Cathy Henderson - Essay 3 PDF

Preview

Summary

Essay assignment from Professor Keitel for English Comp I through Columbia College. The essay covers the topic of self-acceptance as depicted in Amy Tan's "Fish Cheeks" and Naomi Shihab Nye’s "Museum."...

Description

Catherine Henderson Professor Keitel English Composition I April 10, 2019 Learning Lessons of Self-Acceptance Feelings of shame or embarrassment are part of a universal language that everyone has felt or known at some point in their lives. It is an experience that is often deeply rooted in the differences that exist between cultures, religions, and finances to name a few. Although embarrassment and shame are something familiar to anyone of any age, it is often commonly felt among adolescents. Teenagers strive to fit in with their peers, but for various reasons they often embarrassed by their differences. In Amy Tan’s “Fish Cheeks” and Naomi Shihab Nye’s “Museum,” both women address adolescent embarrassment and the lessons that helped to teach acceptance. Adolescents face several issues because they are at a point in their lives where they feel that it is hard to fit in. Embarrassment and shame come easy to a teenager because it “is the age of in-between when one is no longer a child but no yet an adult and can be criticized on both fronts for either presuming to act too old or for not acting old enough” (Pickhardt). Not knowing how to act is difficult enough without also having to deal with the stress of fitting in with peers. As such, adolescents often feel vulnerable, which increases feelings of shame or embarrassment in certain situations, particularly when it comes to self-identity.

In “Fish Cheeks,” Tan tells the story of a young Chinese-American girl who is getting ready to celebrate Christmas with her family. Unfortunately, her parents invited an American minister and his family to share in the celebrations and she happens to have a crush on the family’s son. She is absolutely convinced that everything is going to go wrong. When the two families come together at the dinner table, it certainly seems as though things go south. The holiday meal pushes her into a deep state of shame and despair. “My relatives licked the ends of their chopsticks and reached across the table, dipping them into the dozen or so plates of food. Robert and his family wanted patiently for platters to be passed” (Tan 74). Clearly, there is a clash of cultural differences displayed at the table. Even more clearly, the minister’s family is not used to such manners, likely deemed inappropriate according to American culture. As a show of appreciation for the food, burning is an acceptable behavior, but that it not the case in American culture. In fact, it is impolite to burp in front of guests. As expected by American culture, it is polite to excuse yourself when you burp so as not to seem impolite. Therefore, the entire holiday meal proved to be a situation that caused a significant amount of shame for the young Chinese-American girl. All she wanted was to fit in and perhaps capture the attention of her crush as a normal girl rather than a strange girl with seemingly odd Chinese traditions. At the end of the night, her mother let her know that she is aware of how embarrassed she was. She understands her daughter wants to fit in with all the American girls, which is why she gives her a miniskirt as an early gift. However, she reminds her not remain Chinese on the inside and be proud of her differences. “Your only shame is to have shame” (Tan 75). It was not until years later than she realized her mother had made all her favorite foods as a way of reminding her that she should be proud of who she is and her culture.

Had it not been for guilt and shame she felt, or the seemingly embarrassing way her family presented themselves at the meal, she may not have learned a lesson in acceptance. However, it was through the actions of her parents, and more specifically the words spoken by her mother, that helped her realize that she should love who she is and accept herself as a Chinese and American girl. It is often difficult for cultures to blend with an American way of life and still accept both cultural identities they now have. For instance, children of Chinese families born on American soil still experience the rich and influential heritage of their Chinese culture, but they are also surrounded by the modern differences of American society (Di). Unfortunately, that can make it hard to find a balance or a feeling of acceptance. Even more unfortunate is that it can lead to deep-seated feelings of embarrassment. In comparison to Tan’s essay, Nye also highlights feelings of embarrassment and how it is a normal part of teen life. As her story progresses, it also becomes clear that yet another young girl learns an important lesson when it comes to the gift of acceptance. In “Museum,” Nye and a friend of hers decide to go to a local museum. Not knowing where it is, they decide to track it down only to find themselves wandering around admiring artwork and the belongings of a family rather than a museum. The young ladies notice a few people staring at them oddly, but they brush it off and continue admiring the beautiful artwork, impressed by the beauty of it. It isn’t until one of the resident’s walks up and lets them know that they are in a family home and not the museum they thought. Feelings of embarrassment flood the girls and they flee from the home. It is important to realize that the girls absorbed the beauty of the home as they wandered through believing it to be a museum initially. “Right away, the spirit of the arched doorways, carved window frames, and elegant artwork overtook us” (Nye 79). It does not become apparent until the end of the story that a young resident in the house did not feel the same sense of

appreciation for her surroundings. Instead, she felt embarrassed by it. Thirty years after the incident, Nye describes a woman who approaches her and asks if she is the one who accidentally entered a home believing it to be a museum. Nye immediately feels embarrassed and admits that she is. The young woman tells her, “That was my home. I was a teenager sitting with my family talking in the living room. Before you came over, I never realized what a beautiful place I lived in. I never felt lucky before” (Nye 80). In that moment, two women learned an important lesson. The woman who lived their learned to appreciate her home rather than feel embarrassed by it, which is something made obvious. Not so obvious, however, is that Nye also learned that a situation that seemed embarrassing to her had taught such an important life lesson to someone else. She admitted that she had a burning sensation in her cheeks even thirty years later, but it turns out that her mistaken situation helped a teenage girl realize the importance of acceptance. Sometimes it is the lessons in life that we never quite expect that sneak up on us and teach us the lessons we never thought we’d learn. Perhaps we don’t pick up on those lessons right away, but at some point, we look back and realize how much those lessons really mean to us after all, as is the case in both “Fish Cheeks” and “Museum.” Acceptance is a gift that we often take for granted, particularly when it comes to selfacceptance. It is easier to feel embarrassment, shame, or guilt. It is not so easy to look inward and accept our differences. Instead, we focus too much on trying to blend in with the people around us, perhaps not realizing that they are also different. Each person is unique, and it is those unique differences that make us such a special part of humanity. Both Tan and Nye address aspects of humanity through feelings of humiliation and finally, a form of self-acceptance. We may not realize it in a moment of embarrassment, but it is worth more to accept who we are,

what we are, the mistakes we make in our lives and move forward knowing that it is those differences that make us such an important piece of a much bigger picture.

Works Cited Di, Julia. Chinese American Identity. One World Education, n.d. https://www.oneworldeducation.org/chinese-american-identity

Nye, Naomi Shihab. “Museum.” The Bedford Reader. Edited by X. J. Kennedy, et al. 13th ed. Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2017. Pp. 77-82. Pickhardt, Carl E. Why So Sensitive? Adolescence and Embarrassment. Psychology Today, Oct. 14, 2013. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/surviving-your-childsadolescence/201310/why-so-sensitive-adolescence-and-embarrassment

Tan, Amy. “Fish Cheeks.” The Bedford Reader. Edited by X. J. Kennedy, et al. 13th ed. Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2017. Pp. 74-76....