Dating Rules 2019 Complete PDF

Title Dating Rules 2019 Complete
Author Oz Morris
Course Current Social Problems
Institution Brigham Young University
Pages 17
File Size 126.3 KB
File Type PDF
Total Downloads 33
Total Views 144

Summary

Dating Rules that you need to know if you want to get out of the game....


Description

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Dating Rules by Oz Morris

Stars shone brightly in the warm evening of May as the couple neared the end of their date. They were at the terrace at BYU-Idaho. After three months of dating in California, they both started their summer by attending the spring/summer semester at BYU-I. Tonight it was his birthday. They sat together and cuddled. She then pulled away and looked him in the eyes. She began to stumble over some words before she said, “I think that— I think that I’m falling in love with you.” Thrilled he replied simply with, “I think I love you too.” They then kissed and he dropped her off shortly before returning to his own apartment. What a great night! As he walked home with a skip in his step, he couldn’t wait to see what the next couple of days would bring. Was she the one? Were they going to get married? As he drifted off to sleep, he couldn’t help but ponder about their future together. Little did he know, there was no future with her. The next day she was cold as ice. The soft loving girl was gone and in her stead was an ice queen who despised him. What happened? What was all that “I think I love you” talk? Why the change? After some discussion, she finally blurted out, “I don’t know. I woke up this morning and I was like eh, I don’t feel it anymore.” Yeah that makes sense. The ol’ telling them you love them and then the next day changing your mind. While frustrating, after reflecting on their relationship history, he is pretty sure that Katy Perry wrote the song, “Hot and Cold” about this girl. And just like that, their relationship was

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over. However, that was just the beginning, for me. From that painful experience I decided to do a side study while I was at school on girls and dating dynamics. By day, I was mild mannered student taking classes. By night I was a wannabe Casanova. I studied extensively in what works and was doesn’t work with women. Each date was a class I took to study each detail. In addition, I scoured the internet and read everything I could on the subject. I also watched Hitch 30 times. It was something that I became fascinated with. How do girls operate? Why are they attracted to some guys and not others? Why is it that they can talk badly about themselves and we reassure them whereas when guys do it, we lose all attractivity? There must be universal guidelines that help in navigating this challenging terrain. A set of rules if you will. Just like learning the notes and structure to play music, these rules will help structure your approach in the dating world. Some might argue that these are superficial and that it should all come naturally. We don’t like to put on a front that’s not us. However, if used correctly it’s not a front. Just a more confident attractive exterior. For some guys this kind of stuff comes naturally. Others not so much. For me it never did. Have you ever been the shoulder to cry on and told that, “You are such a great/nice guy!”, as she tells you about her boyfriend problems? We listen attentively and wonder “Why am I not even on the attraction register in her mind? Have you ever watched a guy just attract women naturally with little to no effort, and ask yourself, “What am I doing wrong? Am I missing something?” Why do some guys have it and other guys don’t? To answer this, it’s important to understand how women look at the world. Women generally learn faster than men. Girls typically potty-train more quickly than

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boys. Guys, well we can be a little slow. Sometimes we just need things spelled out. We need to know what we should or shouldn’t do in some situations. Or sometimes don’t even pick up on signals from girls. This is not to say that all girls naturally know what to do in all situations. The majority however, do. After exhaustive time and research, I’ve come up with 7 rules to abide by and follow. These rules are meant to be used as tools that help you navigate the exciting, though often treacherous terrain of the dating world. Rule Number One: Be Okay by Yourself. First be fine being by yourself. If things don't work out with this girl, that's okay because you are happy with just being with yourself. You don't HAVE to have a girl to be happy. Granted having a girlfriend can be exciting and fun, but she IS NOT THE CATCHALL. You have to come to the fact that you can be happy without a girl in your life. It helps but she is not the key at this time. By acknowledging this you then come across much better to girls you go out with. That awkward desperation for things to work out when you are on a date will then be gone. Stay true to the things that make you…you. It’s important that you take care of yourself and be healthy. The challenge is that often we don’t like ourselves and we look for external validation (woman) to not have to face this. This needs to be overcome. Spend some time doing things just on your own. Have a picnic, go to the movies, discuss politics. Spending time with you, will help you be comfortable NOT having a girl in your life. It will also help you with Rule number 2! Rule Number Two: Confidence Many men naturally have confidence, many more don’t. Why is confidence so important to woman? There is a biological mechanism inside women, triggering them to look

