Ch 10 Dynamics Of Interpersonal Relationships (complete) PDF

Preview

Summary

dynamics of interpersonal relationships...

Description

Why we form relationships? Appearance Face images are rated as less attractive when they appear near those rated as unattractive or average Relationship progress After passing initial impressions: ordinary people with pleasing personalities are attractive

Many abusive relationships don’t end w Abuse can be mental, verbal, sexual, o Can leave scars that last forever Partners often believe that a bad relatio Have trouble seeing visible and r

Beauty influenced by traits Liking Respect Familiarity Social interaction

Alternatives Don’t keep abuse a secret: tell a tru Watch far patterns: abuse often ha Resist self-blame

Physical factor become less important As romantic relationships develop: partners create “positive illusions” viewing one another as more physically attractive overtime

Similiarity Similarity thesis the strongest determinant of relationship formation is similarly to another person Similar values about politics and religion are the best predictors of mate choices more than attraction to physical appearance or personality traits Plays an important role in initial attraction Speed daters are more attracted to similarities they believe they had than the actual similarities Deciding you like someone often leads to perceptions of similarities Strong foundation of relationships 1) validation Another person shares your beliefs, tastes, and value is a form of ego and support “Implicit egoism” May unconsciously affect perceptions of attractiveness 2) more predictable and enjoy same activities 3) you assume they like you when the person is similar to you and the result is you like them back

Complementarity Differences strengthen a relationship when they are complimentary: each partners characteristics satisfy the other’s needs Each person handles a different area and makes their own decisions Example: One person handles the technology the other person handles house decorations “Spendthrifts” And “tightwads” are often attractive to each other Financial management differences lead to significant conflict over the course of a relationship Radically different relationships: differences appear later and cause breakups Successful marriage: have enough similarities and differences to satisfy physically, mentally, and keep relationship interesting

Rewards Social exchange theory an economic model of a relational attraction that suggest that we seek out people who can give us rewards that are greater than or equal to the cost we encounter in dealing with them Suggest that communicators seek out people who provide rewards greater or equal to the cost they encounter in dealing with relationships Formula: rewards - costs = outcomes Rewards any outcomes that we desire Tangible : nice place to live, high paying job

Intangible: prestige, emotional support, companionship

Costs undesirable outcomes Examples: unpleasant work, emotional pain People use the formula to calculate whether a relationship is a “good deal” or “not worth the effort” based on positive or negative outcomes (unconscious mind) Exchange approach: blatant(bad behavior) level seems cold and calculating but can be appropriate in some types of relationships Business : based on how well parties help one another Friendship: based on informal kind of barter Friends/lovers: tolerate quirks due to comfort and enjoyment When one partner feels “under benefited” leads to relational disruption or termination Costs and awards don’t exist in isolation defined by comparing a certain situation with alternatives Comparison level (CL) the minimum standard of what behavior is acceptable from a relationship partner

Communicators use the calculus to decide whether to form or stay in the relationship Comparison level of alternatives(CL alt) a comparison between the rewards one is resolving in a present situation and those one could expect to receive in others Al

Competency When people form impressions based on limited online data it’s important to be presented as a competent communicator People who seem too perfect can be off-putting Experimental conditions A person with superior ability to/ to not blunder An average person who do /don’t blunder The person rated most attractive was superior to blunder Communicators have preference for competence people who don’t seem too perfect

Proximity You are likely to develop relationships with people you frequently interact with Good chance, you’ll choose a partner you cross paths with (often) Social media: messaging (chat) can create virtual proximity Cultural proximity outweighs geographic proximity People in close proximity may be more similar to you

Disclosure The basis of attraction comes from learning about the ways you’re similar: experiences or attitudes Self-disclosure increases liking by indicating regard Not all disclosure leads to liking Keys to self-disclosure (satisfy) Reciprocity: getting back a type of information that you revealed Context:private disclosures are more appropriate and intimate; public disclosures reduce liking Reveal personal information to a trustworthy person

Models of relational dynamics Stages of relational development model Mark Knapp developed one of the best known models Broke down the waxing and waning of relationships into 10 steps: coming together and apart Any relational communication model involves a 3rd step Relational maintenance communication aimed at keeping relationships operating smoothly and satisfactory Not all stages last forever

Stage 6: differentiating Differentiating partners re-establish their individual identities after bei Couples focus on what they want to do without their partner Can be positive: forging their own unique lives/identity whole maintai Often part of normal relational maintenance Partners manage inevitable challenges that come their way The key is maintains a commitment to a relationship while creating s

Step 7: circumscribing Circumscribing partners reduce the scope of their contact with each oth A Latin word meaning “ to draw circles around” Can be a healthy balance between individuals and relational identity Can create problems : more separation than integration or limited int

Stage 1: initiating Initiating the interactants express interest in one another The goals: show interest by making contact and demonstrate you are worth talking to Communication is brief: handshake, conversation about weather, friendly expression Behavior: may seem meaningless and superficial but, signals that you are interested in building a relationship Initiating relationships (especially romantic) are difficult for shy people Social media makes it easier to strike up a conversation and results in successful relationships The opening stage of all relationships

