Comm 450 Notes PDF

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notes from the entirety of the semester...

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Arguers as Lovers Unilateral

Bilateral

Power hungry

Seeking truth

False Promises, mind game (Seduction)

Love

Molestation: inherent power, choice is different, repetition (parent to child etc.)

Places participants on equal playing ground

Manifestation: yell, name call, lie, flattery, take past statements out of context, twist, appeal to authority, ultimatum, beguile

Manifestation: Listen, don’t withhold information that is relevant, vulnerability, accountability, humility, collaboration, discussion, argumentation, share responsibility, inviting

Class Stories: - Dance at mountain, Vacuum rug before 9 - Farmer A (old, leased land to B), B (bitter, got 10,000), C (made, 100,000 - Questions for authority without questioning authority - Sister fell asleep, lights are turned off & thinks she’s blind: Satan gets you in the dark and turn the lights on to see the trap you’re in (mother who left family) - Dietrich rape of Norman boy, Alford Plea - Paulette Welch: child dies from hitting head, Alford plea (TRIdentityP)

Being out of the box does not mean you need to agree with everyone, it is more how you treat and think of those that disagree with you. Expressed struggle Interdependent - impacts Perceived scarce resources - limited quantity of what you both want Incompatible goals - opposing goals are a fact of life Interference - comes from the person in the conflict Family is the basic laboratory to study conflict.

1.29 PVC Pipe Activity Collaboration, Communication Storming Forming Performing

TRIP Bubbles (The bigger the bubble to bigger the worry or concern) Often it is the process, the way we go about is more of a concern then the goal. Latent goals- underlying, not vocalized Conflict is like sex and the discussion of it especially in the LDS culture Needs to be approached with vulnerability Integrated Distributed - senate Designated - boss to employee Power is given Everyone has power Exists (POWER CURRENCIES) Resource control: oil, sibling who has what you want Interpersonal Linkages: who I know, recommendations - networking Communication Skills: ability to influence people because of your persuasive abilities Expertise: you know what you’re talking about, comes from knowledge, experience (Legitimate Power) CEO, oil baron, respect because of position but only if position is respectedcan overlap with resource and exist together but not required *** Be able to identify & apply *** - Movie: train & scream Balancing Power Give power to low power - US government - voting, checks & balances (delegation of power) Delegation- still high maintain position but maintain supervision Empowerment - promotion, branch manager no more helicoptering, giving knowledge/skills Practicing Restraint - in power decide to restrain Focus on Interdependence - understand how someone affects you, understand relationship Calm Persistence - Rosa Parks, MLK, asking for raise Actively Engaged -

Image Restoration 1. ACT (the perceived behavior)

2. ACTOR (the person, group, company or corporation involved) 3. AUDIENCE (those who assign the act to the actor) If the audience perceives that the actor has done an inappropriate act there is a need for image restoration. When we have the need to “save face” in our society we often utilize Benoit's strategies when we feel we need to change others perceptions about ourselves. 1. Denial a. Simple Denial: deny the act or the actor’s involvement b. Shift the Blame: apply to guilt of the act to someone else, when you shift the blame you are stating you are not involved in any way. 2. Evading Responsibility (involved but no responsible) a. Provocation: scapegoating, act was provoked by the acts of another b. Defeasibility: Lack of info about current situation c. Accident: outward source prevented me from doing the right thing d. Good Intention: thought the act would help though it made the situation worse 3. Reducing the Offensiveness of Event a. Bolstering: relate positive activities of the actor, all the good things you do b. Minimization: The act is not as bad as it appears c. Differentiation: Distinguish the negative act from less desirable acts (making comparison) d. Transcendence: Place the act in a different context so it can be seen in a more positive light. *can’t do c without d and vice versa* e. Attack Accuser: deface the character of the accuser f. Compensation: offer payment to the victim (bribes). No attempt to solve the problem only to pay the person to accept the negative action of the actor. 4. Corrective Action a. Make every attempt to restore the situation/item to the original state 5. Mortification a. You admit your guilt and ask for forgiveness *Silence is denial

Midterm Review: *What you talk about in class and what he writes down - pay attention Leadership & Self-Deception: 7 Steps to Self Betrayal Continued justification, view becomes distorted, box becomes reality, invite others into the box Collusion: justifying each other’s action ***4 Horseman & Apocalypse: lovemaps, turning towards, asking questions, (criticism > defensiveness > stonewalling > contempt: don’t even see them as equals) Competitive - win or lose, want to be right Compromise - can create bitterness / win-lose, win-lose / give up what you want

Collaboration- the win-win method / create the solution together Avoidance - anything to not have conflict / get used by competitor Accomodation - care more about the relationship than reaching your goal Self-awareness - acknowledge what you are Preferred Style / Natural Style

2.26.19 Make an educated guess on everything

Cannot have constructive conflict with / Impossible “I”s: Inanimate- stonewall Illogical- cannot reason in that moment Immoral- willing to lie, cheat

Resource Control: Interpersonal Linkage: “Linkedin” all about your network Communication Skills: ability to influence, charisma Expertise: knowledge is power Legitimate Power: power from position TRIP- Goals of a conflict Topical: Relational: Identity: Process:

Criticism: state problem in relationship as the other’s person flaw Defensiveness: warding off perceived attack Stonewalling: trying to process, lack of facial cues, Contempt: no longer see the other person as an equal

Conflict: expressed struggle Interdependent parties Perceived scarce resources Incompatible goals

Want (ideal) Tripwire (does not mean you need to take it, but at least consider it) BATNA (best alternative) Yesable Propositions: A proposal to which they are responding with the single word “yes” is a commitment - Will you

Inappropriate Question: Who’s Winning? (like asking who’s winning in a marriage - if it is a good negotiation all involved should be winning)

Forgiveness & Reconciliation (318) Living Way: live with it, but can move on from it (know it’s there, accept,but are able to progress) Second Wound: can be worse than the initial hurt Surrogate Forgiveness: delayed apology, let them work it out person to person Cheap Grace: if someone has offended you be honest rather than “ok if forgive you” (siblings) Compelled Forgiveness/Apology Expedited: didn’t mean, do what you feel forced to do Delayed Reconciliation (crossing the chasm that’s between you - you determine to bridge the gap, it is our choice) - Need to use all 4 to truly rebuild Truth: need to continue to be truthful, show it, mean it, prove it, eliminate reasons for doubt Forbearance: can expect perfection Empathy: Commitment Prevention is a paradoxical task - “Go up the river” and see what is causing all the injury - See people as people not objects or simply collateral damage Extra Credit (Due 11th) Heart of Texas Victoria Ruvelo President Kimball - quoting Confucius...