Attraction and Love PDF

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Attraction “Proximate” ( immediate ) influences on attraction: Proximity (i.e., physical distance) Proximity is one of the most powerful predictors of attraction. We are most likely to develop affection for someone near to us, simply because we frequently cross paths and come into contact with that person. Three ways in which proximity may increase attraction:

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Increased chance of interaction. The more often we see people and interact with them, the more likely we are to develop a friendship.

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Anticipation of interaction – we prefer others who we expect to meet and interact with.

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Familiarity - mere exposure.

Physical Attractiveness We tend to be attracted to beauty, which may have both evolutionary and socially constructed roots.

Similarity In some ways, we are attracted to others who we perceive to be similar to us. We like others who are similar in terms of:

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Physical attractiveness. Note that this does not mean that we attracted to others who look like us. Rather, humans “assortatively mate” – this means that highly attractive individuals tend to mate with other highly attractive individuals, and that less attractive individuals tend to mate with other less attractive individuals. This correlation, of course, is a general pattern – which means that there are individual exceptions.

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Attitudes, values, and beliefs. Behaviours and activities.

Reciprocal Liking We tend to like people who like us. Just knowing that someone likes us is enough for us to feel attracted to that person.

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Love theories Triangular Theory of Love *Sternberg, 1986 proposes that love is composed of three elements: intimacy, passion and commitment. According to Sternberg, there are eight types of love, based on different combinations of these three elements:

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Liking (intimacy only) Infatuation (passion only) Empty Love (commitment only) Romantic Love (intimacy and passion) Companionate Love (intimacy and commitment) Fatuous Love (passion and commitment) Consummate (i.e., Ideal) Love (intimacy, passion, and commitment)

He argues that the balance of these elements is likely to change over the course of a relationship, and that even if one achieves consummate (ideal) love it may not last forever (i.e., maintaining consummate love is even more difficult than achieving it in the first instance). Note: there are seven types of love outlined above. Sternberg also discusses ‘non-love’, which is represented by a lack of intimacy, passion and commitment (i.e., there is no connection in this type of relationship). *Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93, 119-135

Equity Theory Proposes that the most satisfying, long-term love -relationships are those in which there is a relatively equal exchange of benefits (i.e., give and take) by both parties involved. If one partner believes he/she is putting in more effort than the other, it is likely to result in emotional distress, including anger. If a partner believes he/she tends to be on the receiving end more often than not, he/she may also experience emotional distress (in this case, guilt).

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Social Exchange Theory Proposes that an ‘economic’ approach to love is adopted – the central tenet is that relationships chosen and maintained are those that maximise rewards and minimise costs. Some scholars argue that evaluation of a relationship (i.e., whether it is regarded as positive or negative) depends on a combination of three factors.

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Cost-benefit analysis (i.e., calculating the value of a relationship in terms of potential rewards and costs; subtract the ‘costs’ from the ‘rewards’ to determine the relationship’s worth).

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Comparison level (i.e., expectations of a relationship based on past experience and social expectations).

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Comparison level of alternatives (i.e., evaluation of the possibilities of a better alternative).

Attachment Theory John Bowlby* proposes that the type of relationships a person has as an adult is influenced by the relationship this person had with his/her primary caregiver as a child. Three attachment styles (Mary Ainsworth*):

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Secure (characterised by low avoidance and low anxiety) Avoidant (characterised by high avoidance and low anxiety) Anxious/Ambivalent (characterised by low avoidance and high anxiety)

The theory suggests that infants with a secure attachment style (i.e., those who trust their mother/primary caregiver, do not avoid her/him or become anxious when she/he is not present) and will tend to form the most secure (i.e., satisfying and enduring) adult relationships. *For an account of the development of attachment theory see: Ainsworth, M. D., & Bowlby, J. (1991). An ethological approach to personality development. American Psychologist, 46, 333-341.

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Evolutionary Theory Evolutionary ideas can provide insight into attraction and mating relationships, and are compatible with other theories about the “proximate” (e.g., developmental and sociocultural) influences on mate preferences and selection. Across evolutionary history, individuals whose mate preferences led them to form relationships with mates with whom they successfully produced and reared offspring would have out-reproduced other individuals – and thereby pass on genes linked to these preferences. Consequently, many of the things that our minds seek out and desire in potential mates today may reflect preferences that evolution favored. For example, because it would have been important in ancestral conditions for men to be attracted to fertile women, we should expect evolution to have favored male preferences for women who exhibit cues to fertility, such as clear skin and an hourglass figure – which is linked not just to greater fertility, but also to fewer complications during childbirth and lower risk of cardiovascular disease. On the other hand, ancestral women would have benefited from being attracted physically strong males who were able and willing to provide and protect for them and their offspring, in particular during times of need such as pregnancy and nursing.

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