Philosophy of Love, Sex, and Marriage PDF

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Philosophy of Love, Sex, and Marriage How is love different from lust or infatuation? Do love and marriage really go together “like a horse and carriage”? Does sex have any necessary connection to either? And how important are love, sex, and marriage to a well-lived life? In this lively, lucid, and...

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Philosophy of Love, Sex, and Marriage

How is love different from lust or infatuation? Do love and marriage really go together “like a horse and carriage”? Does sex have any necessary connection to either? And how important are love, sex, and marriage to a well-lived life? In this lively, lucid, and comprehensive textbook, Raja Halwani pursues the philosophical questions inherent in these three important aspects of human relationships, exploring the nature, uses, and ethics of romantic love, sexuality, and marriage. The book is structured in three sections: Love begins by examining how romantic love differs from other types of love, such as friendship and parental love. It asks which properties of love are essential, whether people have a choice in whom they love, and whether lovers have moral obligations to one another that differ from those they owe to others. Sex demonstrates the difficulty in defining sex and the sexual, and examines what constitutes good and bad sex in terms of pleasure, “naturalness,” and moral permissibility. It offers theoretical and applied ethical approaches to a wide range of sexual phenomena. Marriage traces the history of the institution, and describes the various forms in which marriage exists and the reasons why people marry. It also surveys accounts of why people should or should not marry, and introduces the main arguments for and against gay marriage. Features include:

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suggestions for further reading online eResource site with downloadable discussion questions a clear, jargon-free writing style.

Raja Halwani is Professor of Philosophy at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. He is the author of Virtuous Liaisons: Care, Love, Sex, and Virtue Ethics, the editor of Sex and Ethics: Essays on Sexuality, Virtue, and the Good Life, and the co-author (with Tomis Kapitan) of The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict: Philosophical Essays on Self-Determination, Terrorism, and the One-State Solution.

Philosophy of Love, Sex, and Marriage An Introduction

Raja Halwani

First published 2010 by Routledge 270 Madison Avenue, New York, NY 10016 Simultaneously published in the UK by Routledge 2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business This edition published in the Taylor & Francis e-Library, 2010. To purchase your own copy of this or any of Taylor & Francis or Routledge’s collection of thousands of eBooks please go to www.eBookstore.tandf.co.uk.

© 2010 Taylor & Francis All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilized in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers. Trademark Notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe. Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data Halwani, Raja. Philosophy of love, sex, and marriage: an introduction / Raja Halwani. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. 1. Love–Philosophy. 2. Sex–Philosophy. 3. Marriage. I. Title. BD436.H257 2010 128´.46–dc22 2009036402 ISBN 0-203-85636-8 Master e-book ISBN

ISBN 10: 0-415-99350-4 (hbk) ISBN 10: 0-415-99351-2 (pbk) ISBN 10: 0-203-85636-8 (ebk) ISBN 13: 978-0-415-99350-0 (hbk) ISBN 13: 978-0-415-99351-7 (pbk) ISBN 13: 978-0-203-85636-9 (ebk) Please visit the book’s companion website for discussion questions: http://www.routledge.com/eresources/9780415993517

Contents

Acknowledgments

viii

Introduction

1

PART I

Love 1 What Is Love?

5 7

Three Types of Love 7 Characterizing Romantic Love 9 Romantic Love as an Emotion 12 Generally Necessary Features of Romantic Love 18 Romantic Love and Infatuation 24 Summary 27 Notes 28 Further Reading 28 2 Romantic Love Aristophanes on Union 29 Nozick, Soble, and Solomon on Union 32 Romantic Love and Robust Concern 39 Sex and the Durability of Romantic Love 48 Summary and Conclusion 55 Notes 56 Further Reading 56

29

vi

Contents

3 The Basis of Romantic Love

57

Socrates’s Speech in Praise of Love 57 Loving for Reasons 60 What Do We Love? Properties of the Beloved 77 Different Types of Properties and Love’s Durability and Depth 82 Summary 87 Notes 88 Further Reading 88 4 Love and Morality

89

Love and Morality 89 Moral Restrictions on Love 102 The Prudentiality of Love 111 Summary and Conclusion 119 Notes 120 Further Reading 120 PART II

