SFL 200 Midterm Review PDF

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Midterm Review Sheet – SFL 200 Topics [For each of these topics, you should understand the material as covered in lecture and found in PowerPoint slides as well as in readings when specifically noted.] First Day of Class - The role of the Proclamation o Captures the multi-level view of doctrines and principles associated with the family o Individual level – individual truths - All human beings are created in the image of a personal God - Each is a spirit child of Heavenly Parents - Gender is part of eternal identity - Temple ordinances make it possible for individuals to return to God o Couple level (marriage) – couple truths - Marriage between man and woman is essential to God’s eternal plan - Powers of procreation are reserved for marriage alone - Multiply and replenish the earth continues to be a commandment - Love and care for each other o Parenting level – parenting truths - Children are an heritage of the Lord i. A sacred duty ii. Entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony - Reach children in love AND righteousness - Provide for physical AND spiritual needs - Teach to love AND serve one another - Teach to obey the law o Family level – family truths - Family happiness most likely when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ - Nine foundation stones of family success i. Faith ii. Prayer iii. Repentance iv. Forgiveness v. Respect vi. Love vii. Compassion viii. Work ix. Wholesome recreational activities o Societal level – societal truths - Family is fundamental unit of society - Disintegration of the family will bring calamities on communities and nations - Everyone should support societal measures to strengthen the family - Quote from Brigham Young about “Mormonism” “Gathering Truth” – “Mormonism” so called, embraces every principle pertaining to life and salvation, for time and eternity. No matter who hat it… All that is good, lovely, and praiseworthy belongs to this Church and Kingdom. “Mormonism” includes all truth. There is no truth but what belongs to the Gospel… It is the business of the Elders of the Church … to gather up all the truths in the world pertaining to life an salvation, to the Gospel we preach, … to the sciences, and to

philosophy, wherever it may be found in every nation, kindred, tongue, and people and bring it to Zion.” – President Brigham Young Doctrine, Principles, and Practices - Different ways of knowing o Doctrine - A gospel doctrine is a truth – truth of salvation revealed by a loving Heavenly Father. Gospel doctrines are eternal, do not change, and pertain to the eternal progression and exaltation of Heavenly Father’s sons and daughters. Doctrines such as the nature of the Godhead, the plan of happiness, and the Atonement of Jesus Christ are foundational, fundamental, and comprehensive. The core doctrines of the gospel of Jesus Christ are relatively few in number o Principles - A gospel principle is a doctrinally based guideline for the righteous exercise of moral agency. Principles are subsets or components of broader gospel truths. Principles provide direction. Correct principles always are based upon and arise from doctrines, do not change, and answer the question of “what?” Many principles can grow out of and be associated with a single doctrine… A principle is not a behavior or specific action. Rather, principles provide basic guidelines for behavior and action. o Applications/Practices - Are the actual behaviors, action steps, practices, or procedures by which gospel doctrines and principles are enacted in our lives. Whereas doctrines and principles do not change, application appropriately can vary according to needs and circumstances. Applications answer the question of “how.” - Doctrines, principles, and practices - “Dealing with Uncertainty”, Elder Hafen o “If we are not willing to grapple with the frustration that comes from facing bravely the uncertainties we encounter, we may never develop the kind of spiritual maturity that is necessary for our ultimate preparations. Heber C. Kimball once said that the Church had yet to pass through some very close places and that those who were living on borrowed light would not be able to stand when those days came. Thus, we need to develop the capacity to form judgments of our own about the value of ideas, opportunities, or people who may come into our lives. We won’t always have the security of knowing whether a certain idea is “Church approved,” because new ideas just don’t always come along with little tags attached to them saying whether the Church has given them the stamp of approval. Whether in the form of music, books, friends, or opportunities to serve, there is much that is lovely, of good report and praiseworthy, that is not the subject of detailed discussion in Church manuals or courses of instruction. Those who will not risk exposure to experiences that are not obviously related to some Church word or program will, I believe, live less abundant and meaningful lives than the Lord intends.” o Level 1: “optimists” focus solely on the ideal and ignore reality. They seek to constantly appear optimistic and often become perfectionistic; ignore ambiguity o Level 2: “pessimists” focus solely on reality; this group often becomes sceptical of all things; great danger in ruining faith and relationships; thrive off ambiguity o Level 3: “improvers” view life with both eyes wide open and HEARTS wide open; acknowledge ambiguity in order to make real improvements and change - (review reading – “”Faith is not Blind”) https://learningsuite.byu.edu/plugins/Upload/fileDownload.php?fileId=8962c450-eTKe-vLmG-IkNxH05337c0adb4 page 82

