Analysis Paper #2- marrying yourself PDF

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Summary

professor Rangel. essay about how women are pressured to be a certain way in order to look and be like a "woman," pressured to have kids, be married etc. how to love yourself....

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The person you really need to marry | Tracy McMillan | TEDxOlympicBlvdWomen

Week 8- Power point

“When you marry yourself, this huge thing happens – you become able to love in this whole new way. You become able to love other people right where they are, for who they are, the way same way you are already loving yourself” (Tracy McMillan, 2014). For many years now, become a popular notion for society to place social constructs upon individuals that they need a partner in order to have a life. As if society hasn’t placed enough stereotypes and judgements upon women, the standard belief that a woman SHOULD be with a man in order to encompass the idea of being a proper “lady” and that it is the only way to feel “love” in this world, still exists to this day and this century. As society is slowly evolving and so are people’s mindsets, more women are becoming independent and having a “wake up call” and that means, less dependance and a want to be with men. In the video clip from the TED talk titled, The person you really need to marry, Tracy McMillian is the speaker. Tracy McMillan is a television writer known to write for shows such as Mad Men and United State of Tara, as well as being known to be one of the best relationship “gurus” out there. Tracy has written some notable pieces about relationships that have caught the world’s attention, such as her book “Why You’re Not Married...Yet” and her viral blog that appeared in the Huffington Post in 2011. She is no stranger to Tv and media, as she also appeared on the NBC reality show “Ready For Love” as a dating coach. In the TED Talk, McMillan delves into the question: “Who is the one person you need to marry in order to have a successful relationship?” (Hint: yourself) and mentions parts of her own life and relationship experiences and how “marrying” herself has been the best decision she has ever made. When mentioning parts of her own life, Tracy describes how her lonely childhood experience that included absent parents and traveling to more than 100 foster homes, and then

growing into a lonely adulthood as well with three marriages and three divorces. After going through such trauma when she was young, Tracy took some of that trauma with her into her adulthood which only affected her and her love life even more. Thus, making her to want to venture out and find the answer to one question and one question only: why does she not feel satisfied and loved? After much alone time and self-actualization, McMillan realized the only way to get the love she wanted was to marry herself. She realized that during most of her life, she has spent it expecting others (especially men) to provide her what she wanted – love, safety, protection, loyalty, keeping promises, etc, in which she soon realized was a big mistake. She started to work on paying attention as to what her heart, mind, and body truly desired and when she did want a relation or interaction with a man, she said she focused on “not whether he liked me, but rather how I felt in his presence” (Tracy McMillan, 2014). Throughout the TED talk, Tracy often expresses beliefs and actions that oppose what society and many social constructs have taught us to not do so otherwise. Certain circumstances and conditionings in which society has mandated, have made us believe we should always think more about what others think of us than what we think of ourselves. The truth is, we cannot give what we do not have, nor can we receive it. How would we recognize it? We are all in relationships with ourselves, but we are not taught, rather conditioned, to think this way. The social construct that teaches us the opposite of what McMillan is saying is that we need a relationship with another individual to be happy and have a "home." Examples from social media that push this idea in society are how people posts and project their life on social media as well as TV & media having shows such as The Bachelor and Bachelorette. With social media and influencers having that as their main job, the lives of many people such as these influencers even celebrities are constantly being watched and put on

display. Celebrities and influencers' relationships especially are put under pressure and watch from society as they put their relationships information open to the public, in which people in society compare themselves to those relationships. People also romanticize celebrities' and influencers' relationships. Such as thinking they have to have a relationship like celebrities/influencers do because if they are happy then it will make them happy, or that certain things are needed to have happiness for themselves or even certain things are needed in order to call it a relationship. Media, however, is a powerful tool in implementing certain notions in society especially when it comes to relationships and romance. As mentioned in the Week 8 PowerPoint lecture, you have mentioned the power and ability of media influencing society and societal institutions and habits that have long been or continue to be implemented in us individuals. From “music, films, advertising, systematic racism, social constructs, symbols, and much more,” the influence of media has systematically socialized and moved our lives. Ranging from our beliefs, morals, values, and our lifestyles, media can twist reality and place fake expectations of reality upon us. However, media also helps to add creativity to our way of thinking, and it also allows us to explore our place in the world and become involved in society even if we are afraid of rejection. As society and social media continues to evolve, more and more people are starting to share their shared experiences and lives online that help advocate and brin g awareness about certain issues or aspects that may deem parts of society to call those people who are sharing parts of their lives, “crazy” or “unusual.” Living in a society and culture where just as technology changes at a significant pace, so does our ideologies, principles, values, rules of livelihood in which we live by, and most importantly, how we define “happiness.” And while media, tv, or society may tell you money or

certain materialistic and nonmaterialistic things may make you happy, your healthiest relationships will only be as healthy as the relationship you create and have with yourself.

Works Cited

Week 8 Powerpoint “The person you really need to marry.” Youtube, uploaded by TEDx Talks, 7th Nov. 2014, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3fIZuW9P_M...