Sex

121

5 What Is Sex?

123

Defining Sexual Acts 123 Defining Sexual Desire 130 Defining Sexual Pleasure 135 Casual Sex, Adultery, and Prostitution 139 Notes 151 Further Reading 152 6 Sex, Pleasure, and Morality

153

Sexual Pleasure and Other Values of Sex Acts 153 Consequentialism and Sex 161 Virtues, Vices, and Sex 177 Summary and Conclusion 184 Notes 185 Further Reading 185 7 Sexual Objectification What Is Sexual Objectification? 186 What Is Morally Wrong with Sexual Objectification? 189 Nussbaum on Objectification 194

186

Contents vii Soble on Objectification 197 Kant and Objectification 200 Women and Pornography 210 Summary and Conclusion 224 Notes 225 Further Reading 226 8 Sexual Perversion and Fantasy

227

Sexual Perversion 227 Fantasy 250 Notes 255 Further Reading 255 PART III

Marriage 9 What Is Marriage?

257 259

Defining Marriage 259 Monogamy 264 Notes 274 Further Reading 274 10 Controversies over Same-Sex Marriage

275

Preliminaries 275 The Natural Law Tradition 276 The Slippery-Slope Argument 284 The “Undermining Marriage” Argument 293 Richard Mohr’s Argument for Same-Sex Marriage 294 Cheshire Calhoun’s Argument for Same-Sex Marriage 297 Claudia Card’s Argument against Same-Sex Marriage 300 The Assimilation and Cultural Injustice Arguments against Same-Sex Marriage 305 The Political Question 310 Conclusion 312 Notes 312 Further Reading 313 Concluding Remarks

314

Bibliography Index

316 327

Acknowledgments

I wish to thank the previous philosophy editor at Routledge, Kate Ahl, for asking me to write this book and for her encouragement and support, and the current philosophy editor, Andrew Beck, for his help, patience, and support. My thanks also go to two anonymous referees for their extensive and insightful comments on an earlier draft. Thanks to Alan Soble for virtually creating the field of the philosophy of love, sex, and marriage and making it respectable. My intellectual debt to him is enormous. I thank all my students at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago who took my philosophy of sex and love course over the years and helped me become a better philosopher. I thank all my friends and colleagues from whom I have benefited immensely over the years in discussing with me the topics of this book, especially Barbara DeGenevieve and Steven Jones. Special thanks to Steven also for comments on some chapters and for designing the book cover. My debt to him is immense.

Introduction

Philosophy is a reflective, higher level field: it seeks to answer questions about other fields and human practices. Moral philosophy, for example, raises questions about ethical human conduct, seeking to find out what are right and wrong actions, good and bad characters, and good and bad policies and institutions. Philosophy of art raises questions about the practice, evaluation, and definition of art. The same is true of the philosophy of love, sex, and marriage. The value of philosophy, however, does not lie only in the answers to the questions it raises. Indeed, because most philosophical questions are still unanswered, philosophy’s value lies mostly in its method. Philosophical thinking is rigorous, analytical, and systematic (at least ideally!). On our way to answering the “big” questions, we philosophers often answer smaller ones and clarify our thinking about the issues involved. People who practice and study philosophy often become clearer thinkers, seeing distinctions and problems that others do not. Like other fields in philosophy, the issues involved in philosophizing about love, sex, and marriage fall into two groups: conceptual and evaluative. The first are concerned with defining and clarifying concepts, the second with assessing whether particular actions and practices are good or bad, in the moral sense, but also in other senses (e.g., aesthetic). Some of the main conceptual issues found in the philosophy of love, sex, and marriage are the following. (1) What is the nature of love and romantic love specifically? Does romantic love differ in important ways from other types of love, such as love between parent and child and love between friends or siblings? Is romantic love an emotion similar to others, like hate, compassion, envy, and anger, or is it something else altogether, like a desire or attitude? Does romantic love have some properties essential to it – is it exclusive or constant by its nature? Does it involve concern for the beloved, and is the concern ultimately selfish, rebounding to the benefit of the lover? Is romantic love based on reasons or is it – like Christian love – based on no reasons? And would a romantic love based on reasons make it more constant, more exclusive, or, generally, a better kind of love than if it were not based on reasons? (2) Can we define sex and sexual activity? Why is the same behavior in one context sexual but in another context non-sexual? Can we define other, more specific sexual practices and actions, such as adultery, casual sex, prostitution, cyber-sex, and promiscuity?

