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Perception Checking Paper “I swear you never listen to me! All you think about is yourself!” Now, is that any way to approach a situation, or a person? Probably not, if you have a problem with someone, or you think that they have a problem with you, don’t approach it threatening, or defensively. Try something new, it’s called perception checking. It’s as easy as 1, 2, and 3. First, recognize how the person is behaving. Are they annoyed, bugged, or arrogant? Second, give at lease two possible interpretations of the behavior you noticed. “Why are they acting like this? Are they having a bad day? Are they mad at me”? Third, request for clarification about the behavior. “What’s going on? What’s up?” Perception checking helps you clarify a problem without developing an uncomfortable climate. It helps us make informed decisions, reduce defensiveness, and improve accuracy of our own perceptions. This method is useful to me because I have a lot of girl-friends, a boyfriend, and a family that aren’t afraid to act what they’re feeling. Chase is my boyfriend of a couple of years. But yesterday he was acting a bit shady. When he saw me in the halls at school he seemed un-amused, he didn’t text me back, and now he wasn’t talking. I didn’t know what was going on. I wondered if I had done something to upset him or if something happened with his family. The next day Chase and I were driving to school, I approached the situation with a sincere heart.

“Chase, I noticed that you hardly talked to me yesterday, you seemed impassive to see me, and you didn’t text me back. Did I do something to upset you, or is something happening with your family? What’s going on?” He was quite for a second, acting withdrawn. So I kept my eyes locked on him until he finally said something. “I’m sorry babe. I didn’t mean to act like a jerk. I had a lot on my mind yesterday. My mom and dad were fighting, and I had a ton of homework to do, I was really busy so I couldn’t text you back.” “Well, I suppose that’s okay, is there anything I can do to help?” “No, my parents shouldn’t affect us, and you’ve already helped enough for being a good girlfriend.” “Okay, let me know if I can do anything else.” “Thanks Mddison.” “You can count on me babe.” It worked! The perception check was useful! I thought Chase was mad at me, and I didn’t know why. I was sincere when asking Chase what was wrong, and when I used perception check no tension occurred. I bet Chase was pretty happy I didn’t nag at him for an hour or two about something uncertain. I’m glad that I asked him, and got it out of the way. If I hadn’t of used the perception check process, I probably would have bottled up my all my feelings, and would have exploded causing an unnecessary fight. Chase and I aren’t fighting at

the moment, but when we do, we both know how to use perception check to clarify our problems. I have made a lot of great friends on my cheer team, but Chelsea and I have grown the closest. Chelsea and I have been friends for a year. In the short amount of time we’ve been friends a lot has happened between us. She has helped me immensely with cheerleading, has given me advice on boys, and has helped me get involve with school activities. She is a way good friend, and I can count on her to brighten my day every occasion I see her. Except, the other day at school I tried to talk to her and she made me feel like a complete loser. “Chelsea!” I yelled across from the other side of the commons. I ran over to see her. She just looked at me and rolled her eyes. “Oh, hey, Maddi.” She sounded annoyed. She then looked away and started talking to Christian. I felt embarrassed, all our friends were standing around us and she made me feel like an idiot! I walked away wondering what just happened. I was hurt; my good friend just pushed me away as if I meant nothing to her. I wanted to let Chelsea know that what had happened really hurt my feelings. The next day at cheer practice I talked to Chelsea. “I feel like you’re to cool for me at school sometimes. I went to say hi to you yesterday and you submissively rolled your eyes, and

gave me a pitty ‘hey.’ It made me wonder if you were mad at me or if you were just having an off day. What’s up?” “Oh no, no, Maddi, It’s not like that at all. The day you came up to me and said hi, I was having the worst day ever! I previously have gotten on birth control and it is making my boobs hurt so badly. It’s making me highly emotional, so if I say something to make you upset, don’t take it offensively. My birth control is driving me nuts right now!” “Oh, good, I though you were mad at me, I felt dumb in front of all our friends. But now that I know that you were in a bad mood because of medication I can understand.” “I love you, Maddi! I would have told you if something was wrong. I promise. The birth control is so annoying, I’m sorry you thought I was mad at you.” The conversation ended there. It was short and simple, but it made me feel better. I shouldn’t have jumped to the conclusion that Chelsea was mad at me, I felt dumb. Chelsea is such a good friend and she would have told me if I had done something to offend her. The perception check was useful in this particular situation because I could have jumped to a couple more conclusions, and it could have been a drag to be on the same team as her. Now Chelsea and I are as close as ever! The perception checking process is a unique way to approach people in a sensitive manner. This method is a great way to deal with

someone who you think is mad at you without causing high tension or drama. Trust me when I say it makes life a little easier! So when you’re feeling picked on or excluded, do not jump to conclusions, or start a battle; try something new, it’s called perception checking....