Unit 4&5 Sacramental & Family Life - Dating, Love & Marriage PDF

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Unit 4/5 Family & Sacramental Life - Dating, Love & Marriage Lesson Goal: In this lesson we will review a few concepts regarding living in relationships, types of love (covered in previous lessons) and how the Church seeks to nurture family life and to build up the Kingdom of God. We will also be taking a look at Christian understanding of authentic human growth in in the context of family life commitments, in which family members find their joy and fulfillment in bringing about the Kingdom of God through their mutual love, on how we are “ Created Sexual” and explore again the kinds of love that people experience, with an emphasis on preparation for the sacrament of marriage and family life - the foundation of society. [CCC nos. 2360-2379] Finally we will look at how the Church nurtures and guides individuals and families in their shared sacred journeys of relationship, rooted in fidelity and chastity. Introductory Prayer:

Introductory song: (it’s an oldie but a goodie ☺) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JM_R1R28kLM My Endless Love (Diana Ross & Lionel Ritchie) (Lyrics are included in the Video) Lesson Layout: 1. Guiding questions on Dating & Knights of Columbus link, notes & quotes. 2. Definitions: Chastity, Abstinence, Fidelity, Adultery, Sexuality. (Matching)(SUBMIT) 3. Videos: Dating & a review of the 4 loves & questions. (SUBMIT) 4. Marriage as a Sacrament.(CCC) 5. Family Life, Sexuality & Procreation. (read, reflect & a little research)(SUBMIT)

1. Guiding Questions: • • •

What does the Church have to say about dating/courtship/engagement? What is the purpose of dating? What are some of the strategies for dating in the Knights of Columbus guide – that resonate with you?

“Dating A Practical Catholic Guide” - http://www.kofc.org/un/en/resources/cis/cis311.pdf

What is dating? Dating is a relatively recent phenomenon. Throughout most of history, marriages were negotiated by families, usually for economic or political reasons. Romantic relationships outside of marriage were thought to result from an impractical attraction, a corruption of virtue, or even a mental disorder. Dating as we stereotypically think of it only emerged in the late 1920’s and then primarily in the United States and parts of Europe. Since Christianity is at heart about relationships—the two greatest commandments are about how to relate to God and relate to others—Christians cannot dismiss dating. Even if dating turns out to be a fleeting moment in cultural history, it still affects countless individuals today.

History of dating (what many of you may not know) In the very early 1900’s, men and women familiarized themselves with each other through “calling.” If a man was interested in a woman, he would come to “call” at her house. He would introduce himself to her parents but not to the woman herself. The parents then took the name of the man (if they approved) to the woman, and then the woman decided if she wanted to meet the visitor or not. A woman could have several men “calling” on her, as “calling” was not a formal relationship and usually entailed conversing with the man in the woman’s home under supervision. If a woman repeatedly declined to meet the caller, the man would realize that he should stop visiting. If a woman decided to only accept one “caller” and no others, the relationship had moved to a different level. The couple still met in the home under supervision, but the two were considered to be “keeping company.” As the woman was supposed to “keep company” with only one man, the relationship was considered to be more formal, more serious, and progressing toward marriage. This approach included family, took place in the home, focused on conversation, and placed decision making in the hands of the woman. These features changed in the late 1920’s and early -7- 1930’s primarily because of the automobile. This is when dating as we stereotypically think about it began. A male would pick up the female from her house and take her to the movies, skating, dancing or whatever it was that they had agreed to do. This new approach resulted in a number of changes in how these romantic relationships unfolded. Instead of the relationship taking place in the woman’s home with support from the woman’s family, dates now took place in the man’s car and with the man’s money. The former power of women was replaced by the newfound power of men. Also, being separated from family and home, the lure of sex and sexual activity on dates began to grow. Despite these shifts, social cues to indicate what was acceptable and what was not acceptable were still in play. Going on dates was thought to be a precursor to “going steady” and thus a preparation for marriage. This approach to dating shifted in the 1960’s and the 1970’s with emergence of contraceptives and “the sexual revolution”. The formality of going on dates tended to be replaced by informal relationship, cohabitation, and sexual encounters. Dating was referred to as seeing someone,