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for someone who can provide for them and possibly her offspring. She needs to know that if she clings to this person, she’ll be taken care of. If you are not rich or famous, then you need to show this capability in other ways such as ding ding ding! Confidence! To survive you need to have it. What if I don’t have confidence? That’s a topic for another paper. However, here are some brief notes about confidence: If you lack it, understand that we are all unique. No two people are exactly alike. Embrace what makes you…. you! Each day when you look in the mirror understand that you have a unique voice and can offer each girl you approach something that no other man can offer…. you! Tell yourself that it is their privilege to get to spend time with you. If a girl does something that you don’t like, they lose those privileges to be around you. You don’t want to waste your time being around someone who is not good or even toxic for you. Ultimately, it’s their loss not yours. Beautiful women get approached all the time by men. They biologically develop a weeding out system to separate the weak from the strong. The real from the fake. As you talk to them, they will often do some verbal jabs or remarks that are meant to try and poke holes in your confident demeanor. If you blink first and let that confident demeanor crumble, she has won and you have lost the chance. The key to this is to be confident within yourself, no matter what. Even in your mind. How, you present yourself shows this off. Below are some external signs that show confidence: 1. Standing up straight. It’s easy to hunch as that’s most of our default position. Instead, stand up straight, shoulders back, feet twelve inches apart. This shows the world that you are not going to hide and are confident in yourself. 2. Talk Slow. When we are nervous, we tend to speak fast, as we want to get everything out

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before we lose the opportunity. A confident person on the other hand, speaks up, and speaks slowly. They know what they have to say is important. Talking slowly accents this. In doing so, you will be seen as much more confident in what you are saying. 3. Eye contact. How we hold a person’s gaze screams how confident we are. When you walk into a room and see an attractive girl and you catch her eyes, try to see if you can hold onto it until she looks away first. When you are talking to a girl, look her in the eyes. Don’t look at her lips, or the real estate that’s below the neck. You want her to feel like you are engaged as you both speak. 4. Asserting manliness. When you sit, don’t be afraid to take up some space. Notice the difference between the guys who spread out when they sit versus the guys who cross their legs tightly and take up little space. Taking up space when you sit gives out an alpha male vibe. 5. Fake vs Real Confidence. Women’s intuition is real. They can sense fakers pretty easy. If you have zero confidence you can try the whole, ‘fake it until you make it’ approach. It may help in starting out. Though do not expect things to take off right away. When I first began this study after having that ice queen end things by screaming, ‘Let it Go!’ it took a bit for me to gain my confidence back. In the meantime, I had to fake it. In doing so, I often heard from girls, “It’s like you’re not for real.” Or “It’s like you are too good to be true.” And it was. Rule Number Three: Take Care of yourself Women instinctively believe that how a person dresses and presents themselves are indicators on how well the guy can take care of them. If he can manage himself well, then he can take care of them. To increase your options, it’s critical that you take care of yourself.

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Doing this will not only help you to physically come across more attractive, it will help you feel better about yourself as well. Here are a few tips: 1. Body Hair Ensure you get a haircut at least once a month. As for the rest of your hair, this needs also to be maintained. Be it bushy eye brows, to a nose hair that are so plentiful it looks like Chewbacca is trying to escape from your nose, you will need to trim all of these areas. They need to be trimmed enough that they are not obvious. This also goes for ear hair. If you miss some of these areas it won’t matter how charming you are as she won’t be able to focus on anything other than the lone eyebrow hair that is sticking straight out of the rest of the flock like a unicorn horn. If you have facial hair, ensure it’s well groomed and taken care of. If you let it get too out of control this will scream to women that you just don’t take care of yourself. If you are clean shaven, then depending on your hair growth, shave daily. Use facial creams for men that can help flesh out your skin a little better and increase color of your face. 2. Dress well How a person dresses speaks volumes. Women are pretty observant in that they will look things like if your belt and your shoes match or color coordination. Clothes should not be too loose or too tight. I used to wear my youngest brother’s tank top when I went to freshmen year of college as I thought it made me look bigger. It didn’t. Shoes need to be pretty clean and nice. Shoes as you should be aware are pretty important to a woman and the quality of your shoe’s matters. At the very least it should match

