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Rhyme Thyme Prime- Pg 2

THE BOOK OF PUT YOU ON A HOOK, GET YOU OUT OF YOUR NOOK, CRAZY POEMS CREATED WITH GOBBLEDYGOOK (V4): 

RHYME THYME PRIME 

      BRAGI PRESS      

Rhyme Thyme Prime- Pg 3 This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.  Text copyright © 2020 by Bragi Press Cover art copyright © 2020 by Gled-works Cover typography copyright © 2020 by Thomas Evans All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Bragi Press, an imprint of Bragi enterprises. Originally published in paperback at DHS IB literary services in Midland, 2020  Bragi press is a registered trademark and the colophon is a trademark of Bragi enterprises.  Educators and librarians, for a variety of educational resources, please call Harvard’s dean of resources.  The library of Congress has cataloged the paperback edition of this work as follows, Raifton, Ethan,  Rhyme Thyme Prime, 4th ed Sequel to: The Bible Summary: Three Harvard professors gather up their greatest artistic works on the philosophy and nature behind the fleeting but paramount purpose of mortality. ISBN-048-0392948-ofjeop-9372-95830-3647582- (gc.) (Philosophy- fantasy, self-help) (Fic.) - dB 22  Printed to the United States of America  50 49 48 47 45 43 40  Rhyme Thyme Prime, as an affiliate of Bragi press, reserves all rights of publishing and development. Misuse of consent of information relay in commercial use is forbidden by federal law.  

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Rhyme Thyme Prime- Pg 4 Authors note: “The sound of a rhyme is like a wind chime in springtime, it’s like eating a lime at lunchtime with a sprig of thyme. To rhyme is no crime, it is sublime.” -Someone Wise  a. TABLE OF CONTENTS: 1 . The loading speed PG 5 2. This poem rhyme makes not logic sense PG 5 3. The shack in Iraq PG 6 4. The robot, his yacht, his mascot, the knot boycott and the crackpot astronaut PG 6 5. Joan Malone and the Cyclone Zone PG 7 6. The maiden fair, her hair, and the bear PG 8 7. The tail of the mice PG 9 8. H’ar’hooligan O’neil and the plot of F’ar’gool’ius the flyin’, S’car’gung’o the Scamperin’, and J’ar’jam’bo the jumpin’ PG 10 9. The rad lad dad cad chad plaid olympiad PG 11 10. The Tale of Barry, Mary, and the unsanitary dysentery berries of Gary Mary, the Berry Adversary PG 12 11. Ragnar the Red PG 13 12. Jade and the Kool-aid crusade PG 14 13. The Rabbi, the Jedi, Hawkeye, and the Evil Gemini PG 15 14. The rainbow doubt pout trout of the blackout bomb out PG 16 15. The haywire squire PG 18 16. Old man Brinklehoff and the lingering cough PG 19 17. The rowzy crazy lazy history class PG 19 18. Zook the Cook with the Scrapbook of Dimitruk and Goglost’en’wook, but not the Rook PG 20 19. The business suit of the grapefruit and the man with a parachute in a spacesuit PG 21 20. The Horse who could use the force, Darth Lorse, and the planet of Zo-ziggle-zorse PG 22 21. The realm of the doggo froggo pupperino versus the backhoe cattos game show PG 25 22. The cadet who was in debt PG 26 23. Jane and Wayne versus The Insane Terrain PG 27 24. The Great Conrait Debate PG 29 25. The cake pop stop PG 30 26. The most valiant host PG 31 27. The very grand band PG 32 28. The fashion kangaroo PG 34 29. Sharrow PG 35 30. The plight of the downright white playwrite wight kite PG 36 31. Owen is goin' PG 40 32. Owen returns with vengeance PG 41 33. Ethan is Eatin' PG 42 34. The Raj of the Garage and his Massage PG 43 35. Jonathan's guitar in the car PG 44 36. Key Club PG 45 37. Diabolical Detroit PG 45 38. The clan of the kittens PG 46 39. Matematicas PG 46 40. Nieve PG 47 41. The ultimate poem PG 47

Rhyme Thyme Prime- Pg 5 42. The saving bray PG 48 43. Josh Kline, the crystalline strip mine and the ursine PG 52 44. Wise wasps in wales wallowing over widows with wigs PG 56 45. Clyde and the Unidentified High Tide and the Worldwide Divide over Potassium Bromide PG 59 46. The cowboy robot snake PG 61 47. Malik The Freak PG 62 48. The Centaur, Thor, The Dinosaur, and the civil war over the sycamore of San Salvador PG 63 49. Duplex Creme 65 50. Mr. McFopsticle and the tropical popsicle PG 66 51. Mr. Bauer and the power flower tower PG 66 52. Go Green’s grumpy giants 67 