hanging out with someone, or hooking up with someone. People began to marry later, so the connection between dating and marriage became tenuous at best. In today’s world, dating is usually understood in one of three ways. A man and woman might get together one night or a series of nights for sexual activity—ranging anywhere from kissing to intercourse—without a serious commitment. Or, a man and woman might enter into a highly committed relationship, eating almost every meal together and frequently spending nights at each other’s place. Finally, a man and a woman might go out with a group, talking primarily with each other, but not excluding the other members of the group. This group could be friends, other couples, or even families. Dating may or may not include sex, it could be serious or not, it might be public or private, and it may or may not have any connection to marriage. Given this diversity, it is no wonder that one of the challenges facing men and women today is how they communicate their understanding of dating and what it entails. Given these various manifestations of dating, it is difficult to arrive at a clear understanding of what dating is, much less to evaluate it. If we are to arrive at a Catholic understanding of dating, however, we must explain what we are talking about when we consider the subject. To cover all of these various types of dating, I am going to define dating not by what it is, but by what it is not. Dating is not marriage… this is an important thing to remember as we continue This statement is obvious but needs to be made since there are similarities between the two types of relationships. • Both are about the relationship between a man and woman • Both involve romantic love and sexual attraction • While marriage is entered into with the expectation that it will last until death, dating is entered into with the certainty that it will end. • In dating, people either break up or get married. In either case, dating has ended. • Dating is not friendship. (Often dating and friendships overlap, and, from a Catholic perspective, they ought to overlap. But they are not the same kind of relationship.) Note: Dating involves what the ancient Greeks, and more recently Pope Benedict XVI, call Eros. Eros is a concrete and specific love. It is a love for a particular person and his or her physical presence. It involves physical affection but is not what we call “erotic” in our culture. Friendship is a different kind of love, one that does not involve Eros. In other words, if friends start kissing, they are something more than friends.

Historically, dating has been synonymous with courtship. In courting, the question of marriage is being actively entertained. The root of courtship is to court, to woo, to invite. Courtship is thus to invite the real possibility of marriage into the relationship. While dating rarely cuts off the possibility of marriage, the possibility is not a prominent feature. Usually in dating, people are just getting to know each other. While the separation between the two should not be drawn too sharply, there is an important value in making the distinction. It is important to note at this time also that: “Dating is not sex. Sex is frequently associated with dating, but the two are not synonymous. Many people have dating relationships in which they do not have sex. Some people have sex with a person that they do not or will not date. This obvious distinction needs to be made, because when people condemn dating, they often are in fact condemning premarital sex. An opposition to the latter does not mean an opposition to the former. Catholicism stands against pre-marital sex but this is not a stand against dating.” Dating is a good and important way to get to know another person, how they think, what they like, what they believe and see if that fits with our own view of the world, life, religion and family. It allows us to see if there is another person that can share our path with us, and to decide if marriage is a sacrament we can enter into.

2. Definitions: (Matching) Place the letter beside the definition in the space beside the corresponding term. (Look ‘em up ☺)(SUBMIT) Letter

Term

Definitions

Chastity C

A. Faithfulness to a person, cause, or belief, demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support.

Abstinence E

B. Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse.

Fidelity

Adultery

Sexuality

C. The state or practice of refraining from extramarital, or especially from all, sexual intercourse. A vow can be taken.

A

D. A capacity for sexual feelings. A person's sexual orientation or preference. Sexual activity.

B

D

E. The fact or practice of restraining or oneself or abstaining from indulging in something, from any consumption to sexual activity.

3. Videos Here are some fun videos to introduce our topic of dating & what it is and/or should be about. Video #1 in the video you see some young people who talk and try to get to know one another without looking at each other first. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcA3QhL5SAc Video #2 is on the four types of love. We have already covered this topic in a previous lesson, watch and enjoy the video to refresh what we have already learned. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slyevQ1LW7A QUESTIONS: AFTER WATCHING THE VIDEOS ANSWER THE FOLLOWING REFLECTION QUESTIONS

• • • •

1. Why do you think the people in this video choose to do this experiment? _ They chose to do this experiment to try something new about dating. ______________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ 2. What is the conventional or traditional order in dating? The conventional order in dating is using social media to connect with people.________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______ 3. What normally attracts us to others? Looks normally attract us. ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ 4. Is it right to judge people by their appearances? It is not right to judge people by their appearances.___________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ___________ 5. What do people assume about you? People assume various habits about me. ______________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ 6. Is it a good idea to lead into dating based on appearances and assumptions? It is not. ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ What are the 4 kinds of love? Storge – empathy bond. Philia – friend bond. Eros – romantic love. Agape – unconditional "God" love. 7. ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ 8. Why is love and its many expressions here on earth so important? What do they lead us to learn? They lead us to learn about the harships of life. ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________

