Parenting Education Program Paper PDF

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This is the end of the year essay/project, which is to be on an aspect of parenting. It is formatted correctly and incorporates a lot of information from the course. For Prof. Keith Osai...

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RUNNING HEAD: Patience and Natural Consequences

Patience and Natural Consequences Megan Jones, Janet Oviatt, Ellie Jensen, Sophia Pettit, Katrina Gibson CHF 3550 Osai

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Introduction When it comes to parenting there are many different styles and resources available for parents to learn how to parent. Five different families were interviewed as a way to gain information about their parenting styles and what their needs as parents are. Subsequently, we were able to find themes that could help families with these different parenting needs and summarized them. Using the themes we researched different parenting practices to see what could be most beneficial and helpful to families. We used the research to come up with outlines to four different parenting workshops that we thought parents would find helpful and interesting.

Families Interviewed Katrina interviewed a family consisting of a hetersexual married couple with four daughters ages 2-10. Both parents grew up in Utah and bore each of their children there also. They moved to Southern California a year ago for the husband’s work. This family’s strength comes from religious conviction and family support. They believe family time is important. The challenges that this family face are balancing time, schedules, and having enough time for every child. Another challenge for the couple is sacrificing “me-time” and “spouse-time”. The mother loves to use natural consequences rather than time-outs. Overall, the mother’s feelings of parenting are that it is very rewarding. She stated, “It is the hardest, but best job in the world”.

The family that Megan interviewed is a heterosexual married couple for over 16 years with six children, one girl and five boys. They live in Utah and she homeschools the kids during these covid times. They rely heavily on their religion and family. They prioritize God, kindness, work, good food and try to have fun. The Mom has learned how important it is to let her kids

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make mistakes and express their agency. They have noticed when the kids get older they need more time with their father and when they are younger they need their mother. They are trying to teach their kids how to “disagree appropriately” and to explain “why” to the kids more when it comes to discipline. They would like to see places or activities more accessible for larger families, such as restaurants and amusement parks.

Sophie interviewed a rather unique family, with the wife being a polyamerous bisexual female and the husband being a heterosexual male. The couple has been married for eight years, and they have one child: a seven year old girl. The wife is currently unemployed, and the husband works for the military. The wife explained that she had come from an abusive, toxic household, so her emphasis as a parent is to break the habits she witnessed and be as caring and empathetic as possible. She lacked this in her life, so she wants to ensure her child has these things. Because of this, they listen to their child’s needs and concerns when she is upset, happy, angry, etc. The biggest challenge they have as parents is watching their daughter get heartbroken while she learns to navigate the world. When it comes to discipline, they are firm believers in time outs and revoking toys.

The family that Ellie chose to interview is a wild bunch. They have four kids, ages 13, seven, five and 20-month-old. They are involved in a lot within their community like dance, soccer and piano. They typically have something to go to for one of their kids every night. There are many challenges that this mother faces in her everyday life as a parent. She finds it difficult to make one on one quality time for each child with their crazy schedule. It is also challenging figuring out how to parent each child because they all respond to things different. What works

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for one child doesn’t work for the other. With her first child she did everything she could to make her be perfectly obedient and would use time out as a consequence. She has become more relaxed in her parenting practices as time has gone on. She has turned to more of a natural consequence parenting style, however, she still has her kids take some quiet time when they aren’t cooperating very well. While talking with the mother, she mentioned a few times how you are never truly ready to have kids. No matter how much you prepare before becoming a parent, you will feel overwhelmed and inadequate, but it is so worth it!

The person Janet interviewed is the wife of a married couple in Las Vegas, Nevada. The couple have been married for about 21 years and they have 3 children together. They are parents to a boy that is 19 years old and 2 girls aged 18 and 15 years old. Both parents were born and raised inLas Vegas and have chosen to raise their family there as well. Religion plays a central role in their family and home life as members of the LDS church. Both parents rely heavily on their experiences with their own parents and siblings as the foundation which they use to raise their children. The biggest challenge that was identified in the interview was balancing time for themselves as a couple and then time as a family. Additionally, the mother identified that patience was a skill that was an integral part of how she parented and that it was a skill she had to learn and develop over time. She still works on this skill in her daily life as a mother. She noted that having a family was stressful but was worth the effort.

Summary of family-needs themes The family-needs themes that were present in these families were Positive Parenting, Patience and the use of Natural Consequences, Listening and Information, as well as Child Development.

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All of the families interviewed are heterosexual married couples with at least one child. The children in the families ranged from 20 months to thirteen years old. Each family was asked the same standard questions that were provided from the instructor.

