Interpersonal Communication Putting Theory into Practice PDF

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Interpersonal Communication Putting Theory into Practice Denise Solomon and Jennifer Theiss Interpersonal-00-c.qxd 24/10/12 08:55 Page i INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION Some of us may believe that interpersonal communication is a matter of common sense or that skillful communication is an innate ability...

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Interpersonal Communication Putting Theory into Practice Denise Solomon and Jennifer Theiss

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INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION Some of us may believe that interpersonal communication is a matter of common sense or that skillful communication is an innate ability that you either have or you don’t. In this textbook, Denise Solomon and Jennifer Theiss demonstrate that interpersonal communication skills are not just common sense; nor are they mysterious qualities that defy learning. Interpersonal Communication: Putting Theory into Practice draws on theory and research in the interpersonal communication discipline to help you identify strategies to improve your communication skills. Denise and Jen introduce interpersonal communication as a subject of scientific research that has enormous relevance to your daily lives. You will learn to use what researchers have discovered about interpersonal communication to improve your own ability to communicate well. You will also read about contemporary research in interpersonal communication, a foundation for establishing skill-building tips. In making research accessible, Denise and Jen show that communication scholars tackle important questions that have real-life relevance, and they dispel myths about interpersonal communication. A touchstone throughout this textbook is a commitment to topics and applications that can help you in many different situations and throughout your life. When you have finished reading this textbook, you will be better prepared to communicate effectively in all areas of your world, with skills and understanding that you can use to improve your interactions with the people around you. Denise Solomon is Professor of Communication Arts and Sciences at the Pennsylvania State University, University Park. Jennifer Theiss is Associate Professor of Communication at Rutgers University.

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INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION Putting Theory into Practice

Denise Solomon and Jennifer Theiss

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Please visit the companion website at www.routledge.com/cw/solomon

First published 2013 by Routledge 711 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017 Simultaneously published in the UK by Routledge 2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business © 2013 Taylor & Francis The right of Denise Solomon and Jennifer Theiss to be identified as authors of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers. Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe. Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data Solomon, Denise. Interpersonal communication : putting theory into practice / Denise Solomon and Jennifer Theiss. p. cm. 1. Interpersonal communication. I. Theiss, Jennifer. II. Title. P94.7.S65 2013 302.2—dc23 2012016255 ISBN 13: 978–0–415–80751–7 (hbk) ISBN 13: 978–0–415–80752–4 (pbk) ISBN 13: 978–0–203–14783–2 (ebk) Typeset in Berkeley by Keystroke, Station Road, Codsall, Wolverhampton. Publisher: Linda Bathgate Textbook Development Manager: Rebecca Pearce Editorial Assistant: Kayley Hoffman Production Editor: Gail Newton Marketing Manager: Paul Myatovich Text Design: Karl Hunt at Keystroke Typesetting and Graphic Design Ltd Copy-editor: Susan Dunsmore Proofreader: Rictor Norton Indexer: Penelope Kent Cover Design: Gareth Toye Companion Website Designer: Marie Mansfield

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Denise dedicates this book to Melinda, Sara, Carrie, and Ann. Jen dedicates this book to Sarah, Carla, Heather, and Claire. Our best friends, whose loyalty, friendship, and love have been the model for good interpersonal communication in our lives.

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Brief Table of Contents 1 WHAT IS INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION?

2

2 CULTURE AND INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

38

3 IDENTITY AND INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

68

4 PERCEPTION AND INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

96

5 LANGUAGE AND INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

126

6 NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION

154

7 EMOTIONS AND COMMUNICATION

180

8 LISTENING

206

9 DEVELOPING AND ENDING RELATIONSHIPS

236

10 INTIMACY AND INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

264

11 COMMUNICATION IN FAMILIES

292

12 INTERPERSONAL INFLUENCE

320

13 INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT

346

14 COMMUNICATING SUPPORT AND COMFORT

376

BIBLIOGRAPHY INDEX

401 438

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Contents

Preface Icons Used in this Text Acknowledgments

CHAPTER 1

PART 1 CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

xiii xx 1

WHAT IS INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION?

2

WHAT IS INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION?

4

PRACTICING INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

16

STUDYING INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

23

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION ETHICS

28

SUMMARY

31

ACTIVITIES FOR EXPLORING COMMUNICATION ETHICS

33

KEY WORDS

34

FOUNDATIONS

36

CULTURE AND INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

38

WHAT IS CULTURE?