2

Introduction

Is there such a thing as perverted sex or sexual perversion? How do we define them? (3) Can we define marriage? Is it true, as some say, that it is confined to one man and one woman, or could it be defined to include more than one spouse or spouses of the same gender or sex? Does marriage have a purpose (or a few purposes) that is universal, not bound to culture and time? Is marriage a completely social institution or is it part of our human “nature”? Some of the main evaluative issues found in the philosophy of love, sex, and marriage are the following. (1) Is romantic love immune from moral evaluation and criticism, or are lovers bound by the dictates of morality in their relationship to each other and to other people? Do people have a moral responsibility to fall in love responsibly? Should people love others for particular reasons but not others, and are some cases of romantic love better than others because of the reasons on which they are based? What do the main moral theories, such as Kantian ethics, consequentialism, and virtue ethics, have to say about romantic love? Is romantic love necessary or needed for someone to lead a good, flourishing life? If romantic love brings lovers not only happiness but also pain and suffering, is it prudent to fall in love? (2) What is good sex and what is bad sex? What are the different criteria (morality, naturalness, and pleasure) we can use to evaluate sex? What do the main moral theories have to say about sexual acts and particular sexual practices, such as adultery, casual sex, and prostitution? What role do the virtues and vices play in the evaluation of sexual acts and sexual desires? What does sexual fantasy tell us about people’s moral characters? What is sexual objectification? Does sexual desire by its very nature objectify people? Does it objectify women more than men? Is leading a life revolving around sex compatible with human dignity? How much importance should people give sex in their lives? (3) Should marriage be confined to only two spouses? Is there anything wrong with polygamous or polyamorous marriages, and are they even better than marriages between only two people? Should marriage involve only spouses of the opposite sex or may it also involve same-sex ones? Why should same-sex couples not be allowed to marry? Why should they be allowed to marry? How important is marriage to our lives? Is it even a bad institution we should abolish? These are the main issues addressed in this book. My hope is that reflecting on them not only clarifies our thinking, but also affects our values, orienting us to make changes in our actions and lives, so that we treat others more justly, think of them more openly, and place the proper values on love, sex, and marriage. This book is written in what I hope is an accessible style, helpful to undergraduate students and those new to philosophy. I have attempted to cover most of the topics in the areas of love, sex, and marriage, but have left some out, opting for a more detailed treatment of the topics I do discuss. In the “Questions for Discussion” sections that accompany each chapter (found on Routledge’s website), I raise questions about the topics I do not cover. My approach is twofold. First, I offer arguments and conclusions for those issues on which I have more or less firm opinions, leaving it, of course, to the

Introduction 3 reader to decide whether the arguments are convincing. Second, I discuss the main arguments for and against those issues about which I have no firm views of my own, leaving it, again, to the reader to decide. Both approaches delve into the issues in some detail so that the reader can form a fuller picture of the ideas, arguments, and positions involved. Sometimes I involve other fields in philosophy, such as ethics, philosophy of art, and metaphysics – an unavoidable task because they are connected to the philosophical issues in love, sex, and marriage. Besides, these different fields provide the reader with additional areas to stimulate his or her thinking. Because this is an introductory book, the reader ought to consult the books (including anthologies) and essays that have been published in this area for a more detailed study of the topics. At the end of each chapter I provide a “Further Reading” section (except for references worth emphasizing, I do not re-list works cited either in the body of the book or the endnotes). I use the following abbreviations in the bibliography for frequently cited books: Eros, Agape, and Philia: Readings in the Philosophy of Love, ed. A. Soble. NewYork: Paragon House, 1989. PEL: The Philosophy of (Erotic) Love, ed. R. Solomon and K. Higgins. Lawrence, Kans.: University Press of Kansas, 1991. POS2: The Philosophy of Sex: Contemporary Readings, 2nd ed., ed. A. Soble. Savage, Md.: Rowman & Littlefield, 1981. POS3: The Philosophy of Sex: Contemporary Readings, 3rd ed., ed. A. Soble. Lanham, Md.: Rowman & Littlefield, 1997. POS4: The Philosophy of Sex: Contemporary Readings, 4th ed., ed. A. Soble. Lanham, Md.: Rowman & Littlefield, 2003. POS5: The Philosophy of Sex: Contemporary Readings, 5th ed., ed. A. Soble and N. Power. Lanham, Md.: Rowman & Littlefield, 2008. PS2: Philosophy and Sex, 2nd ed., ed. R. Baker and F. Elliston. Buffalo, N.Y.: Prometheus Books, 1984. PS3: Philosophy and Sex, 3rd ed., ed. R. Baker, K. Wininger, and F. Elliston. Buffalo, N.Y.: Prometheus Books, 1998. SE: Sex and Ethics: Essays on Sexuality, Virtue, and the Good Life, ed. R. Halwani. Basingstoke: Palgrave Macmillan, 2007. SPP1: Sex from Plato to Paglia: A Philosophical Encyclopedia, vol. 1, ed. A. Soble. Westport, Conn.: Greenwood Press, 2006. SPP2: Sex from Plato to Paglia: A Philosophical Encyclopedia, vol. 2, ed. A. Soble. Westport, Conn.: Greenwood Press, 2006. SS: Same Sex: Debating the Ethics, Science, and Culture of Homosexuality, ed. J. Corvino. Lanham, Md.: Rowman & Littlefield, 1997. SSM: Same-Sex Marriage, Pro and Con: A Reader, ed. A. Sullivan. New York: Vintage Books, 1997. EAP:

Part I

Love

1

What Is Love?

The things we love are diverse. We love inanimate objects: comic books, books, art, astronomy, mathematics, human bodies, wine, beer, fried chicken, fine food, our (and other) countries, national anthems, songs, wisdom, virtue, philosophy, architecture, and nature. We love activities: reading books, contemplating and making art, watching the stars, solving geometry problems, having sex, drinking alcohol, eating, serving our countries, singing, doing philosophy, designing buildings, and hiking, camping, and mountain climbing. We love animate things: cats, dogs, horses, cedar trees, beluga whales, daffodils, God, the gods, and, of course, people, whom we love in different ways, forming different types of love: we love some romantically; others we love as friends or as brothers and sisters; yet others we love as our children, and some claim to love the entire human race. We call all these “love.” But we also form feelings for and attitudes toward other people that resemble love but are not the same (and sometimes people confuse them for the “real thing”): we respect some people, we admire others; we have crushes on some, and we are infatuated with others. Sometimes we just sexually desire others. When the confusion sets in, we also call them “love.” Do all these types of love have something in common so that we call them all “love”? If there is no common thing, why do we call them all “love”? One philosopher argues that they all involve valuation; if we love something, no matter what it is (human, animal, object), we must value it in some way (Brentlinger 1989). Another claims that what is common is that “your own well-being is tied up with that of someone (or something) you love” (Nozick 1991, 417). Other philosophers are not hopeful of finding love’s common denominator, because even if it exists, it should explain to us “why a case or type of love is love” (Soble 1998, 115). If this common denominator exists at all, it might prove easier to find if we focus only on love and relationships between people.

Three Types of Love Philosophers classify love between people into three types, sometimes using the Greek terms eros, philia, and agape to refer to them. Eros refers to sexual love; we can also call it “erotic love,” “passionate love,” or “romantic love.”

8

Love

Philia usually refers to friendship love, which includes friendships and any friendship-like love, such as that between siblings, colleagues and co-workers, parents and children, and even husband and wife (depending on the type of marriage they have and at which stage it is). Agape (caritas in Latin) is different because it is not based on the qualities of the beloved. Whereas in eros or philia we (supposedly) love others because of who they are or what qualities they have (e.g., “he is my son,” “she has a beautiful mind”), with agape we love others gratuitously; it is a love that “does not depend on our own attraction” (Lewis 1960, 182), the kind, for example, that the Christian God is said to have for His children. Do these types of love have something in common? Concern for the beloved immediately comes to mind. Whether we love romantically, in a friendshiplike way, or agapically, surely the lover is concerned for the happiness, wellbeing, or flourishing of the beloved (“happiness” for short)? But as plausible as this suggestion sounds, it faces difficulties. First, consider the love that very young children have for their parents. To claim that toddlers are concerned for the happiness of their parents is implausible. Prior to...