Review of Literature A common theme that was observed in our families was listening. The five families all try to use positive parenting practices when dealing with their children. One of those is active listening when communicating with their children. One of the family themes in our summary included listening and the importance of how active listening can be a positive parenting practice. Active listening involves paraphrasing back to the child what you heard and listening with interest and appreciating without interrupting (Robertson, 2005; Brooks, 2012). To add to positive listening skills are the use of I-Messages. Parents should use I-messages to reflect back to the child what you heard them say after using active listening to understand their feelings. This helps with transmission of feelings within the family setting. Negative parenting practices involving listening would be avoidance of listening. Parents sometimes are not hearing the cues, or the topic is challenging to them. Parents may also not have the time or energy to expend at that particular time to actively listen. If this is the case parents should arrange a more appropriate time to address the issue or topic (Robertson, 2005). Parents can learn to be better listeners by setting aside things that interfere with listening which will help the relationships within the family system.

Our families also suggested that it could be helpful to understand what is going on with the child, developmentally. The study by Appel regarding developmental differences in children’s

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perception of maternal socialization behavior looked at how children see the mother and how that helps socialize them. Socialization in this study meant “early infant training as well as the induction of the child into the complex world of social relationships, and inevitably involves the exercise of authority by the mother” (Appel, 1977). They hypothesized that a mother’s care would be perceived as warmth and maternal efforts at socialization but that the need for the mother’s control would be evaluated differently based on their age and intellectual development. They used several stories and gave the children the option to choose if the mother was essentially good or not good. By this they were able to learn that before children reach concrete operations, they are not able to fully understand what a good mother is. By being in the preoperational level, their egocentric view kept them from seeing things outside their scope. This is good for parents to know and understand as before the child reaches the concrete operational stage, which is ages six to eleven, they are not able to see things from another perspective other than their own. By understanding the child's developmental limitations, the parent can have more positive outcomes in parenting. By not understanding this parents might be expecting things from their kids that they are not capable of doing.

Another article was found that teaches about a positive parenting strategy that uses natural and logical consequences. Natural consequences occur on their own, without the help of the parents. These consequences happen when the child makes a decision that isn’t the wisest, and then naturally suffers later because of it. For example, staying up late and then falling asleep in class the next day. That is a natural consequence that comes from staying up late.

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On the other hand, parents set the consequence for logical consequences. If the child draws on the wall, the parent has them clean the wall up. Jane Nelson came up with the “Three R’s” for logical consequences. 1. Have the consequence be related to the negative behavior. If the child throws a toy at you, you take the toy away. You do not send them to bed early. 2. Parents need to be respectful to the child and don’t put any shame or blame on them. If they spill their food, don’t get angry. Ask them what you should do and how to clean it up. 3. Be reasonable with yourself and the child. If a child doesn’t finish an assignment, instead of grounding them for a month, cut back on play time with friends so that the child will have time to finish homework. (Suna, 2019)

This article, “How to Be a More Patient Parent”, discusses why parents lose their ability to parent with patience and how to better develop this important parenting skill. Parents are simply human-beings, and by nature, human beings have flaws and triggers. Therefore, parents have triggers that make all their patience with their child go out the window. These include being hungry, being sleep deprived, or witnessing your child have a temper tantrum in public. In order to better utilize patience as a parent, there are four key steps to success: identify your triggers, observe how you respond to your child in both positive and negative situations, develop a plan to manage your triggers, and set aside time for self care (Rowden, 2019). While in a perfect world parents would be able to practice patience with their children all the time, it is important to understand that humans, by nature, are flawed. This is the downfall of parenting with patience: it is very difficult to be consistent. Triggers come and go unexpectedly, making

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it hard to always be a patient parent. However, the utilization of patience allows for a child to feel more responsible and learn at a higher rate in comparison to those who are not parented with patience.

Many of our parents interviewed made the choice to use positive parenting practices when dealing with their children. A research survey conducted in the year 2000 and repeated in 2014; noted that many parents were aware of the physical and intellectual changes as children grew but parents knew little or understood little about child development in the areas of emotional development and discipline Some parents had believed that it was possible to spoil a child and that a child was capable of acting a certain way as a means of revenge against an adult. The research also indicated that many parents had believed that spanking was capable of teaching children self-control when used as a regular form of punishment. The researchers also found that many parents did not understand that attachment is developed from birth when many had rated it as not beginning until after 2 months. The research believes that when parents have a strong understanding of child development then parents have a better understanding of how positive parenting and the environment that the child is raised in can significantly affect the outcomes of the children. A positive outcome of this research was that the research verifies that the outcome of children’s development is an interaction of nature and nurture. The negative of this research is that it identifies that many parents are not informed about the cognitive and social/emotional development of children. This is a difficult process as it relies on a multitude of studies and child development theories that many parents do not learn prior to child-rearing. Parents need to be able to learn not just physical development but also the cognitive and emotional growth to fully participate in positive parenting with their child.

