Essay #3. Being a perfectionist. PDF

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Being a perfectionist. Structured essay. Diana Schoolman. NYIT. FCWR 111...

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FCWR 111- M04 Prof. Diana Schoolman 11/12/2019 Essay #3

Being a Perfectionist

I need to come clean about a problem that has had an immense impact on my health, my professional life and my personal relationships. In an exaggerated way of saying, I was diagnosed with the ''perfectionism'' syndrome. In other words, I am a perfectionist. The never-ending feeling that I need to push my limits, that I’m not good enough, that my ‘’to do list’’ is too short, has weighed me down long enough. I’ve found myself striving to find inner peace and I’ve realized that the delinquent behind it is my crippling perfectionism. From my point of view, being a perfectionist means three things: habitually feeling anxious and exhausted, always criticizing myself for not being good enough and having trouble in relationships. I live with a continuous anxiety about what needs to be accomplished. Do you know that moment when you have two agendas and you upgraded your Google Calendar in order to have a more organized life? Well, my phone reminds me every 30 minutes about the actions I need to take. I can’t stay without doing something. I need to put ‘’condiments’’ in abundance into my life. My biggest problem is that my expectations

are too high, a fact that provokes me to work harder and harder in order to obtain all I want. I will emphasize a situation that happens to me all the time. When we have a group project and if someone in my team doesn’t do their part as I consider it done to its best ability, even if it’s a banality, I will simply redo it. It costs me time, energy and even money, but at least I feel that we exploited all the possible resources to do not just good, but great work. A perfect example is the marketing project I did with my team last week. Our presentation was perfect except for the last part because the person who was in charge of it did not do his job properly. Instead of arguing with him, I stayed up until three a.m. in order to finish it. Our presentation went perfectly, the professor was impressed. I was extremely tired but at least we got an A. I can’t remember the last time I felt good enough or gave myself a pat on the back for a job well done, even when others were singing my praises. I find myself comparing to others as in, ‘’They’re accomplishing more than me’’ and keep telling myself ‘’you could do it better’’. I am the one who criticizes, blames, pushes, judges and punishes myself the most. I hate being late or postponing an appointment. I despise skipping a gym training or having a ‘’cheat day’’ with too much unhealthy food. I feel guilty if I watch moo many TV series instead of reading a book. I realize that we are human and all the events described above are human leisures, but still, I feel guilty. Recently, I had my accounting midterm, but due to the fact that I have classes from Monday to Thursday and I work on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I didn’t have the physical time to study more. A

fact which provided me a B; a big and awful B. I was shocked, nervous and disappointed, but can you guess what I did after that? I applied for an extra accounting class and I certainly will study for the final exam. I have lived my entire life by one rule: ‘’I want all or nothing, I cannot live in between; half measures are for those who don't know what they want from life!’’ I apply this principle in my private life too. This is why I can’t find the perfect person for me. Actually, it is very difficult to be in a romantic relationship with a perfectionist, our demands are extremely high and our mania for controlling everything makes our partners often feel inadequate and pressured. There is an example from a book by Gyujeong Ham I recently read, called ‘’A Person who Controls Emotions and a Person who is Controlled by Emotions.’’ It states if the water is too clean, fish can’t live in that water. If we chase perfection and don’t accept any bad things or any mistakes, no one can open their minds and souls to us. Since we are trying something impossible, we feel tired and other people go further away from us. Life needs flexibility but the limits we make lock ourselves in. People feel attracted to people who have defects as well. Even if I know all the theories, I can just let things happen without my involvement; that is probably my personality. Being a perfectionist has a great advantage because unlike an ordinary person who is contented with a mediocre performance, we can arrive at a level of success that is almost perfect. We are innovators, we love the challenge; we are competing with not only other people, but we are also in a constant battle with the person we were yesterday. We are characterized by an optimistic mind-set, but in the meantime, we

have the phobia of mistake-making. We, the perfectionist, don’t know how to let go and move on with our lives; we will stay focused on a problem until we fix everything. All I have related sounds so stressful and pressured, but this is the harsh reality; this is how I feel most of my time. I am aware of the fact that nothing is perfect and no one really notices the things in a detailed way- unless the audience is also a perfectionist- but still, I am trying to be a superhero of my own life. To sum things up, perfectionism is not just a state of mind, it is a way of life. It is an addiction, a euphoric high. We can even call it a drug abuse that harms people in a way that can provoke losses in terms of time, money, energy, health, and more than that, family and one’s own happiness....