Exam 2 Book Notes - Summary Close Encounters: Communication in Relationships PDF

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Comm330 Caplan...

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Self Presentation (pp 13-25) ●

Three interrelated theoretical perspectives illuminate how people use communication to present themselves in a positive light: ○ Self presentation ○ Goffman’s dramaturgical approach that suggests people are similar to actors on a stage ○ Brown and Levinson’s politeness theory, including preventive and corrective facework

General Issues in Self Presentation ● Self presentation is usually a matter of highlighting certain aspects of ourselves for different audiences ○ Segregation of elements of ourselves is not usually deceptive if those characteristics are all real aspects of ourselves ○ Emily may display her social side to her friends and her serious side to teachers and employers Is Self Presentation Hypocritical, Manipulative, or Deceptive? ● People fabricate identities ○ Computer mediated communication provides more opportunity to fabricate our identity ○ Research shows that such fabrications have many intentions and are most likely fabricated by people who are materialistic,

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have higher self efficacy, and spend more time on Facebook Attractiveness deception is a ever-present form of online identity enhancement ○ Men are likely to lie about their height, and women about their weight Found that people felt such inconsistencies were hypocritical, untrustworthy, and misleading, and were more serious is the perpetrator

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was an acquaintance rather than a friend Display rules: a social group or culture's informal norms that distinguish how one should express themselves Emotional labor: people must display certain attitudes or emotions at work A key element of a successful performance is that is perceived as sincere and a tre reflection of one’s personality

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○ Research has shown that when deception is detected, it produces detrimental personal and relational consequences Research on narcissism has shown that boastful individuals are rated as less socially attractive and less liked than are people who are less self promoting How is Self Presentation Related to Communication Competence? ●

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Socially skilled people have a knack for communicating effectively and appropriately ○ Competent communicators usually have more successful lives and relationships Role flexibility can help us be more effective communicators, as long as we are not manipulating others for evil purposes ○ We must fulfill different roles for different audiences We are more likely to present a favorable impression of ourselves to strangers than to friends ○ People habitually use different self presentation strategies with different audiences, relying on favorable self enhancement with strangers but shifting toward modesty when among friends Several studies show that we vary the impression that we want to project based on the relationship or situation - restroom behavior of both men in women in restaurants and bars ○ Those who spent the most time managing their appearance were in the newest relationships ○ Affinity seeking behavior: actions designed to attract others; numerous impression management activities that we do early in relationships to increase our partner’s attraction to us

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■ Appearing interested in conversations ■ Emphasizing similarities ■ Portraying an image as a “fun” person Recent practice of “sexting” is an attempt to seek affinity by establishing an uninhibited, fun, and sexy idnetity

Such images may be a source of great embarrassment, identity damage, and even sexual aggression “Sexters” are often insecure and relationally anxious individuals who overcompensate for these deficiencies by using sexting as a means of increasing interpersonal attraction ● The people present themselves to others is flexible and dynamic; people manage their behavior differently depending on the relationship so as to maximize positive impression and social competence To What Extent is Self Presentation a Deliberate, Conscious Activity? ● Self presentation is so commonplace that it becomes routine, habitual behavior that is encoded unconsciously ○ Table manners, politeness, strategies ■ ■

When we especially want to make a good impression or expect difficulty in achieving a desired impression, self presentations are more planned and controlled ● In some circumstances, we are deliberate in using impression management tactics, but most of our self presentational strategies are relatively habitual and are performed unconsciously ● Both autonomous and more socially driven people change their attitudes to maintain a certain image of themselves; only the kind of image differs “Life is a Stage”: The Dramaturgical Perspective ●

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Goffman maintained that we constantly enact performances geared for audiences - with the purpose of advancing a beneficial image of ourselves ○ Some sexually active individuals refrain from using condoms because they are afraid such an action may imply that they (or their partners) are “uncommitted” or “diseased” ○ Gambling enthusiasts pursue their wagering habits partly because they wish to portray themselves as spontaneous,

adventurous, and unconcerned about losing money Homeless people present themselves to their communities in ways that help restore their dignity - distancing was the most common form of self presentation found among the homeless Condition 1: The Behavior Reflects Highly Valued, Core Aspects of the Self ○

● People are more concerned about successful impression management of central features of our identity than peripheral ones ● Our identities are tied to the distinctiveness of ourselves as the person that we assert to establish as our core identity Condition 2: Successful Performance is Tied to Vital Positive or Negative Consequences ● If your success in a cherished relationship depends on your ability to convince your partner of your commitment, the importance of impression management heightens ● We are especially motivated to be perceived positively when interacting with attractive or valued others Condition 3: The Behavior Reflects Directly on Valued Rules of Conduct ● When important relational rules are violated frequently,m it not only is very face threatening, but also often leads to relationship ●

deterioration Three identity factors are prominent in close relationships when partners try to make first impressions ○ In early stages, people typically display central aspects of themselves to their partners (condition 1) ○ Success in these displays can make the difference between attracting or repelling a friend or romantic partner (condition 2)

