Emotional Life - Romantic Love Essay PDF

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Explain, using examples, how romantic love changes according to wider social and economic context....

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5SOCL006W.1 Emotional Life Emily Falconer

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5SOCL006W.1 Emotional Life Emily Falconer

Explain, using examples, how romantic love changes according to wider social and economic context. "There's different kinds of love, darling. Some people you love no matter what, and others you love when the situation is right. To me, the best kind of love is no matter what kind." (Baker, 1997, np). The understanding of love is complex according to sociologists due to their various understanding of society. Interpretations of love are understood through communication and language as well as the current state of society. It is what drives theorists in believing what type of love best fits within the current social norms. This is because it is undeniable that influences of love manage to unconsciously shroud its way into almost all aspects of society. Love influences family, work and relationships and even politics. People want to live in a society that supports and cares for one another, without the influence of love this would cease to exist. The ideology of romantic love has altered from traditional ideas with a focus on cultural values and social norms to concepts of short-term liquid love that gives an expression of freedom to choose partners they see fit. This essay will explore these conceptions of romantic love and assess how there is not one definitive description of what love is. It will further evaluate how the perception has altered to over time however not necessarily for the worst. Most individuals consider change as a negative influence however this text will highlight how during each time frame it has not only disrupted but benefitted the functions of society during this time. Before reaching modernity, the concept of romantic love and marriage was not as fluid and expressive as it is today. During early capitalist society , civilisation was in a place of instability, and individuals were scares in not having the financial needs to function sustainably throughout society. This fear thus infected and influenced how romantic love was perceived and acted upon. Functionalist such as Parsons believed that as society fluctuated, the shape and function of the family adjusts to fit within society. Parson’s ideology that ‘[…] parents have a duty to subordinate their own immediate interests to the welfare if the family and the long-term well-being of its next generation’ also translate to the idea of individuals purely entering a marriage for the benefit of economic stability (Robertson and Turner, 1991, p130). As a result, the ideology of romantic love becomes distant as marriage becomes a contract for a 2

5SOCL006W.1 Emotional Life Emily Falconer means of survival and protection of land. The concept of marriage is also used as a facade behind which social expectations from particular backgrounds are coerced onto individuals. Long-standing traditions such as arranged marriages are standardised in Asian culture, who regards the fulfillment of the arrangement as a matter of great family honour. Prospective partners are introduced to each other, and the families have the opportunity to explore each other’s background, and educational abilities, and look to see if the couple will be compatible with each other. In this process, the prospective partners are allowed to spend some time with each other, but not alone, and usually within family gatherings. Forced marriages, on the other hand, is defined where one or both individuals do not consent to the marriage, and an element of duress, physical, emotional or both, is involved. Any matrimony without the full consent and agreement of both parties is invalid according to both the Islamic Shari’ah and the British law (Home Office, 2005). This altered perspective on romantic love and marriage is also apparent in African cultures too. Abasili explored African culture and its martial social expectations: In Africa, marriage and procreation are intertwined and inseparable. It is almost always presumed that readiness for marriage is readiness for procreation; to get married is an opportunity to contribute freely, through procreation, to the survival of the lineage and society at large. (2011, p555573).

With the main objective of marriage in African cultures being reproduction, complex problems and shame rise upon the women for any failure in this regard. Both types of cultures play heavily influence in creating a perception of romantic love that acts as a storefront for the cultural forces that families lay upon their children to ensure that social stability, family legacy, and religious beliefs are constantly instilled onto future generations. The rules and regulations of a standardised romantic relationship were still challenged through homosexuality. During a time where homosexuality was only just being welcomed into society, same-sex relationships were still taboo however highly active in the 1960s. Hoffman explored the bathhouse culture during the same era where men would seek out anonymous sexual 3

5SOCL006W.1 Emotional Life Emily Falconer experiences with multiple encounters, some experiencing over 50 in one evening (James and Prout, 1990, p78). Ironically, a lot of the men involved came from heterosexual family homes, which disproves the loyalty that traditional romantic love was never apparent in the first place. This may be due to the fact that in divorce under the catholic church is deemed shameful, and those already married would rather suffer in silence than be cast away from their community. Therefore, these actions further highlight the extent individuals would go to to find satisfaction in their true version of romantic love; not the one socially conditioned to them.