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Conclusion As the textbook states, Parenting is a process (Brooks, 2012). Each parent needs to find what works for them and their family needs when applying Bronfenbrenner’s family systems theory. As families learn techniques that will give them confidence to build relationships and encourage love and empathy, families units will grow and be strengthened. Thus, increasing societal interactions as families go outside their microsystems and into the communities where they can influence humanity for the good. Themes that were explored and analyzed brought attention to the needs of families and our aim was to provide the following workshop outlines to portray information to the parents in an educational setting.

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Workshop Outlines PATIENCE IN PARENTING & NATURAL CONSEQUENCES Ideas/Topics/Main Points for Outline: - Why Patience is important - Ways to be more patient - Why parents lose patience - Natural consequences Patience As An Important Factor in Parenting Five Reasons Moms Lose Patience and Five Ways to Build It Five Reasons Why We Lose Our Patience - Fatigue - Displaced anger - Unrealistic expectations - Failure to plan - Distorted perspective Five ways to build our patience - Reenergize - Deal with your anger - Have realistic expectations - Plan, plan, plan - Keep a wide angle perspective VIDEO - Natural consequences - More meaningful for the child to see what happens when he makes a wrong choice than to choose a punishment that has absolutely nothing to do with the poor behavior. - Ignore attention seeking behavior - Prepare for attention seeking behavior and prevent it - Give choices - More likely to cooperate if the child feels they have a say - Use time out - Works if done correctly and consistently - Time away from the parent does wonders to keep parent in control Parenting with Patience Benefits of Modeling Patience

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Children model what they see Parenting with patience models - Respect - Empathy - Security - Good self-esteem Teaches your child to be intimate and present

Conscious Parenting - Be aware of your behaviors - Redirect them in a positive way - Emotional-coaching Be What You Want to See - Helps you be present in child’s life - Pay attention, active listening, make eye contact when communicating - Allows child to mitigate frustration - Makes them feel you are truly involved in their lives How to Be a More Patient Parent 4 Steps to Build Patience - Identify your triggers as a parent - When, where, with whom are you most likely to lose your patience - Examples include certain times of day, whether you are hungry or not, whether you are somewhere with a time restraint, etc. - Observe how you respond to your child’s behavior - Note physical changes when triggered - What thoughts do you have about child’s behavior - Example: “he never listens” - How do you respond when you think these things? - Giant puzzle game, trying to help determine tipping point - Develop a plan to manage your triggers - Pre-planning strategy - In the moment strategy - Follow-up - Don’t underestimate power of apologizing - Does not lessen your authority - Set Aside Time for Self-Care - Take care of yourself as much as you take care of everyone else - Take time to do things you enjoy - You cannot function and practice patience on an empty tank! Object lesson - treat in front of child

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Introduction: Listening is the gateway to understanding and communicating and, therefore, is absolutely critical for language learners of all skills (Abepiusc, 2020).

Purpose: Help family to realize the need to listen to one another to build family relationships

Listening activity - Role play or Pantomime

What is listening? ● Giving one’s attention to a sound. Making an effort to hear something: be alert and ready to hear something (Oxford Languages) . ● Listening with love involves trying to understand what a person is feeling, as well as what he is saying.

Listening Skills & Strategies Honing your listening skills ● Becoming a better informational listener ○ Separate what is and isn’t said (listening quiz) ○ Avoid the confirmation bias (listen to the full message) ○ Listen for substance more than style (don’t focus on what person is wearing) ● Becoming a better critical listener ○ Be a skeptic (ask questions) ○ Evaluate a speaker’s credibility (how do they know the information)

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○ Understand probability (cause/effect relationship) ● Becoming a better empathic listener. ○ Listen non judgmentally ○ Acknowledge feelings ○ Communicate support nonverbally (nod a head, or hand of shoulder)

Parenting Styles - Consultant Parent Finding you own way to parent Listening/Talking - the information that we get and the environment. ● Listening to cues of newborns-2yo, Recognizing emotions (superpower to be able to hear your own child’s cry from another room) ● Listening to empathizing ● Listening in the different stages of development. Family Language Family Information ● How you receive information for your family ● What are you listening to?

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Piaget has a cognitive development theory. According to his theory children will explore and manipulate the world around them as they are actively forming their view and knowledge of the world. Piaget's stages of development go from birth to eleven plus years. They inform us of some of the things that they are able and capable of doing as well as some of the limitations of the age. Each stage adds on to the one before as the child learns and grows, adapting to the world around them. Birth -2 years Sensorimotor ● In this stage children are sensorimotor egocentric. Meaning that they are unable to perceive objects or people except in relation to the self. This is not saying that they are being selfish. When they see something they assume you have seen the same thing and will understand what they are going through and why. ● They also develop object permanence toward the end of this stage. This is where they realize that objects exist even when you can not see them. 2-6 Years Preoperational ● This is when the development of the Symbolic function happens. This is wh...