Chapter 5 PDF

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Lecture notes on Chapter 5: Dr. Logan ...

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Chapter 5: 10 Laws of Boundaries: 1. Sowing and Reaping:  Also called the law of cause and effect  NOT punishment from God  Natural relationship between actions and consequences  Ex. Smoker developing smoker’s hack or lung cancer  Can be interrupted by a codependent/enabling  Ex. Your mother pays your credit card bills  Codependents “consign the note” of life for the irresponsible person 2. Responsibility:  Involves taking responsibility for one’s own life  Unbiblical views of responsibility -responsibility is self-centered -actually becoming self-centered or selfish…misunderstanding of this law -feeling guilty when doing someone a favor  

The law of responsibility includes loving others We are to love one another, not be one another. I can’t do/be/think for you…(older sibling)

3. Power  We are all in a state of powerlessness  Although we are I that state, we do not have the power to do things that will help us overcome problems A. We have the power to agree with the truth about our problems B. We have the power to submit our inability to God C. We have the power to search and ask God and others to reveal more and more about what is within our boundaries D. We have the power to turn from the evil we find within our selves E. We have the power to humble ourselves and ask God and others to help us with our developmental injuries and leftover childhood needs 4. Respect:  We fear they will not respect our boundaries  We focus on others and lose clarity about ourselves  We can judge others’ boundaries as we think we know what is in their best interest. We will be judged by how we judge  Ex. “what do you mean ‘no’?” 5. Motivation:

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False motives keep us from setting boundaries Examples of false motives: Fear of loss of love, abandonment, anger, loneliness, etc. Giving in to feeling less guilty about past issues Approval… still seeking parental approval. (well-pleased) Princess Bride. My name is Inigo Montoya, you…. Over-identification with the other’s loss. When they say “no” they feel the pain/ disappointment in the other person so they comply

6. Evaluation:  “you need to evaluate the effects of setting boundaries, but that does not mean you should avoid setting boundaries….” (p. 96)  To have boundaries is to live in a purposeful life  We need to evaluate the pain caused by setting boundaries and empathize with it… hurt, not harm  As iron sharpens iron, we need confrontation and truth from others to grow 7. Proactivity:  For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction  Reaction phases are necessary but not sufficient for the establishment of boundaries. Victim or Survivor?  The reactive stance brings diminishing returns. LIMITS.  Proactive people show what they love, want, and stand for; reactive people show what they hate, don’t like, 8. Envy:  Envy is probably the most basic emotion we have  Adam and Eve envied and wanted to be like God  Envy defines “good” as “what I do not possess” and hates the good it has  Envy focuses outside our boundaries onot tohers  Envy is a self-perpetuating cycle A. Ex. Single woman withdraws from social life, envying the marriages and families of others B. A person who has chosen the “righteous life” but envies those who are “having all the fun”  Envy should be a sign that you are lacking something 9. Activity:  Human beings are responders and initiators  In the Parable of the Talents, the successful servants initiated and pushed  Passivity can become an ally of evil by not pushing against it. Example: bird hatching from an egg  God wants us to be assertive and active  The sin God rebukes is failing to try…NOT trying and failing (how we learn)

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Boundaries can only be created through being active. A doer vs. a delegator...