Concerning women and romantic love, feminist critiques argue that women have been forced into heterosexuality through economic, cultural and social necessity. This is due to lack of women's right in all aspects of society; from freedom to vote to social pressures of taking a male's surname before the age of 25, females were left without a choice but to follow these guidelines. Likewise, the pressures of women having to fall into social divisions of labour and become the role of a provider within the household as well as delivering unconditional amounts of emotional labour (Gilles, 2006, p76). Feminist critiques will argue that romantic love, that is in terms of marriage, is purely beneficial for the man, especially in the context of sexual satisfaction. Marriage manuals in the 1920s highlighted the importance, expectation, and desire of male dominance in heterosexual intercourse being vital in the recipe of a happy marriage (Van de Velde, 1928, cited in Segal, 1994, p86). Other marriage self-help manuals further favoured the patriarchy by 'blaming sexual apathy and coldness in women on their resistance to being sexually aroused' (Cancian, 1987, p89). The difficulty and shame that would consume a woman's life if she was to remain single and 'alone' changed the perspective of the ideology of romantic love to a self-governing, inescapable life path that had to be taken. The consequences of a woman’s social and financial value in society would soon become deteriorated if they were not to follow this ideology of romantic love. Luckily for women, this version of romantic love has changed dramatically, into one that allows complete expression and freedom to fall in love with any gender, any time, and with a total allowance of the number of people one wishes to be with. However, with romance and technology both advancing at scorching rates, theorist begin to question its complications.

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5SOCL006W.1 Emotional Life Emily Falconer

Illouz commented saying that sociologists always consider the concepts of capitalism, social class, and governances when finding an explanation of how society works, ignoring the concept of romantic love. The effects of modernisation and globalisation have also played an influence on the ideology of romantic love. Even though people still follow the traditional idea of marriage, there is more of a contemporary, altered perspective. The concept of consumer guidance is comparing the idea of romantic love to the modern-day consumer habits. This can be seen in online dating sites. People are filled with unlimited choices when it comes to finding a compatible mate, disregarding any restrictions of race, ethnicity, social class or sexuality. However, this concept of 'plenty of other fish in the sea' creates an overwhelming sense of confusion when trying to find the perfect mate. Much like boxing day sales advertisement, the want to explore to all stores but also be able to look for that one desirable product can be exhausting. However, France adds that people have the option, much like emails, to be able to press delete on candidates that don’t take their fancy knowing that they’ve done so safely with the benefit of no awkward conversation (France, L, 2002, cited in Bauman, 2003). The search for romantic love also applies pressure on individuals to market themselves as appealing products out of fear of becoming left on the shelf. Sadden with too much choice and desperation, the concept of love becomes less about companionship and compatibility and more about taking a person at face value and wishing for the best. On the other hand, one of the critiques of Illouz's rationalisation of love is that it targets a narrow niche of society's demographics. This ideology of romantic love only accommodates for those that have the freedom to choose without the influence or control of others around them. Certain cultures and religions have expectations of women when reaching a particular age or maturity. These expectations may be to live independently, have a stable career or be in a successful marriage that it within an approved race, ethnicity and sexuality. Social pressures like this cannot possibly fall in line with Illouz rationalisation of love. This is because it is not only the free will of one’s self that can decide whom they would like to partner with; there is also the weight of a family, culture, and reputation that holds just as much, if not more, influence. However, despite this, it is important to recognise that as much as this

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5SOCL006W.1 Emotional Life Emily Falconer white, westernised concept of the rationalisation of love is ever-changing, so are the social steps of traditional cultures.

As society reaches the modernity of social and economic life, the concept of love that is often seen as long term gets questioned. Bauman discovered the concept of liquid love where love is perceived as fluid in terms of longevity, value, and number of partners had (2003, p130). The ability to be able to love one person and have the freedom to decide its continuation, identifying them as ‘partners’ rather than spouses, is what Bauman believed as healthy cohabitation. This idea of short-term liquid love contradicts what traditionalists see as romance by its change in perception of sex from procreation to a sport, going from one extreme to another (Bauman, 2003, p131). Examples of this can be seen in television entertainment where women date and sleep with multiple genders simultaneously with complete confidence in themselves and the needs they want met. “She’s gotta have it” features a black, sexpositive, polyamorous, pansexual woman living in the 21st century as an aspiring artist as the main focus of the show (Netflix, 2017). However, it features the main character expressing herself physically and emotionally with three lovers without any sign of shyness about her relationship as well as feeling no sense of shame. This representation of modern love highlights the freedom and plastic sexuality that individuals can experience without the pressure of falling into the patterns of traditional social norms of romantic love. Giddens explores this concept further; The creation of plastic sexuality, severed from its age-old integration with reproduction, kinship, and the generations, was the precondition of the sexual revolution of the past several decades […] The breaking of these connections was thus a phenomenon with truly radical implications. (1993, p27). Following the ideology of short-term romantic love, the concept of one-night stands has been suggested by society as being something of a spontaneous mistake that typically has been influenced by intoxication of some kind. It seems ridiculous to be able to share affection and intimacy with a person they met half an hour ago in a bar whose name is barely rememberable. Additionally, the notion of a one-night stand contradicts almost all features of traditional romantic love in terms of time taken to 6

