SEC. 7 Symbolic COMM & COMM Patterns PDF

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1 SEC. 7

SYMBOLIC COMMUNICATION & COMMUNICATION PATTERNS

*Every family lives in its own unique symbolic world, yet also participates in a larger world of shared symbolic activity (talking, using words). *Family meanings are formed and renegotiated through this symbolic activity. *Symbolic activity helps families make sense of their lives. *The same event or situation may have many different meanings depending on which family members are involved. *Like stories, myths, metaphors, and rituals also contribute to the family’s collective identity (like an individual’s self-concept). *Family myths are beliefs about the family that are selective or constructed to represent the family in a way that may not be objectively true but serves some function for the family. *Myths are perpetuated through family stories (but not all stories are about myths). *For example, a family may see themselves as civic minded when they really do relatively little in their community. *Sometimes stories maintain family myths by what they exclude as well as by what they include. *For example, a family might tell stories of the father who is seen as a hero In the community for the work that he does; however, no one mentions that he cheats on his wife and neglects his children. *Family metaphors are specific events, objects, images, or behaviors that represent, for the family, some aspect of their collective identity. *Families use metaphors because they help members grasp their collective identity and more fully understand who they are. *Metaphors contribute to the formation of ideal images of how things are or how things are supposed to be but not necessarily how they were. *For example, a family who is very close and loving toward each other may see themselves as a tree with strong roots. *Metaphors are less elaborate than stories (and stories may contain metaphors), but they do affect a family’s communication behaviors. *Family rituals are repeated, patterned communication events in the family. *The repetition carries great meaning for the family members involved (because of the predictability), eventually developing into ongoing family rituals. Rituals can take 3 forms:

2 A. Everyday interactions – like prayers before meals B. Traditions – such as yearly family reunions C. Celebrations – such as having Thanksgiving dinner at Grandmother’s house *Celebrations and traditions differ in that celebrations are culturally sanctioned whereas traditions are more idiosyncratic to the family. *Rituals are very important to children for they help to form the stability that makes family life comfortable. *Rituals may include stories and may be the topic for other stories. *Family meanings are developed as members interpret their behaviors through communication. *The process of symbolic interaction assumes that: *humans think about and act according to the meanings they attribute to their actions and context. *humans are motivated to create meanings to help them make sense of the world. *Each person learns to interpret and evaluate behaviors within his/her family system and create a set of meanings that may not be understood by an outsider. *Each family system creates a worldview that organizes their shared beliefs and meanings. *Communication creates a relational culture that is based on this constructed worldview. *As a family system evolves, the communication among members affects the continuously adapting form of this worldview. *However, this does not happen quickly; members may struggle for years to gain similarity in interpreting and responding to each other’s behaviors. *Meanings emerge through the continuous interpretation of and response to messages. *Over time, these interactions become predictable and form communication patterns which have been established through repetition and have become so automatic as to continue without conscious awareness (for example, every time the teenage son asks his dad for money, the dad lectures the son on the importance of being financially independent). *Eventually, these patterns serve to create meanings. How family meanings emerge from patterns: 1. Family-of-origin – we are affected by our multigenerational experiences and our ethnic/cultural heritage.

3 *Multigenerational experiences – communication is first learned in the home. *When a family member leaves to begin a new family system, he/she takes the ways of relating to others acquired from the family-oforigin. *Ethnic/cultural heritage – ethnic and cultural influences are retained for many generations after immigration so that communication patterns of diverse ethnic heritages may bring partners into regular conflict until the source of the misperceptions can be identified and addressed. 2. Family rules – family rules have great staying power, and we tend to carry rules from our families-of-origin into our new family systems. *When two people form a new system, rule negotiation would have to occur for these people to achieve a communication pattern with which both could feel comfortable. *Once rules are established, changing them may be complicated and timeconsuming unless the individuals have a flexible adaptation process. 3. Family secrets – secrets involve information that is purposefully hidden or concealed by one or more family members. *Family relationships are shaped, in part, by what is shared and what is held secret by family members. *Secrets are tied frequently to family change. *Although the creation or dissolution of a secret can occur at any time, many secrets are created or revealed at periods of intense relationship change, such as marriage, divorce, or death. *Although secret keeping is a common family practice, sometimes maintaining powerful secrets can have negative physiological consequences for the secret bearer. *The number of secrets actually being kept is not as important as the perception that secrets are being kept (whether or not they really are). Categorizing family secrets: A. Taboo – skeletons in the closet including abuse, alcoholism, etc. B. Rule violations – such as premarital sex or premarital pregnancy. C. Conventional secrets – information that is private but not “wrong” such as death, religion, personality conflicts. D. Sweet secrets - created for the purpose of fun or surprise and usually timelimited (a surprise birthday party).

4 Functions of secrets: A. Bonding - individuals feel their secrets increase cohesiveness among family members (a couple’s sexual practices). B. Evaluation – family secrets serve to help members avoid negative judgment (alcoholism). C. Maintenance – the secrets help to keep family members close and protect them from stressors (an inheritance). D. Privacy – secrets are concealed because they are seen as personal and/or irrelevant to others (plans for pregnancy). E. Defense – secrets keep information from outsiders who might use the information against family members (a prison sentence). F. Communication – secrets reflect a lack of open communication among family members (sex education). LYING: The average person tells 4 lies a day. *73% say women are better liars. *2/3 don’t feel guilty about “white lies.” *The biggest white lie told most often: “I’m fine.”

Sec. 7 Probes 7.1 What is/was one of your family myths? What was its function? Did it work? 7.2 Identify three metaphors that you believe describe your family. Explain why each is appropriate. Indicate whether other family members would agree with your description. Why or not? 7.3 Describe a tradition or ritual that has become important to your family. How did this tradition start? What if it was suddenly stopped? 7.4 What particular communication patterns are used by your family? What do you think led your family to develop these patterns? Are they helpful or destructive? 7.5 Do you think your family should change their communication patterns? How do you think changing patterns might affect your family? 7.6 Explain a time when a secret had a big impact on your family. What was the function of the secret? Was the impact harmful in any way? 7.7 Explain a time when a lie had a big impact on your family. What was the purpose of the lie? How did it affect your family? Who was most hurt by the lie?...