This book has been dedicated to our fallen friend, the hallowed savior of HH Dow high school, Dr. Po’ool’e May he R.I.P (rest in phones) Credit to our friend and almighty deity of poetry itself, Bragi.   S1. The loading speed By Lawrence and Stanton Millward  Our pages are increasing, This fine progress never ceasing. Beginning Google Docs’ loading speed, its un-decreasing. Though expanding may be pleasing, Will these words hold any meaning When constant growth in pages turns the slowing into freezing? So search, we must, for easing The computer’s work’s appeasing,  S2. This poem rhyme make not logic sense…,?>.. >?! By Raifton Bartling and Ethan Carn  The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. In a house, I do dwell Though snails, they live in a shell. Alexander graham Bell A telephone, he made very well Please proceed to the lifeboats, all personnel Lines can you be parallel, YOU INFIDEL! The invaders, we will repel And drive them from the citadel When travelling to Bermuda, stay in our hotel! (I need some money, my bank account to swell.)

Rhyme Thyme Prime- Pg 6 Don’t worry officer, Ms. Patty’s house I didn’t eggshell. Woops! She accidentally ate some pastels! Why not instead you eat a pie shell? I’ll just go down this stairwell And look for a gazelle. What’s that? A bombshell! If we die, we are all going to… heaven!  What about my blood cells? What about my bone cells? And especially the clamshell! We will all be hit with the force of a dumbell. We all agree, even Danielle. I feel like i just want to yell Because my toes are beginning to swell. Lucky for me, i have my own air cell And can hide under a paracell. To you I can say farewell For I can already hear an alarm bell Even if you have good muscle cells And I am pretty cool personnel  S3. The shack in Iraq By Raifton Bartling  In Iraq, There was a shack, nailed together with many a tack. The man who lived their, Mack, had a lot of plaque. He needed another tack, As the roof was beginning to collapse in the back. He also needed dental care for his plaque. So he packed a snack, And travelled to the Sack of Iraq, A bazaar at the end of a dirt track. When Mack got to the Sack of Iraq, There were many sellers, selling many a knick knack. He tried, but could not find, either of these services, and had a panic attack. There was another man, named Zack. He also needed a tack and care for his plaque. Zack’s senses also began to crack. But there it was! A sale on tacks! Both almost had a heart attack! They raced for the vendor, only one tack! Both reached it at the same time, and grabbed it from atop the haystack! They each held it, unwilling to put it back, then, each others faces, they began to smack! Soon the police of the shack in Iraq, came to make them both put it back! They agreed to join forces, the cops to attack! Mack ripped off his shirt to reveal a six pack. But the cops made a counterattack, And chased them both towards the dentistry shack!

Rhyme Thyme Prime- Pg 7 Both Mack and Zack needed help for their plaque, And Mack thought, “I’ll go in here. Zack won’t follow me to the dentistry shack!” “Mack surely won’t follow me here!” Thought the unsuspecting Zack. Each raced for the door, sure the other would lead a diversionary attack. Each jumped into the same chair, getting stuck, each shouting, “get out, you maniac!” So they were stuck in the dentistry shack in the sack of Iraq, trying to get a tack and some help for plaque, yet they were carted away to the prison, no wisecrack. So the moral of the story: always check, behind your back, When you go to get tacks in the Sack of Iraq.   S4. The robot, his yacht, his mascot, the knot boycott, and the crackpot astronaut By Raifton Bartling  There was a robot He had a yacht which he himself wrought Yet of the knot boycott he had not thought He sent to shore his mascot But the knot boycott waited for him to be out of earshot To bring out their secret tea pot The robots mascot, he had not thought That they might recruit an astronaut The knot boycott bribed the astronaut with their teapot Then they had a meeting where they ate apricots Finally, the robots mascot found them in the parking lot They captured him, but unknown to them, he had hired lancelot! So Lancelot and the Robot rode into battle on their yacht, Which doubled as an airship, who would've thought! They landed in the midst of the Knot boycott, And off jumped the Robot and Lancelot! But the astronaut knocked Lancelot with his teapot And for a moment, that stopped the onslaught, Of the robot, his mascot, their yacht, and lancelot. Away flew the astronaut, And after him went the robot! The mascot had a thought, but it was a long-shot. He tried to reach the parking lot, but he could not! The knot boycott had them tied in a knot! Would our heroes become nothing but rot? Meanwhile, with the Robot and the astronaut, They had flown from the onslaught, The astronaut prepared his gun, which shot megawatts. The robot fought, But the astronaut fired his gun, and the Robot became too hot! The robot fell from the sky, shouting “great scott!” On the ground, they saw a shooting star, or so they thought! The robot crashed to the ground On top of the knot boycott So the astronaut, his own doom brought!