5SOCL006W.1 Emotional Life Emily Falconer know a person deeply and personal restrictions of not letting one’s sexual desires be known straight away. However, these societal pressures of loving an individual first before initiating sex, very much featured in almost all religions, doesn’t necessarily mean that this is the sole way to behave when meeting someone. Sex is a form of romantic love. One-night stands can be represented as an act of bravery and generosity exchanged between two (or more) individuals (Barbatsalou, 2016, np). This further example of Bauman’s ideology of liquid love highlights the form of love in the form of a moment of happiness, with the further ability to be able to bind and release these bonds of intimacy freely. It brings to question as to why traditionalists believe that the idea of romantic love has to be an equal transaction of the same affectionate emotion. In the world of online dating, young women have noticed the dying attention that was being received by older men and, being in a capitalist contemporary society where university loans and housing is at an all-time high, the idea of dating for money came to play. Playing the role of a sugar baby to an older, typically wealthier man may seem like an extremely unorthodox way of expressing romantic love however there is still a sense of transaction that takes place. One individual is still experiencing an aspect of romantic love, intimacy, and a source of affection. The only difference is that the other is not; instead, they receive income. Does this mean their relationship is not genuine? The same concept can also be applied to the requirements of sex workers. Both individuals achieve their goal within their encounter and, just like traditional relationships, have the pleasure of continuing their relationship until a foreseeable future. The difference between these unorthodox relationships and what society would view as a normal one is the element of risk between individuals and their partners. Becks' analysis of risk society explores how the increase of advancing industrial capitalism and rising cost of health care has resulted in the negotiation by individuals in every phase of their daily lives. (1992, cited in Warr and Pyett, 1999, p291). Nonetheless, this element of risk cannot be removed in nuclear romantic relationships with the rise of domestic violence in the UK reaching 63% over the last seven years (Marsh, 2019, np). Due to these statistics, it is unsurprising that some women would rather stay single than potentially be in a romantic relationship with the risk of violence occurring.

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5SOCL006W.1 Emotional Life Emily Falconer To conclude, when one considers the ideology of long and short-term love as well as the implications it has on women, it is clear that the power of an altered perspective of romantic love has the ability to change the course of an individual’s life. However, there is still heavy discussion and envy about being able to acquire and maintain a stable relationship within the 21st century. It almost seems that you must be a genius that has mastered the ultimate recipe of romantic love. There is such divergence in love within the last 100 years, it brings curiosity as to whether the ideology will change again. Will the precious concept of family love loose value? Could the idea of romantic love become so marketed that it becomes part of career applications? Either way, it is undoubtedly clear that love has the power to adapt and evolve to best fit changing social norms. Word Count: 2545

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5SOCL006W.1 Emotional Life Emily Falconer

Bibliography Abasili, Alexander I. (2011). Seeing Tamar through the prism of an African woman: A contextual reading of Genesis 38. Old Testament Essays, 24(3), 555-573. Retrieved November 13, 2019, from http://www.scielo.org.za/scielo.php? script=sci_arttext&pid=S1010-99192011000300001&lng=en&tlng=en.

Barbatsalou, T. (2016). Can a one night stand be romantic? Pillowfights. Available from https://pillowfights.co.uk/truth-fairy/can-a-one-night-stand-be-romantic/ [Accessed 16 November 2019] Bauman, Z. (2003). Liquid love. Cambridge: Polity Press

Cancian, F. (1987). Love in america: gender and self-development. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press Giddens, A. (1992). The transformation of intimacy. Stanford, Calif: Stanford University Press. Gillies, V. (2006) ‘Working class mothers and school life: exploring the role of emotional capital’ Gender and Education 18:3, pp. 281-293. Home Office. (2002). Secure Borders, Safe Haven. Integration with diversity in modern Britain. London: HMSO James, A. and Prout, A. (1990). Constructing and reconstructing childhood. Basingstoke: Falmer

Lee, Spike. “She's Gotta Have It.” Netflix, 2017, www.netflix.com/watch/80129567? trackId=13752289&tctx=0%2C0%2C890ab3785d0b7d766d0fa5683d95fb0f3de8fa8c %3A7afd7b98348a8eb1642bf43618e4980e7019edf3%2C%2C.

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5SOCL006W.1 Emotional Life Emily Falconer Marsh, S. (2019). Domestic abuse offences in London rise 63% in seven years. The Guardian. Available from https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/feb/27/domestic-violence-london-rise [Accessed 16 November 2019] Robertson, R. and Turner, B. (eds.) (1991). Talcott Parsons: theorist of modernity, 3rd ed. London: SAGE Segal, L. (1994). Straight sex: the politics of pleasure. London: Virago Taylor, L. (2012). Thinking Allowed: why love hurts. [podcast] Thinking Allowed. Available at: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/b01hkz2g [Accessed 9 Nov. 2019]. Warr, D. and Pyett, P. (1999). Difficult relations: sex work, love and intimacy. Sociology of Health & Illness, 21 (3), 290-309.

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