The Plan of Salvation and the Eternal Family - Abrahamic covenant - Earthly and eternal parallels o Earthly Blessings: - A promised land - A great posterity - The Gospel of Jesus Christ and the Priesthood for him and his posterity o Eternal Parallels: - Celestial Kingdom - Eternal marriage and increase - Exaltation and Eternal Life o Responsibilities - Obey God’s commandments - Help all of God’s children receive the full blessings of the gospel The Plan of Salvation and the Eternal Family - The warm, happy marriage - Main findings from the statistics about benefits of marriage (don’t memorize stats but rather have a general understanding of the benefits) o One can be happy and less depressed as parents as long as one is partnered or married. No cohabiting because partners are more likely to end up being single parents o Institution of marriage itself provides a wealth generation bonus o Married couples save and invest more for the future, act as small insurance pool against life uncertainties such as illness and job loss o Men become more economically productive after marriage o Married men 18-46, college graduates are least likely to divorce 13% o Married women 18-46 college graduates are least likely to divorce 17% o Look at power point for these questions The plan of salvation and the eternal family part 2 The Eternal Family, the Nature of God, and our Divine Nature and Destiny - Threats to Perceptions of Divine Worth 1. False notion of the origin of man 2. False notion of Who God is 3. Confusing worldly worth for divine worth 4. Comparisons 5. Mistaking worthiness for worth Emerging Adulthood – Becoming the Right Person - Average age of marriage in the United States o 1950s - 20 years (females) - 22 years (males) o 2016 - 27 years (females) - 29 years (males) - Arnett’s study regarding the top criteria for adulthood

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Now-or-never mentality vs. playing with a purpose o Now or never approach to life: “you’re only young once” - Travel/ adventure - Social events - Alcohol/tobacco/drug use - Relationships (multiple sexual experiences) - Carefree lifestyle - Sports/action - Academic/career - Independence/personal expression o Play with a purpose - An activity that includes fun/adventure/excitement - An activity that includes other people - An activity that challenges your current thinking - An activity that requires effort/action/work - An activity that makes you think about other people

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Transitional character – o one who in a single generation changes the entire course of a lineage. The individuals who find a way to metabolize the poison and refuse to pass it on to their children. Break the mold. They refute the observation that abused children become abusive parents, that “the sins of the fathers are visited upon the heads of the children to the third and fourth generations.” Their contribution to humanity is to filter the destructiveness out of their own lineage so that the generations downstream will have a supportive foundation upon which to build productive lives o How to become a transitional character - Set your mind to it - Distance yourself emotionally from those that would prevent your change - Get an education - Marry a little later to allow time to make the changes

- Read good books about the problem - Join organizations that can help - Strengthen testimony of and live the gospel of Jesus Christ -

Luke 2:52 “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.” Playing with a purpose + preparing for one’s ministry = BECOMING THE RIGHT PERSON

Dating and Courtship - Pitfalls of marriage and dating (including, but not limited to, dating versus hanging out) o Pessimism about marriage  High aspirations, low expectations  Culture of divorce preparation o Getting ahead before you wed  Focus on career and financial success before marriage o Hanging out and hooking up  Dating disappears  Non-committed sexual experimentation o Acceptance of cohabitation  Trial marriage to reduce divorce  Truth: Cohabitation increases risk of divorce - LDS pitfalls o Growing pessimism  Concerned about providing financially  Afraid of making the wrong choice  Having a little too much fun being single o Soul-mate mentality  Soulmates are fiction and illusion… it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price  Unrealistic expectations  Dating paralysis  Dating rush o Choosing hanging out over dating  Not understanding the reasons for dating. Avoiding dating because one thinks that the only reason to date is to marry o Marrying too young? Too late? o Marrying for the wrong reasons - Heavenly confirmation about who to marry o No priesthood officer is to counsel a person whom to marry. o 3 ways the lord will answer when we seek confirmation 1. Peace, comfort, assurance that confirm your decision is correct 2. Unsettled feelings, stupor of thought, indication the choice is wrong 3. No response (at least not yet). Move forward the best you can, always sensitive to further promptings. Preparation for a Temple Marriage - Engagement o Long courtship, short engagement o pick a date and schedule the temple right away

