Esssay 4 - Tannen - Study Hero PDF

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Write a summary about Deborah Tannen's book, You Just Don’t Understand...

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Short Essay #4: Deborah Tannen Summary

Deborah Tannen, in her book, You Just Don’t Understand, seems as though she is saying that men and women can often misunderstand each other when trying to communicate. They both have different ways of viewing things. She also seems to be biased toward women in her explanation of the reasons why these problems always arise. In other words, her views seem as if they are more sympathetic and “kind” toward women. Near the beginning of the book, Tannen mentions a problem that she and her husband had. Because of work, they were always separated from each other for long periods of time. When confronted about it, Tannen took a slightly pessimistic view, while her husband tried to be optimistic about it and say that being away from each other allowed them to get a lot of work done. One of the reasons why they had such different views is because Tannen was driven by her emotions, while her husband probably thought about it from a logical viewpoint. This is one point that Tannen implies numerous times in her book. According to her, women rely more on their feelings, whereas men would rather think their way through problems. Another contrast between men and women that Tannen points out is that women prefer intimacy and men want independence. Women want connections, they have a desire for friendships and want to reach a consensus. They would be more likely to talk things over with the authority in their lives than men. Men want to be the one telling people what to do, and to be able to do things on their own without any assistance from anybody. They are more likely to do things without consulting anyone at all before making that decision. It’s as if women see you as an equal partner, but men are their own bosses and call all the shots. Tannen also points out that men and women have different ways for dealing with their problems. Women want sympathy and understanding for their problems, and men simply want to

Short Essay #4: Deborah Tannen Summary

fix the problems and get it out of the way. Many times women will refuse help, because that’s not what they truly wanted. Women and men even have different methods of working their problems out with each other. Women often like to sympathize and relate to each other’s problems, whereas men downplay the problems of others and elevate their own. Men and women also have very different general views of the world. Women view the world as a place where they are an individual put into a network of various connections. They desire intimacy, friendship, and support. Men on the other hand view the world as a hierarchal social order, where a person is either one-up or one-down. Life is like a constant competition, where one must always do what they have to maintain their independence. Overall, Tannen is implying that men have a more information-based and “unimportant” view on communication, where for women, its one of the most important things in life. Although she makes so many assumptions and generalizations, Tannen reminds us that not all men and women are how she has described. Sometimes it can be mixed around or even completely reversed. The way that we communicate as people is also heavily determined by the environment we grew up in. Albeit controversial, Tannen’s book makes a number of valid points about how men and women communicate. It was a pleasure to read, helped me to gain new insight, and allowed me to view this topic from a woman’s perspective....