Satirical essay teen pregnancy PDF

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Satirical essay- Teen Pregnancy Info paragraph: Problem teen pregnancy today, solution mandatory tools to avoid pregnancy Body 1: If you castrate men you don’t have pregnancy Body 2: Chastity belts must be worn at all times Body 3: Vasectomy Conclusion: Friends with benefits, slutty girls and, Tinder are just a few things leading to teen pregnancy. Teens do not understand the responsibilities or have the level of maturity that comes from having sex. Most teens live in the heat of the moment and do not take into consideration the consequences. Teens do not take the initial precautions because they have the mindset “it will not happen to me”. Teens often think that if they repent their sins, or take the morning after pill that the situation will be okay. Some high schools are putting in daycares to accommodate their growing pregnant student body. This will also help their enrolment and not to lose out on any government education funding. To prevent these teen pregnancies, we have devised an outline of drastic measures to be put in place in the schools. These mandatory tools will help make sure our teens stop and think before doing something they might regret in the near future. Also these tools could help them realize that sex is not fun and pleasurable, just like our teachers and parents told us. All schools will be required to pull every male from their Grade 8 class list for a minuscule procedure. This very painless simple procedure is called a vasectomy. There will be a doctor hired by the School board which travels from school to school to perform this very simplistic procedure. Unless they have a signed note from their parents saying that they don’t have to have the procedure done. There may be complaints and emotional outburst such as crying but it is mandated and must be done just like the flu shot. The procedures will be filmed and used by the science teacher for educational purposes. However on a side note, the Safeway grocery stores will provide all males of the Grade 8 classes with their own frozen bag of peas for a speedy recovery! The benefits here are numerous. Teen pregnancies will be reduced dramatically, so when teenagers decide it is time to lose their virginity, pregnancies wanted or not will not be a concern. Birth control pills will be the thing of the past, which will decrease health costs.

We can’t leave this all up to the males either. All Fathers will be responsible to take their teenage daughters and get them sized up, and fitted, for a lovely chastity belt. All stainless steel belts are custom made to specifications. Daughters will be able to decorate the belt however she wants as long as the integrity of the belt is not impaired. These necessary belts come with one key only! This key will remain in the father’s possession throughout his daughter’s teenage years. Once she turns twenty the key will then be handed over to her. She will then be able to use the key to remove the chastity belt at her own doing, being free from teenage pregnancy.

If society decides that the previous two solutions to teen pregnancy have not succeeded then the next step will be male castration at birth. After the mother has had her ultrasound in the fifth month and the doctor knows the sex of the baby is male, then upon birth the baby will be castrated. Without the urge to have sex the human species will be able to accomplish remarkable things. Technology will rise dramatically and we will find a way to reproduce asexually. Sex appeal won’t matter anymore because you are not trying to attract the opposite sex. Teens will be confident with high selfesteem. When teens are equal society will change for the best. Teenage sex and unplanned teen pregnancies will be the thing of the past.

Some of you may think these changes are drastic but as a concerned society we will have to take drastic measures to promote teenage abstinence! Teens will not stop having unprotected sex on their own they will require assistance. We, as a society need to step in and make these mandatory adjustments to solidify the no teenage sex policies in whatever way is necessary. The future of our youth is compromised. The government and society are unifying to set our teens on the right path, the path of teenage pregnancy being in the past. There will no longer be children born that the parents don’t want....