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the rest of your outfit. Never wear white socks with black shoes! Only Michael Jackson could get away with that. 3. Your Scent Shower minimum once a day. Ensure that you are using deodorant consistently. It’s not a bad idea to have some with you in the hotter months as things get sweaty. When it comes to cologne, you want to go with some of the top brands. When you spray, spray a little on your neck and your wrists. Don’t overdo it. It should be that as she gets close to you, she can smell that intoxicating aroma. If she is 50 feet away and can smell it, it will repel her instead. 4. Your Mouth Brush your teeth and floss. Often. Ensure that you have mints or gum in close range for when the right occasion calls for it. Bleach your teeth if necessary. Another deal killer is having gunk in your teeth when you smile. The more you brush your teeth, the smoother the surface of your teeth will be and it will prevent food from sticking to them in the future. Make sure you use Chapstick as you don’t want your lips hurting real bad! Don’t pull a Napoleon Dynamite and forget your Chapstick! If you are out with a girl and things are going smoothly and you think you are going to make a visit to kiss town? Offer her gum about a half hour before action is to commence. You want to offer it to her casually. Don’t tip her off as this is the reason why you are offering her the gum. If you neglect to do this and you end up kissing anyways, prepare to taste what she had for lunch! 5. Go to the Gym! If you haven’t been to a gym before, then I would google for some good routines in

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starting out. What you work out typically depends on your body type. If you are skinny, then you will want to do less cardio and more lifting. If you are a rather larger than life man, then you may want to emphasize on the cardio. When you go to the gym it can be easily intimidating as you work around these huge guys. Just know that you need to start somewhere. The phraseology is also confusing as well. I would refer you to the world wide web on understanding the difference between sets and reps. It can also be incredibly boring because it’s pushing you to your limits and it would be so much easier staying home and watching a movie or playing a game. That being said, just know that the more you go, the more you will tend to enjoy going. If possible, find someone to go with so you can keep each other motivated! Don’t expect to look like Thor without his shirt on your anything like that anytime soon. Gaining muscle takes time. Keep going. Even if you don’t see a huge difference, emotionally you will feel great. Rule Number Four: Getting Dates There are a few things to consider when asking a girl out, getting her number, setting up your first date and landing your first kiss. 1. Asking girls out. When asking girls out, it can be daunting and intimidating. Keeping it casual will help both you and the girl relax. There are a lot of creeps out there and getting asked out can be just as intimidating for the girl. She doesn’t want to go out with a psycho. Do not say, “I would love to take you to my dungeon where I can brush your perfect barbie hair for three hours.”, while simultaneously staring into her eyes without blinking. That’s a no no.

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When asking a girl out you don’t want to make a big deal about it. Just two people spending some time together so they can get to know each other better. Basically, it’s all about seeing if it’s the right fit for both of you. My best way that I would ask girls out would be something like, “Stacy, what do you like to do for fun?” Depending on what she responds, then you could offer to do it together: Stacy: “Um I like the outdoors and going on hikes.” Me: “Cool! That sounds fun. We should do that together sometime!” Stacy: “Yeah sure!” Me: “Sweet. Let me get your number!” It wasn’t too intimidating or anything like that. However, if you feel confident and have a handle of the situation you can try the, “Wanna go out sometime?” line. Just read the room and the situation. Go with what feels right. 2. Great I got her number…now what? Once you have a girl’s phone number it’s important to know that there is something called the 48-hour buffer window. Basically, it’s an unspoken rule that if you call before that 48-hour mark is up, she’ll think you are way too eager and it can scare her off. If you wait too long on the other hand, say 36 hours then she will think that you have lost interest and the opportunity could also be lost. Once you get her number and the 48 hours is up, you have about an 8-hour window to call. I once called a girl before the 48 hours was up and she freaked out. 3. Rejection