Rhyme Thyme Prime- Pg 8 For when he returned to the parking lot, he could not find the knot boycott! All he found where the now-dented robot, His mascot, Sir lancelot, And the crashed yacht. So they took the astronaut, His teapot, And his gun that shot megawatts, And the knot boycott, their teapot, and the astronaut where defeated! Moral: Watch out, if you ever see a boycott, involving a knot, a robot, a man named Scott, or an extreme surge of astronaut megawatts.   S5. Joan Malone and the Cyclone Zone By Scott Gilbert   Joan had a throne, but her subjects were all stone. Her parents as a child her did disown. She had shown signs of brittle bone. But now she wished to come into her own. And because her subjects she did bemoan, She decided to dethrone and a journey no longer postpone. As she traveled alone, she met a crone who spoke Tanoan. “I can’t understand,” Joan did moan. “Oh, you speak English? Well, I’m also an anglophone,” said the crone. Joan, mind blown, proposed she not go alone. She explained, “I need to find a bloodstone.” The crone had a loan of her own that could be paid by precious stone, So she said, “OK, but where are we goin’?” Joan said, “I don’t know, maybe Sierra Leone?” The crone said, “My goodness, but that’s the Cyclone Zone! Whether anyone has come out, it’s ly unknown!” Joan admitted, “It’s got a dark undertone, but we’re goin’.” So they trekked on, in shoes of silicone. Eventually, they got very weary of bone. And finally they reached Sierra Leone. Then Joan Malone pulled out her iPhone. And took a selfie with the old crone in front of the central cyclone, which had grown. They also saw many precious stones in the stone field wet and blown. Quickly Joan and the crone over the field had flown. Trying to grab the stones before approached the cyclone. But they were too slow and got overblown by the Cyclone Zone. However they were suddenly blown to the zone of Joan’s throne. Sadly when she landed, the crone broke a bone, She was old. But she had managed to retain every stone. So she healed up and went home and repaid her loan. And Joan Malone had managed to find a bloodstone. She crafted the stone into a trombone.

Rhyme Thyme Prime- Pg 9 And when she played it, her subjects returned to flesh and bone. But Joan Malone never would forget her trip to the Cyclone Zone. For she had that picture on her iPhone.  Moral: If you ever need subjects of flesh and bone, not stone: find an anglophone and go to the Cyclone Zone to make a bloodstone trombone.   S6. The maiden fair, her hair, and the bear By Raifton Bartling  There was a maiden fair, Who had pretty good hair. And there was a bear, Who did not care, About her hair. She would go around, herself to compare, To all others everywhere. “My hair is fairer than yours!” she would swear. Though she was pretty, ‘round her all would despair. But the bear did not care ‘bout the fair maidens hair. And thought her a child in need of daycare. So when she came to him there, She was not aware, So she showed him her hair. He wished she would go elsewhere. Yet she stayed, of the bear’s growing temper, unaware. He gave a great roar, and didn’t give her time to give one final prayer! I’d say his justice was fair. So he sat back down, in a swivel chair, But there was a man, who stood over their, Who thought the maiden was fair, (though he hadn’t heard of her annoyance, or didn’t care) He grabbed an axe, to slay the bear, And he brought it down, without care! And killed the bear, and out jumped the maiden fair! And then she told him all about her hair. The man was soon filled with hot air, He screamed, “stop talking! To listen to you talk is worse than to hug a prickly pear!” But on she talked, unaware, That the man was once again raising his axe into the air. He brought it down, quicker than a European hare, And knocked her out, thoroughfare. So the world sighed in relief, with great care. Now that the girl No longer spoke of her fair hair Moral: Never speak so strongly of your own fair hair, or else your head will be filled with hot air.