9. What are Christ’s 2 most important commandments? 1. Do to others what you would want them to do to you." 2.Love your neighbor as yourself

______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ 10. How do you think the loves we can develop in relationships here on earth connect to and are important in the sacrament of marriage? ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________

4. Marriage as a Sacrament (Read, reflect & research) Marriage in the Catholic Church, also called matrimony, is the "covenant by which a man and woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life and which is ordered by its nature to the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring", and which "has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament between the baptized." According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, marriage is defined as:

ARTICLE 7 THE SACRAMENT OF MATRIMONY 1601 "The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament."84 Marriage in the eyes of the Catholic Church is a vocation & a calling. It is not to be entered into lightly as it is a commitment or a covenant between a man a woman and God. It is a bond that is intended to last for life. Read the following section from the CCC and reflect upon what they are saying. (See guiding questions below) Marriage in the order of creation 1603 "The intimate community of life and love which constitutes the married state has been established by the Creator and endowed by him with its own proper laws. . . . God himself is the author of marriage."87 The vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator. Marriage is not a purely human institution despite the many variations it may have undergone through the centuries in different cultures, social structures, and spiritual attitudes. These differences should not cause us to forget its common and permanent characteristics. Although the dignity of this institution is not transparent everywhere with the same clarity,88 some sense of the greatness of the matrimonial union exists in all cultures. "The well-being of the individual person and of both

human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life."89 1604 God who created man out of love also calls him to love the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. For man is created in the image and likeness of God who is himself love.90 Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man. It is good, very good, in the Creator's eyes. And this love which God blesses is intended to be fruitful and to be realized in the common work of watching over creation: "And God blessed them, and God said to them: 'Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it.'"91

1605 Holy Scripture affirms that man and woman were created for one another: "It is not good that the man should be alone."92 The woman, "flesh of his flesh," his equal, his nearest in all things, is given to him by God as a "helpmate"; she thus represents God from whom comes our help.93 "Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh."94 The Lord himself shows that this signifies an unbreakable union of their two lives by recalling what the plan of the Creator had been "in the beginning": "So they are no longer two, but one flesh."95

5. FAMILY LIFE, PROCREATION AND SEXUALITY THIS LAST SECTION IS REALLY AN EXTENTION OF THE LAST ONE. We will begin with the CCC again & the commandments… back to basics. In the end of this unit there are so many concepts we have covered before: Morality, the common good, healthy relationships, the pressures of the modern world on sexuality, dating and eventually the Sacrament of marriage. The Catholic Church sees sexuality and sexual expression a very natural and beautiful expression of love within the sacrament of marriage. As we read earlier in the “History of Dating” – there are many things that constantly evolve and change. As Christians we are called to remember both the commandments and sacraments and in doing so… hold sacred our bodies, our sexuality & honour our commitments to ourselves and each other. Where we can look at abstinence and chastity as our self respect & commitment to God and ourselves and understand the importance of those values along with fidelity and avoiding adultery, for the betterment of our souls and the growth of the Kingdom of God here on earth. Read through the following and complete the reflection & activity on family and relationships.

You have heard that it was said, "You shall not commit adultery." But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.114 2331 "God is love and in himself he lives a mystery of personal loving communion. Creating the human race in his own image . . .. God inscribed in the humanity of man and woman the vocation, and thus the capacity and responsibility, of love and communion."115

"God created man in his own image . . . male and female he created them";116 He blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and multiply";117 "When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. Male and female he created them, and he blessed them and named them Man when they were created."118 2332 Sexuality affects all aspects of the human person in the unity of his body and soul. It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity to love and to procreate, and in a more general way the aptitude for forming bonds of communion with others. 2333 Everyone, man and woman, should acknowledge and accept his sexual identity. Physical, moral, and spiritual difference and complementarity are oriented toward the goods of marriage and the flourishing of family life. The harmony of the couple and of society depends in part on the way in which the complementarity, needs, and mutual support between the sexes are lived out. 2335 Each of the two sexes is an image of the power and tenderness of God, with equal dignity though in a different way. The union of man and woman in marriage is a way of imitating in the flesh the Creator's generosity and fecundity: "Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh."121 All human generations proceed from this union.122 2336 Jesus came to restore creation to the purity of its origins. In the Sermon on the Mount, he interprets God's plan strictly: "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."123 What God has joined together, let not man put asunder.124 The tradition of the Church has understood the sixth commandment as encompassing the whole of human sexuality. 2337 Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the ...