○ Finally, ground rules are often set as to what types of conduct will be most highly valued (condition 3) Goffman referred to social behavior designed to manage impressions and influence others as a performance in front of a set of observers or an audience and in a particular location: a stage Front Stage vs Backstage ●

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Frontstage - where our performances are enacted, where our behaviors are observed by an audience, and where impression management is particularly important Backstage - where we can let our guard down and do not have to think about staying in character ○ Wings (surrounding area) - we often find materials such as cologne or perfume, a hairbrush, and a mirror that we use to improve our appearance Primary way that we gain information about someone is by consulting other people ○ Gives people an idea of how to manage their impressions When people are with their closest friends or intimate partners, behaviors that typically are reserved for the backstage are moved to the

frontstage Role, Audience, and Context ● Which stages behaviors occur in depends on role enacted, the audience being targeted, and the context in which the activities are performed ●

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It is important to note the audience’s role in the impression management process ○ When the self presentation is successful, the audience and “actor” interact to help each other validate and maintain their identities We expect other people to accept our identities and to help us save face when we accidentally display an undesired image

○ People who fail to help others save face are often disliked and shunned Politeness Theory ● Focuses on the specific ways that people manage and save face using communication Positive Face vs Negative Face ● ● ●

Positive face: the favorable image that people portray to others and hope to have validated by others Negative face: part of us that wants to do what we want to do or say, without concern about what others would like us to do or say Politeness theory revolves around four general assumptions ○ Threats to positive and negative face are an inherent part of social interaction ○

■ Central to politeness theory is that positive and negative face needs are managed in every interaction People’s positive and negative faces can be either validated or threatened by interaction ■ Face threatening acts (FTAs): behaviors that detract from an individual’s identity by threatening either their positive or their negative face desires (ex. Forgetting a dinner date with your significant other is a self inflicted threat to your positive face - your identity as a caring partner) Both members of an interaction are motivated to avoid threatening either their own or the interaction partner’s face needs ■ We normally try to avoid making others look bad and respect others who refrain from making us look bad ■

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Some people enjoy violating social expectations and embarrassing others, politeness theory researchers respond with two explanations ● Those people who are also often shunned, social reprimanded, or disliked by most other people have little to lose and feel as though they can enhance their status by putting down other people ● All threats to face are not equally bad; some are much less severe than others

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Six factors affect eh degree to which an FTA is perceived to be severe ○ The more important the rule that is violated, the more severe the FTA ○ The more harm the behavior produces, the more sever the FTA ○ The more the actor is directly responsible for the behavior, the more severe the FTA ○ ○ ○

The more of an imposition the behavior is, the more severe the FTA The more power the receiver has over the sender; the more severe the FTA The larger the social distance between sender and receiver, the more severe the FTA ■ May not always be true ■

In many cases, instead of being less concerned about threatening the identity of those close to us, we are actually more concerned about doing so

Facework Strategies ● Bald on record strategy ○ ○ ○

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Primary attention to task and little attention to helping the partner save face Most efficient strategy but also the most face threatening Typically used when maximum task efficiency is important or where a large difference in power or status exists betweens actors

○ Ex. mother telling their child to “come home right now!” Positive politeness strategy ○ Intended to address the receiver’s positive face while still accomplishing the task ○ Includes explicit recognition of the receiver’s value and the receiver’s contributions to the process and couches the FTA as something that does not threaten the identity of the receiver ○ Ex. complimenting someone before you say a request Negative politeness strategy ○ Tries to address the receiver’s negative face while still accomplishing the task ○ Often involves deference on the part of the sender to ensure not being perceived as coercive ○ Requests phrased this way clearly emphasize the freedom of the receiver to decline ○ Ex. “I suppose there wouldn’t be any chance of your being able to lend me your car for a few minutes, would there?” Going off record strategy

○ Primary attention to face and little attention to task ○ An inefficient strategy for accomplishing tasks, but may serve the participants well ○ Ex. hinting, using an indirect onverbal expression, making request as a joke ● People can decide not to engage in the FTA Preventive and Corrective Facework ● Preventive facework: efforts to avoid or minimize potential face threat ○ Seek to preclude future damage by framing the message in friendlier, softer terms ● Disclaimers - most common form of preventive facework ○ ○ ○ ○ ●

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Hedging (I may be way off here, but…) Credentialing (I’m your father, so I’ll be straight with you) Sin license (Well since we’re all disclosing embarrassing situations…) Cognitive disclaimer (I know you’re going to think I’ve lost it, but…)

○ Appeal for suspended judgment (Hear me out before jumping to conclusions) Verbal self handicapping ○ People will sometimes offer an excuse that serves to minimize the face threat of a potentially poor performance ○ Often become self-fulfilling prophecies Corrective facework: efforts to repair an identity already damaged by something that was said or done ○ Embarrassing moments are good examples of situations that often lead to corrective facework because they undermine a person’s positive self image Six general corrective strategies for repairing a damaged face: ○ ○ ○ ○