Rhyme Thyme Prime- Pg 10  S7. The tail of the mice By Raifton Bartling and Ethan Carn  There was once a mouse in civilization He owned the lands of the entire nation Yet despite his domination, He was unaware of a dangerous mutation! The evil mouse, who would destroy all creation! And drag us all to tarnation! He would not let us keep our dalmatians Or attend the mouse’s graduation What an abomination! He forced them to work on his plantation And farm bread for the whole darn nation I guess you could say it was a communist affirmation One day, while the good mouse was at his workstation, He discovered the secret to carbonation He used this knowledge to create a dangerous automation That would end the rule of the evil mouse’s refusal of arbitration. He went then to the police station And began his publication, Of the tale of the mouse with a bad reputation, Which between the evil and good mouse, caused quite an argumentation. The battle was not a simulation, And the evil mouse attempted assimilation But the good mouse formed his own corporation And invited all his mouse friends to help him at his station. There was the smart mouse, good at knowledge ascertation, And the smart-shrewd mouse, who had been on vacation. Quiet mouse, who had great agitation And many others who had aggravation. And finally, the evil mouse did not have his domination. As our heroes prepared him for his final exportation, The evil mouses own army began their domination! The good mouse corporation faced dissipation! The struggle was long, and there was much lamentation. Finally, there was peace. The mice lay, all dead, all slain, the world ready for the reformation. Yet the good mouse lived, and he came from the pile of annihilation. He had survived! And there was no abomination! Then he died of asphyxiation.  Moral: The mouse civilization will fall into abomination because of some vile annihilation cause by accidental agitation.   S8. H’ar’hooligan O’neil and the plot of F’ar’gool’ius the flyin’, S’car’gung’o the Scamperin’, and J’ar’jam’bo the jumpin’

Rhyme Thyme Prime- Pg 11 By Raifton Bartling, characters by Joshua Doty  F’ar’gool’ius the Flying, Was sort of terrifying. He also made a jello that was unsatisfying. He is not the hero of this story, just clarifying. He had a brother, S’car’gung’o the Scamperin’, who was to him complying. They did bad stuff, I’m not denying. H’ar’hooligan O’neil was the only one who was trying, To stop F’ar’gool’ius the flying. They forced O’neil to eat the jello, how horrifying! Yet he was not complying, F’ar’gool’ius felt his group needed diversifying, So he called up J’ar’jam’bo the Jumpin, and he was soon replying, “I would like to beat O’neil, I need some glorifying!” And soon he joined with F’ar’gool’ius the flying. Yet O’neil escaped, upon his super-move relying. And their bonds nullifying! He ran away, and him they were identifying. Yet they could not find him, even after retrying. Yet O’neil was not notifying, To F’ar’gool’ius the flying. O’neil needed resupplying, So off to Kansas he went a’flying. Soon he came back, himself fortifying. The trio then came, O’neil identifying. The final battle would be electrifying! They came towards him, high-flying, And said: “I no longer care about you, goodbye.” Underwhelming, yes? Too heckin’ bad.  Moral: never make a pot of horrifying jello, for the high-flying, electrifying battle will have an underwhelming result.   S9. The Rad Lad Dad Cad Chad Plaid Olympiad By Ethan Carn  Nad was a dad. He had a child (accidentally, at least the girl was glad) And he was friends with several other lads. Whilst in school, all he did was CAD, So he could hide the fact he was already a dad. He got so good, he visited the CAD olympiad Which was in the capital of Chad. He decided to wear all plaid So he could make people mad, And be supported by his Dad.

Rhyme Thyme Prime- Pg 12 While in the competition, he decided he needed a comrade, But the judges said it could not be dad. So he went and searched for his grandad, For he was totally rad, And was the rad grandad of CAD! And his rad grandad of Cad wore plaid, also to make others mad, But to compete his triad, He would surely need another comrade. So he called his great-grandad Shad, And came, without the approval of the great-great-grandad Brad. They were clad in plaid among their rad mad great grandads, named Brad and Shad But the other CAD dads said that plaid was a fad! O, they got real mad! And they rebelled and screamed, and said “It’s not so bad!” So the plaid fad dads ripped of their shoulder pads of the brand new plaid, Now their shoulders were as thin as lily pads! So they unclad their shoulder pads, And were able to conceal their anger a tad, So they could still compete in the Chad rad dad CAD olympiad. without fighting with the so-called "Plaid is a fad" triad. So they grabbed their thinkpads, And put the mouse on it’s mouse pad, Looking out on Lake Chad, While doing their totally rad CAD. Moral: If you want to be a cool dad, go to chad, wear some plaid, and go to the cad olympiad.   S10. The Tale of Barry, Mary, and the unsanitary dysentery berries of Gary Mary, the Berry Adversary  By Raifton Bartling, Ethan Carn  There was once a lad named Barry One day, whilst searching for berries, He discovered a golden fairy She said: “Come with me to the magic prairie” So away the went, feeling incredibly merry They ate raspberries, They ate blueberries, Huckleberries, Cranberries, Blackberries, Gooseberries, And sipped bloody mary. They consumed many a cherry They ate until they destroyed their cardiopulmonary However there was an adversary His name was Gary Mary It was he who stole their feast of berries

Rhyme Thyme Prime- Pg 13 And infected them with Dysentery Making the berries extremely unsanitary So the fairy called upon Barry And promoted him to transportation secretary Of their great prairie To fight the berry adversary, who hated barry and the fairy They prepared for their final confrontation with the Berry Adversary They began the battle in the month of February They ran ...