Stage 8: stagnating Stagnating declining enthusiasm and standard forms of behavior Members behave toward others in old familiar ways without much fe No growth occurs and relational boredom sets in A shell of your former self

Stage 9: avoiding Avoiding the partners minimize contact with each other Create a distance between each other

Stage 2: experimenting

They give excuses or inform directly Everyone drifts apart, rarely interact with each other, leaves import

Experimenting a search for common ground: if successful the relationship progress and if not it won’t go any further

Stage 10: terminating

An early stage in the model Begins with basics (small talk) then look for similarities Small talk is the Hallmark of experimenting A way to find out interests you share with the person “Audition” help decide wether a relationship is worth pursuing or not A way to “audition” the other person Safe way to easy into a relationship Not all experiments are successful The longer online couples wait to meet face-to- face the more awkward it’ll be Communicators call the change mobility switching in communication channels and it has a variety of changes

Stage 3: intensify Intensify the interactions move forward by increasing their amount of contact and breadth and depth of self-closure Friendships:spending more time together, participating in activities, hanging out with friends or taking trips Romance: saying “I love you” , doing favors for the partner, hinting, flirting, express feelings (nonverbal), look more attractive, getting to know partner’s family and friends A time of relational excitement and happiness (euphoria) Friendship: a new BFF Romance: goosebumps, “catch feelings”, stargaze People are likely to move to the next stage

Stage 4: integrating Integrating interactants begin to take on a single identity Social circles emerging: couples going to holiday gatherings together or invites with the same last name May include changing social media status to make it “official”

Stage 5: bonding

Terminating the concluding stage of relationship characterized by the a Characteristics: summary dialogues of where the relationship has gon 45% of Breakups by texting results in wounding and infuriating the pe

Bonding the partners make symbolic public gesture to show the world that their relationship exists and a commitment has been made Examples:engaged/marriage, sharing a house/apartment Th k h l f d l d l h

Dialectical tensions Dialectical tensions relational tensions that arise when two opposing or incapable forces exist simultaneously Not all theorists believe the stages are the best way to explain relational dynamics Possible for a relationship to have attributes for “coming together “ and “coming apart” at the same time Relational parters experience internally(within relationship) and externally (face the world) Normal and manageable factors in maintaining a healthy relationship Integration–Separation

Stability–Change

Expression–Privacy

Internal Dialectic

Connection–Autonomy

Predictability–Novelty

Openness–Closedness

External Dialectic

Inclusion–Seclusion

Conventionality–Uniqueness

Revelation–Concealment

From Baxter, L. A. (1994). A dialogic approach to relationship maintenance. In D. J.

Integration v.s separation Integration-separation dialectic the tensions between the desire for connection with others and desire for independence Connection-autonomy dialectic the tension between the need for integration and the need for independence in a relationship(internally) The tension between integration and separation operates internally and externally The ability to manage the conflicting needs for connection and anatomy is basic to relational success The most common reasons for breakups is failure of partners to satisfy one another’s need for connection and excessive demands for connection Mobile devices can create a connection (autonomy dilemma) Frequent interact can build intimacy in a romantic relationship intimacy in a relationship Receiving too many texts/calls can create tension: feel imposed and smothered Inclusion-seclusion the tension between a couples desire for involvement with the “outside world” and their desire to live their own lives, free of what can feel like interference from others

Stability v.s change Stability- change dialect the tension between the desire to keep a relationship predictable and stable and the desire for novelty and change Predicability-novelty dialect within the relationship: the need for a predictable relational partner and one who is more spontaneous and less predictable Conventionality- uniqueness dialectic the tension between the need to behave in ways that confirm to others expectations and the need to assert one’s individuality by behaving in ways that violate others expectat Stable patterns of patterns of behavior do emerge that enable others to make useful judgements such as “happy family” or “dependable organization” The “blanket” characterizations can stifle people in relationships who may sometimes want to break away from the expectations others hold of them

Expressions v.s privacy Expression-privacy dialect the tension between the desire to be open and disclosing and the desire to be closed and private Disclosure is a characteristic of interpersonal relationships along with maintaining space between themselves and others (equally) Openness- closedness dialect the tension between the desire to be honest, open , and privacy The internal struggle between expression and privacy Wise communicators make choices about what they will/won’t share with loved ones for the other’s sake (sometimes) Revelation-concealment dialect the tension between a couple’s desire to be open and honest with the “outside world” and the desire to keep things to themselves Same conflicts between openness and privacy operate externally

Strategies for managing dialectical tension 1) denial pretending to themselves and one another that conflicts don’t exist Some partners choose the strategy in face of conflicting desires 2)compromising: another unsatisfying approach 3) Alternate: choosing one end of the dialectical spectrum at sometimes and the other end on different occasions Used to diffuse tensions (unconsciously) 4)Accept: an awarding approach and able to embrace opposing desires Barbra Montgomery describes a couple who accept the needs for predictable and novelty by devising a “predictable novel” approach: they do something they have never done before (once a week)...