Avoidance Humor Apologies Accounts

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Remediation

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Aggression

Hurtful Messages (pp 149-153) ● Devaluation: involves feeling unappreciated and unimportant ○ Can feel devalued at the individual or relational level ● Two particular forms of behavior that cause people to feel devalued: relational transgressions and hurtful messages Relational Transgressions ● Relational transgressions occur when people violate implicit or explicit relational rules ●

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○ Key is that the behavior violates a relational rule in a way that inflicts hurt on the partner Top relational transgressions identified by college students are: ○ Having sex with someone else ○ Wanting to or actually dating others ○ Deceiving others about something significant In friendships, betrayal leads to less acceptance, trust, and respect ○ They often recast the friend’s entire personality to frame the friend in a more negative light Transgression maximizing messages: highlight the negative aspects of transgression as well as the partner’s role in causing that negativity ○ Blaming the partner and talking about how hurt one is Transgression minimizing messages: focus on downplaying the severity of the transgression by using strategies such as saying that the partner’s behavior was unintentional, explaining or justifying the partner’s behavior, or saying that it is not a big deal

● People that use transgression maximizing messages are more likely to see a decline in the quality of their relationship ● An exception is when people say their partner took responsibility for the transgression - leads to an increase in relationship quality Hurtful Messages ● Hurtful messages: words that elicit psychological pain

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Constitute a particular type of transgression because they violate rules about how people should treat each other in relationships People report more distancing and less relational closeness when their partner frequently uses hurtful messages More likely to distance yourself from someone who frequently uses hurtful messages

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Messages are more or less hurtful based on the topic they address and the form of communication they take Hurtful messages are less psychologically painful when they are lightened through humor Messages focusing on relationship issues are even more hurtful than those focusing on personality traits The more personally people take negative comments, the more likely they are to ruminate about what was said and to experience

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residual hurt ○ Relationship history makes a difference ● People who take things personally, have a history of being hurt in relationships, and receive frequent hurtful messages in their current relationship are especially susceptible to the negative effects of hurtful messages Types of Hurtful Messages ● Most common are evaluations, accusations, and informative statements ● Feeling devalued is a central component of hurtful messages for young children as well as adults\ ● Evaluation - negative judgments of worth, value, or quality ● ● ● ●

Accusation - charges about a person’s faults or actions Informative statement - disclosure of unwanted information Directive - directions or commands that go against one’s desires or imply negative thoughts or feelings Expressions of desire - statements about one’s preferences or desires

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Threat - a declaration of intent to inflict punishment under certain conditions Question - inquiry or interrogation that implies a negative judgment Joke - a witticism or prank that insults the partner Deception - a statement that is untrue or distorts the truth

Responses to Hurtful Messages ● Active verbal responses ○ Focus on confronting one’s partner about hurtful remarks ○ The most frequently reported response in both adult relationships and parent-child relationships ●

○ People may be especially likely to use these when they are in satisfying relationships Acquiescent responses ○ Involve giving in and acknowledging the partner’s ability to inflict harm ○ People use these when they are deeply hurt by something a close relational partner did

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Invulnerable responses ○ ○ ○

Avoid talking about the hurtful message and involve acting unaffected by the hurtful remark Ex. you might ignore the hurtful message, laugh it off, become quiet, or withdraw Both acquiescent and invulnerable responses may be more likely than active verbal strategies when people become flooded with emotion and have difficulty talking about their feelings

Supportive Communication (pp 99-107) ● Supportive communication: verbal and nonverbal behavior produced with the intention of providing assistance to others perceived as needing that aid ●

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Types of supportive communication ○ Emotional support - involves expressing caring, concern, and empathy ○ Esteem support - used to bolster someone’s self worth by making that person feel valued, admired, and capable ○ Informational support - giving specific advice, including facts and information that might help someone solve a problem ○ Tangible aid - occurs when people provide physical assistance, goods, or services, or helping someone complete a task ○ Network support - directing someone to a person or group who can help them because they have had similar experiences Potential problem with supportive communication in relationships - people sometimes feel obligated to comfort others and give advice even if they do not have the proper knowledge to do so

The Dual Process Model of Supportive Communication ● The dual process model of supportive communication addresses these and other issues by outlining the process that occurs when people receive and respond to supportive messages ○ Providing support - “helper” ●

○ Receiving help - “recipient” Two pathways occur depending on whether or not the recipient is motivated and able to process the message ○ First path - the recipient is unmotivated or unable to process the message ■ Ex. not talking about what happened, too upset to process ○

■ Suggests that whether or not the recipient feels better is dependent on environmental cues Second path - recipient is motivated and able to process the message ■ Whether they feel better is based on the quality of the message ■ Messages are effective when they help the recipient reappraise the situation so that it seems less distressing

■ Change the way they feel about the situation, supportive communication ● The most effective support tends to be invisible or person centered and nonverbally immediate Invisible Support ● P...