40

CULTURE AND COMMUNICATION

50

INTERCULTURAL COMMUNICATION

55

SUMMARY

65

ACTIVITIES FOR EXPLORING COMMUNICATION ETHICS

67

KEY WORDS

67

IDENTITY AND INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

68

SELF-CONCEPT: HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF

70

IDENTITY: THE COMMUNICATED SELF

79

IDENTITIES IN TRANSITION

88

SUMMARY

93

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CHAPTER 4

PART 2 CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

ACTIVITIES FOR EXPLORING COMMUNICATION ETHICS

95

KEY WORDS

95

PERCEPTION AND INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

96

STAGES OF PERCEPTION

98

ATTRIBUTION: PERCEIVING AND MISPERCEIVING CAUSES

105

FACTORS THAT AFFECT PERCEPTION

113

SUMMARY

120

ACTIVITIES FOR EXPLORING COMMUNICATION ETHICS

122

KEY WORDS

122

INTERPERSONAL INTERACTION

124

LANGUAGE AND INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

126

THE NATURE OF VERBAL COMMUNICATION

128

THE RULES OF LANGUAGE

135

FACTORS THAT AFFECT LANGUAGE USE

142

BIASED LANGUAGE

148

SUMMARY

151

ACTIVITIES FOR EXPLORING COMMUNICATION ETHICS

153

KEY WORDS

153

NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION

154

WHAT IS NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION?

156

THE FUNCTIONS OF NONVERBAL MESSAGES

162

INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES

169

COMBINING VERBAL AND NONVERBAL CUES

172

SUMMARY

178

ACTIVITIES FOR EXPLORING COMMUNICATION ETHICS

179

KEY WORDS

179

EMOTIONS AND COMMUNICATION

180

WHAT ARE EMOTIONS?

182

FEELINGS AND COMMUNICATION

190

FACTORS THAT AFFECT EMOTIONS AND COMMUNICATION

193

THE DARK SIDE OF EMOTIONS IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS

198

SUMMARY

203

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PART 3 CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

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ACTIVITIES FOR EXPLORING COMMUNICATION ETHICS

205

KEY WORDS

205

LISTENING

206

WHAT IS LISTENING?

208

ACTIVE LISTENING

219

LISTENING FOR RELATIONAL MEANINGS

226

SUMMARY

231

ACTIVITIES FOR EXPLORING COMMUNICATION ETHICS

233

KEY WORDS

233

INTERPERSONAL RELATING

234

DEVELOPING AND ENDING RELATIONSHIPS

236

FORMING RELATIONSHIPS

239

ESCALATING RELATIONSHIPS

244

ENDING RELATIONSHIPS

251

WHEN THINGS GO WRONG

255

SUMMARY

260

ACTIVITIES FOR EXPLORING COMMUNICATION ETHICS

262

KEY WORDS

262

INTIMACY AND INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

264

THE NATURE OF INTIMACY

266

COMMUNICATION IN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS

272

INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES IN INTIMACY

277

EXTREMES OF INTIMACY

284

SUMMARY

288

ACTIVITIES FOR EXPLORING COMMUNICATION ETHICS

290

KEY WORDS

290

COMMUNICATION IN FAMILIES

292

WHAT IS A FAMILY?

294

COMMUNICATION IN FAMILY SYSTEMS

299

THE FAMILY LIFESPAN

305

SUMMARY

315

ACTIVITIES FOR EXPLORING COMMUNICATION ETHICS

317

KEY WORDS

317

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PART 4 CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 14

STRATEGIC INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

318

INTERPERSONAL INFLUENCE

320

GOALS

322

INFLUENCE MESSAGES

328

INTERPERSONAL INFLUENCE IN ACTION

334

SUMMARY

343

ACTIVITIES FOR EXPLORING COMMUNICATION ETHICS

345

KEY WORDS

345

INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT

346

WHAT IS CONFLICT?

