could relate to the feelings the children had prior to this essay. As I finally experienced healthy religious idealization in Jones’s aspect, I honour my relationship with God now more than ever. I will continue to worship in this church as it is everything a healthy church environment should make me feel with my relationship with the word of God.

Work Cited Baranowski, A. (2019). Lesson 2: Religion and idealization [mylearningspace]. Retrieved from https://mylearningspace.wlu.ca/d2l/le/content/290733/viewContent/1617208/View Epstein, M. Surrender. Going To Pieces Without Falling Apart. Retrieved from https://mylearningspace.wlu.ca/content/enforced/290733-

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684.201901/Readings/Surrender.pdf? _&d2lSessionVal=gWsPgyt54dAoDQR9NVqmTqFzC&ou=170812&_&d2lSessionVal= WKzGE71vXujqLYQjNsALd0SGf&ou=290733 Jones, J. W. (2012). Terror and transformation: The ambiguity of religion in psychoanalytic perspectives. New York: Taylor and Francis. Ewing, H., & Grady, R. (2006). Jesus Camp [Film]....