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o Tell your bishops right away and meet frequently Temple preparations o Enroll in a marriage/temple prep class o Get a good LDS marriage planning book Wedding preparations o Keep yourself physically healthy o Set a clear physical boundaries on intimacy and stick to them Covenants o Sealing ordinance  The temple sealing has greater meaning as life unfolds. It will help you draw ever closer together an find greater joy and fulfilment in mortality – Richard G. Scott  There is nothing that has come or will come into your family as important as the sealing blessings – Henry B. Eyring o Individual covenants and blessings – each will individually and separately make promises, commitments, and covenants with you Father and will individually receive promises of blessings conditioned on your individual worthiness. o Joint covenants and blessings – two of you jointly will make promises, commitments, and covenants with your Father and will make covenants to receive each other. Jointly will receive promises of blessings conditioned upon your joint faithfulness. o Joining in celestial marriage – this element qualifies you to live together as husband and wife under the laws of the land. It is here that you are united forever, becoming one flesh before the Lord and forming a new family unit that if you are faithful and obedient will last forever. Elder Kofford’s advice (“Marriage in the Lord’s Way” – review the reading) https://learningsuite.byu.edu/plugins/Upload/fileDownload.php?fileId=8962c450-eTKe-vLmG-IkNxH05337c0adb4 page 134

Foundational Processes for an Enduring Healthy Marriage - LDS newlywed problems o Unrealistic expectations of marriage or spouse o Communication o Money management/finances o Decision making/problem solving o Sex - 3 stages of marriage (Jeff Larson) o Stage 1: Romantic Love Stage  “ecstasy” – Greek word meaning “deranged”  Primarily sexual, passionate, irrational  Dopamine – Mother Nature’s way of attracting men and women to each other long enough for a seed to a more stable relationship to be planted and begin to grow  Communication  Lack of major crises  Tend to only show good side  Full of optimism  Great fun  Well done mother nature o Stage 2: Disillusionment and Distraction  Romantic love inevitably slips away, the honeymoon always ends.  Challenges arise

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 Learning to live together takes physical and emotional toll  Reality replaces fantasy  Marriage fulfils you but also disappoints you  Personality traits and behaviors not seen during courtship start to appear  “Best-side” forward replaced by basic side  Start wanting to change our partner and maybe even feelings of regret  Start to experience stressful events that further tax the relationship  Life “infringes” on the time devoted to relationship  Sex life hurt by stress, fatigue, diminishing romantic love, etc  GOOD NEWS!! MOST couples make it past this stage o Stage 3: Dissolution or Adjustment with Resignation or Contentment  Question now = “What should we do?”  We can give up – “Dissolving the relationship” (divorce, separation)  We can keep on trying to survive in an unsatisfying marriage – “Adjusting with Resignation” - Little love - Couples tend to grow apart and lead parallel lives - Stay together for external reasons (children, money, guilt)  We can decide to be more content – “Adjusting with contentment” - Develop new kinds of love Cornerstone vs. capstone marriage

Top 10 myths about marriage o Myth #1: Th ESP  Myth: if my spouse loves me, he should instinctively know what I want and need to be happy  Reality: if my spouse really loves me, she will openly and respectfully tell me what she needs and not expect me to read her mind o Myth #2: The “I’m-Good-Enough-Just-As-I-Am”  Myth: No matter how I behave, my spouse should love me simply because he is my spouse  Reality: Your spouse will love you to the extent that you are loveable, and that’s based largely on your behavior o Myth #3: The Finger-Pointing-Will-Change-Him  Myth: I can change my spouse by pointing out his inadequacies, errors, and other flaws