348

MANAGING CONFLICT

354

CONFLICT DYNAMICS

364

SUMMARY

372

ACTIVITIES FOR EXPLORING COMMUNICATION ETHICS

374

KEY WORDS

375

COMMUNICATING COMFORT AND SUPPORT

376

PROVIDING COMFORT

378

INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES IN COMFORTING BEHAVIOR

389

COMFORT WHEN IT COUNTS

394

SUMMARY

398

ACTIVITIES FOR EXPLORING COMMUNICATION ETHICS

400

KEY WORDS

400

Bibliography Index

401 438

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Preface

Students attend college for a variety of reasons: to broaden their minds, to learn a vocation, or to become independent adults. But all students need to master interpersonal communication skills. Everyone, regardless of her or his personal and career goals, benefits from an ability to promote a friendship, to resolve a conflict, to comfort someone in need, and to answer questions clearly. Throughout the course of our lives, the experiences that bring us joy, that define who we are, and that connect us to others are grounded in interpersonal communication. As active communication researchers, we hope that the studies we conduct will someday offer tangible solutions to complex human problems. As teachers, our greatest professional joys have come from seeing students improve their communication skills in ways that changed their lives. Denise remembers a student who started the semester paralyzed by the thought of interpersonal conflict and who, over the course of the semester, became confident enough to express herself during disagreements. That student wrote a couple of years later to say that she had become the go-to person in her workplace whenever someone had an interpersonal communication problem. Jen has seen how learning strategies for listening and self-disclosure helped a shy and lonely firstyear student emerge as a confident campus leader. Like all teachers of interpersonal communication, we have countless stories like these. Because of the impact of interpersonal communication on students’ lives, we are inspired to promote the teaching of interpersonal communication.

OUR MISSION This book introduces students to interpersonal communication as a subject that has enormous relevance to their daily lives. We provide concrete strategies for building communication skills that are firmly grounded in contemporary communication research. We also show that effective interpersonal communication is based on strategies and skills that everybody can learn to do better. Our touchstone throughout is a commitment to topics and applications that can help students in many different situations and throughout their lives.

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xiv

PREFACE

Improve Quality of Life by Promoting Communication Skills A central goal of this text is helping students use what researchers have learned about interpersonal communication to improve their own ability to communicate well. To that end, we weave skill-building suggestions throughout every section of every chapter. We frequently invite students to pause and reflect on material in the text, so that they can identify connections between what they are learning and their own life experiences. We suggest activities for applying concepts, and we provide self-assessments to promote personal insight. Each section of every chapter suggests ways that students can practice what they have learned – these recommendations are focused, concrete, and closely tied to the information in the chapter. Then, because good communication is attentive to ethical issues and priorities, each chapter concludes with a set of activities for promoting communication ethics.

Use Contemporary Research to Inform Concrete Skill-Building Tips As college students, we were both drawn to the study of interpersonal communication because we saw that communication scholars take on important questions that have real-life relevance. For Denise, discovering the inherent biases people bring to conflict interactions motivated her to study how personal relationships develop and survive in the face of threats. Jen wanted to understand how romantic partners express intimacy and establish mutual commitment within relationships. As researchers, we have worked independently and together to understand how romantic partners experience and withstand challenges, such as uncertainty, jealousy, hurtful messages, and conflict. As teachers, we continually draw upon communication research to develop concrete guidelines for building communication skills.

Dispel Myths about Interpersonal Communication Like many teachers of interpersonal communication, we’ve been confronted by two persistent myths that students bring to our classrooms. One is that interpersonal communication is just a matter of common sense. Paradoxically, the other myth is that communication skill is an innate gift that you either have or you don’t. In translating the richness of the communication discipline for the introductory communication skills course, we show students that interpersonal communication skill isn’t just common sense, but neither is it a mysterious quality that defies learning. To drive home this point, we focus on topics that connect fundamental communication concepts to students’ daily lives. We also address communication issues that emerge at different life stages, from childhood and through all the transitions of adolescence and adulthood. These topics give readers insight into communication issues relevant to their own stage of life, the changes that the future may hold, and the experiences of people around them. And throughout every chapter, we help students apply what they discover about these issues so they can become better communicators.

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PREFACE

A Text that Reaches Out to Students Helping students see the complexity of interpersonal communication, as well as how to improve their skills, requires teaching both the fundamental parts of the communication process and how those parts come together. Accordingly, both the order of the chapters and the organization of material within each chapter are designed to meet students at a basic level and then elevate their ability to communicate. We also capitalize on technology as an important part of students’ lives by encompassing communication via social media within the scope of interpersonal communication and providing materials to engage course material more deeply on an online companion website, available at: http://www.routledge.com/cw/solomon. The text begins with a chapter that introduces students to interpersonal communication as a practice that can be skillful and consequential – and as the focus of scientific research designed to reveal and explain the inner workings of this complex phenomenon. The remainder of the text is organized into four parts that accomplish the following important goals: ■ ■ ■ ■

Explore the foundations of interpersonal communication: culture, the characteristics of individuals, and the workings of the mind. Explore the behaviors and dynamics that unfold in interpersonal interactions. Locate interpersonal communication at the heart of developing, intimate, and family relationships. Describe how people can use communication to accomplish strategic goals like influencing others, managing conflicts, and comforting each other.

In this way, we help students to master specific facets of interpersonal communication, and we put the pieces together to help students succeed in communication situations they face every day over the course of their lives. In a similar fashion, each chapter begins with foundational concepts and then layers the nuances of interpersonal communication onto that foundation. People learn by mastering basic ideas and then elaborating th...