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Rejection is part of the process. If a girl says, “No” for whatever reason, such as she has a boyfriend, it’s fine. Be cool with it and move on. Her saying no has no bearing on if you are a great guy or not. Remember no big deal! You want to make it as easy on her as possible. The more you ask girls out, the more you will get rejected. However, there will be plenty that say yes. Do not take it too hard if she says no. Remember this is where being okay being by yourself comes in handy. If she says no, it’s not because she’s stuck up or you are awful or hopeless. If she says no, then she missed out on an opportunity to go out with a great guy (you)! 4. Tension The mindset every time you are on a date should be, “I think you are pretty and would like to get to know you better.” You are interviewing them for the job, never the other way around. You want to know if they are someone that you would like to spend time with. In the beginning never like a girl more than she likes you. Basically, there needs to be some tension there on both sides. Think of trying to get a chew toy out of a dog’s mouth. He’s going to pull hard on his side the harder you pull. If you give way too much slack then the game is over and all fun is lost. Basically, keep that tension going by not giving too much or pulling back too much. If you are on a date with a girl and she is the prettiest girl you have ever seen, telling her this will give all the slack up and the game will be over, unless you were to say something like “I think you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen. However now I’m curious to see if your personality matches!” That’s in rare occasions of course. It’s key to hang back until you get to know each other much better. It’s like poker. You don’t want to show all of your cards too soon.

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Never let their good looks intimidate you. If you try to impress a girl by buy trying to purchase her affection with gifts and expensive purchases you actually lose points. If you tell the girl you like her too soon, before you know it you are chained up and sent to Alcatraz of the ‘Just Friends’ zone. Welcome to the Rock. Once a girl has sent you there in her mind, it’s pretty much a loss. It’s time to cut your losses and move on to the next stock. 5. Hang back On your first date it’s important to give her space. Don’t crowd her. If you need to walk away to get something, do so confidently. Try to maintain the visual however. Crowding a girl on your first date will just freak her out. As she feels more comfortable around you, physically you can get closer. On my first date with my now wife I took her to a club and I gave her space. I didn’t crowd her. I even confidently walked away from her to get water. It sounds silly but that simple act separated me from the other guys she had dated. Most guys she went out with crowded her and wouldn’t give her space. I did. 5. Kissing. This one is tricky as kissing means something different for everyone. It could mean a relationship, or it can be just because you two are attracted to each other. The third date is typically the kiss date. However, the majority of my kisses, including my now wife was all on the first date. If she is giving you the signals and you want to kiss her, remember that scene in Hitch. As you bring your lips close to her, remember you only go 90 percent of the way, she goes the last 10. If she pulls away, then you misread the situation, and you can recover by joking, “Sorry I was just trying to smell your hair.” Or something to that effect. It will be obvious, but a smooth

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recovery. One devilish technique is the take away. You can go in for the kiss, and as she leans in to kiss you back, you can pull back and say something like “Sorry I was trying to see what color of eyes you have.” Or something like that. This increases the tension and it just makes the girl want you even more. As you will read below under the Attraction section, women want what they can’t control. Rule Number Five: Diversify your stock portfolio Move on. I want this to be in your mental arsenal. When out in the dating field we need to constantly be willing to move on if things don’t work out with this girl or that girl. I’m sure you’ve heard the adage, “Don’t put all of your Easter eggs in one basket.” Well in the dating world in the very early stages it’s important to spread things out. Think of it like investing it in the stock market. Each girl is a different stock. You get Samantha’s number? You just purchased a tiny little bit of Samantha stock. You kissed, Jessica? That’s a little bit bigger of an investment with Jessica’s stock. You do not want to go ALL IN on one...


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