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 Reality: I can positively influence my spouse’s behavior If I know how, and that can be learned. But nagging does not work. o Myth #4: The Love-in-a-Vacuum  Myth: either my spouse loves me or does not love me; nothing I do will affect the way she feels about me  Reality: if I behave more lovingly, she will love me o Myth #5: The Let-It-All-Hang-Out  Myth: The more my spouse discloses positive and negative information to me, the closer I will feel to her and the greater our marital satisfaction will be  Reality: The expression of positive thoughts and feelings increases marital satisfaction the most. If you have something negative to disclose, watch how you do it so as not to offend o Myth #6: The My-Feelings-Have-to-Change-First  Myth: I must first feel better about my partner before I can change my behavior toward him  Reality: part of being married is learning that you sometimes have to do things for your partner that you would rather not do, simply to please your partner. As he becomes happier, he will likely reciprocate with pleasing behaviors too, and you, too will be happier (your feelings change). Plus, you will feel much better about yourself as a result of changing your behavior first without hesitating too long o Myth #7: The Romantic-Love-Is-The-Key  Myth: Maintaining romantic love is the key to marital happiness over the life span for most couples  Reality: It takes compassionate and altruistic love, too, to preserve your marriage o Myth #8: The It’s-A-50-50-Deal  Myth: Marriage should always be a 50-50 partnership  Reality: Your marriage will be stronger if you focus on pleasing your spouse and making sure you are doing all you reasonably can to contribute without keeping a tally o Myth #9: The Marriage-Is-The-Ultimate-Answer  Myth: Marriage can fulfil all of my needs  Reality: Marriage can fulfil many of my needs, and the others (appropriate needs) can be fulfilled by other appropriate people o Myth #10: The Keep-Quiet-and-Do-It-Alone  Myth: Couples should keep their problems to themselves and solve them alone  Reality: Keeping your problems quiet and going it alone often leads to failure. Get trusted others to help you (as a couple) Gottman’s research

John Gottman: positive-to-negative interactions - 5:1 – best predicts happy stable marriage - 0.8:1 – predicts divorce o For every destructive or hurtful thing I say to my partner, I have to say five positive things to balance the books. This shows that negative comments or disclosures are more emotionally powerful than positive comments or disclosures. So be very careful -

Gary Chapman’s 5 love languages

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Communication Dos and Don’ts o Important “Don’ts”  Don’t attempt to solve problems electronically  Don’t cause “conversational whiplash”  Don’t interrupt  Don’t look for the worst  No “gunny-sacking” or “kitchen sinking”

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 Don’t get personal – avoid “Taboo Topics”  No “yes-butting”  No “cross-complaining”  Don’t use sarcasm  Don’t let things go too far  Avoid the “four horsemen of negative conflict” o Important “Do’s”  Remember the 5 to 1 rule  Stop talking!! Give full attention (listening is a full body exercise)  Put the speaker at ease  Acknowledge and validate feelings  Show understanding by paraphrasing – not parroting  Make sure words, facial expressions, tone, and body language match and are honest.  Stay on task and on one topic  Be polite, kind, sensitive, and caring  Use “I” statements  Go to sleep angry (but sleep in the same bed)  Eliminate destructive patterns in your disagreements  Make and accept repair attempts  Self-disclose  Remember, the objective of a disagreement isn’t to win “Foundational processes for an enduring marriage” (review slides and textbook reading) 1. Continuing courtship through the years 2. Love and friendship 3. Positive interaction 4. Accepting influence 5. Respectfully handle differences and solve problems 6. Personal commitment to the marriage convenant Immature love vs mature love (according to Noller) o Three Aspects of Mature Love  Emotions (feelings – heart)  Cognitive (attitudes – mind)  Behavior (actions – strength) o Emotional Part of love  Immature - Possessiveness - Jealousy - Infatuation - Preoccupation - Anxiety  Mature - Lasting passion - Desire for companionship - Warm feeling of contentment o Belief Part of Love  Immature - “Love is blind” - Love is external to us - “Cupid’s Arrow” - Love is beyond our control

 Mature - Love is something you have to “decide” - Love Means: Commitment, trust, sharing, and sacrifice o Behavior Part of Love  Immature - Selfish - Lustful - Concern only for satisfying own needs - Clinging - Over-dependent - Demanding obedience from partner  Mature - Creates an environment of growth and development - Allows partner space for growth o although immature love is a reality in our world, mature love is possible and is sustained by beliefs that love involves acknowledging and accepting differences and weaknesses; that love involves an internal decision to love another person and a long-term commitment to maintain that love; and finally that love is controllable an...