Chapter 9 Notes PDF

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Topic 9 Close relationships  A major predictor of happiness Determinants of attraction  Propinquity o At work on a micro level o The people you interact with most are likely to become your friends o Festinger et al’s (1950) study of housing for married MIT students  Friendships among the couples in apartment buildings  Attraction and propinquity rely on physical distance but also on functional distance  Functional distance – who you cross paths with the most  Mere exposure effects – familiarity, things we enjoy or relate to • Exposure increases liking, unless the person or thing is actively disliked o Online interaction  Socially adept extraverts may form more online friendships, especially among girls  Socially awkward introverts may compensate by socializing more online (esp. boys)  Face-to-face contact seems to be helpful for deepening relationships  Similarity – interests, background, attitudes, values of the other person o Attitudes, values, demographics all matter in this regard o Maybe attachment style too, especially for romantic partners  Reciprocal liking o Thinking one is liked by someone will tend to lead to liking o Can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies – if you believe someone likes you, you like them o Negative self-concept can lead to significant problems with relationships  Physical attractiveness o The Walster et al (1966) study of orientation week dance  Overriding determinant was physical attraction regardless of what else they liked o Halo effects – an impression created in one area to influence opinion in another area  Misattribution of arousal – mistake inferences about what is causing them to feel o Dutton and Aron (1974)  if you are on a high, scary bridge, you will be considerably aroused and may mistakenly think some of the arousal is the result of the attraction to the beautiful woman

o Misattribution of arousal can also modify shyness-related behaviours o Brodt and Zimbardo 1981  Shy women who were exposed to an unpleasant noise and led to believe this would produce unpleasant physiological effects (butterflies in the stomach, cold sweat, etc.) behaved just like non-shy women in interactions with a male confederate Forming close relationships  4 basic forms of love: passionate, companionate, compassionate, and attachment love o Companionate love: intimacy and affection o Passionate love: like companionate love, but with an obsession with the person, intense longing when the person is absent, and physiological arousal when the person is present  Why love? o Basis of forming relationships o Evolutionary explanations- men and women will adopt different strategies when looking  Sex differences • Female: resources and commitment • Male: fertility Attachment styles and intimate relationships  Attachment theory: infant attachment to caregivers leads to lifelong expectations about what close relationships will be like  Attachment styles o Secure – having trust • Tends to lead to satisfying relationships o Avoidant – suppression because intimate attempts rebuffed • Tends to lead to few relationships • Two types: fearful and dismissive o Anxious/ambivalent – concern that others will not reciprocate one’s desired for intimacy • Tends to lead to obsessiveness and conflict in relationships (which are hard to form) o Multiple attachment styles – different kinds of attachment to different people in our lives Maintaining close relationships  Social exchange theory- how you perceive a relationship depends on rewards o Reward/cost ratios – balance between rewards and costs o Comparison level – expectations of rewards and costs you deserve  Comparison level for alternatives – replace relationship with a better one

o Investment - things that have been put in that will be lost if one leaves  Equity theory o Fairness in relationship o Under benefitted and over benefitted partners both feel uncomfortable o Exchange versus communal relationships  Exchange relationships much more governed by equity than communal ones, though chronic inequity can still be a problem in communal relationships Commitment and positive illusions  We convince ourselves we have the best partner – regardless of facts  Commitment enhances the ability to resist attractive alternatives o Persuading oneself the alternative is not that attractive o Letting the other know that one is “taken”  Commitment and forgiveness – if we are in a committed relationship we will forgive easier  Idealization of the partner has its problems, especially when issues are fairly significant Ending close relationships  Reasons for breaking up - Growing apart, or discovering partner is less similar than one thought, or endearing dissimilarities become less endearing over time  Rewards low, costs high, appealing alternatives available  Boredom How relationships end 1. Withdrawal/avoidance (ghosting) – more common for friendships 2. Positive tone – prevent hard feelings 3. Manipulative strategies 4. Open confrontation – more common for romantic relationships The experience of breaking up  The dumper is typically less devasted than the dumpee  Availability of attractive alternatives to self and partner influences distress  Distress greater when relationship was satisfying...