Chapter 13 Dissolution and Loss in Relationships PDF

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Chapter 13 Dissolution and Loss in Relationships...

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Demographics of Divorce ● Frequency ○ Average is 50% ■ Differs by first vs. remarriage ■ Lower rates among college graduates & more recent cohorts ○ When does divorce occur? ■ Factors ● Cohabitation ● Education ● Income ● Ethnicity ● Religion ● personality ● Attachment style ● Genetics ● Societal ○ Cultural norms/attitudes ■ Lower stigma, less likely ■ No-fault divorce? ○ Economic dependence of women ○ Social mobility ○ Sex ratio: higher divorce rates when ratio low ● Life-course ○ Intergenerational transmission ■ Buffering effect of choosing emotionally supportive partner ○ Age at first marriage ○ Length of courtship ○ Premarital childbearing ● Family characteristics ○ Marital happiness(sort of) ○ quality/quantity of marital interactions (positivity, time spent together) ○ Presence of children vs. stepchildren ○ Child characteristics ○ Stressful life events ○ Marital issues (drugs/alcohol, infidelity, sexual

dissatisfaction) ■ Relational Context: intimate environment couples create between themselves through perception

Levinger’s Barrier Model ● Interdependency and divorce ○ Attraction: rewards vs. costs ○ Alternatives: could include career success, singlehood ○ Barriers: what prevents you from leaving? ● Other models ○ Enduring dynamics/vulnerabilities ■ Seeds sown before ever marry and grow ■ Couples vary in ability to adapt to stressful events ○ Emergent distress ■ Marry, then some fall into bad habits ○ Disillusionment ■ Overly idealistic have furthest to fall ○ Marital instability model ■ Influenced by enduring vulnerabilities, adaptive processes, and stressful events

Why Do Relationships End? ● ● ● ● ● ●

Autonomy Similarity Supportiveness Openness Fidelity Togetherness

● Equity ● Magic

Stages of Dissolution ● Personal phase: dissatisfaction, frustration ● Dyadic phase: reveal discontent ● Social phase: publicize distress to friends/family ● Grave-dressing phase: mourning decreases, put past behind them ● Resurrection phase: re-enter social life as singles

Approaches to Ending Relationship ● Direct vs. indirect ○ Indirect: without ever saying so ● Self-oriented vs. other-oriented ● Individual vs. shared desire to end ● Gradual vs. sudden onset ● Rapid vs. prolonged exit ● Presence vs. absence of repair attempts

Types of Separation ● Physical ● Legal ● Financial ● Emotional

Outcomes of Divorce ● Factors for predicting adjustment ○ Initiators vs. non-initiators ○ Attachment ○ Economic influences ○ Social networks ○ Legal process ● People predict more/longer initial pain than actual ● Coping styles ○ Defeated ○ Good-enoughs ○ Swingers ○ Seekers ○ Competent loners ○ Enhanced ● Postmarital co parenting relationships ○ Fiery foes: bitterness, constant odds, little capacity to coparent ○ Angry associates: disrespect, some capability to coparent ○ Cooperative colleagues: civil and pleasant to cooperate ○ Perfect pals: strong friendship w/ mutual respect ○ Dissolved duos

Outcomes for children ● Adjustment ○ Pathogenic model ○ Social address model ○ Ecological approaches ■ Parental loss model ● Parental stress model: quality of parenting is key and prone to stressors in parent’s life ○ Stress spillover: bring bad moods home and act rashly ■ Economic hardship model ■ Parental conflict model ● Short-term consequences ○ 1-2 years to adjust to changes/routines ○ Boys have harder time than girls ● Long-term consequences ○ Individual factors ■ Age ■ Sex ■ Custodial parent sex ■ Temperament ■ Genetics ○ Family process factors ■ Interparental relationships ■ Custodial parenting style ■ Relationship w/ non-custodial parent

Loss & Grief ● Kubler-Ross’s 5 Stages ○ Shock and denial ○ Anger ○ Bargaining ○ Depression ○ Acceptance ● Who is it for? Is it linear? Is there ever really “closure”? ● Degree of grief=reflection of attachment

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○ Bond usually persists after death What to expect ○ Life will be different ○ Might be with you longer than you like and last in various forms for life ○ Don’t respond to loss in same way as others Feelings ○ Grief: overwhelming sadness. ○ Anger: anger at the person for dying; increased irritability ○ Abandonment:no goodbye ○ Frustration: that you couldn’t prevent ○ Remorse and guilt: guilt related to feeling good (even momentarily) if you think you are supposed to continually feel bad ○ Anxiety/Panic: something similar could happen to you or loved one ○ Confusion: inability to answer the questions about life/death ○ Embarrassment: feeling uncomfortable with display of grief ○ Denial: denial of feelings about your loss or loss itself ○ Numbness How to deal ○ Validate own feelings ○ Talk to others ○ Listen to others ○ Write down thoughts ○ Accept others help ○ Allow yourself to cry ○ Identify unfinished business ○ Join bereavement group ○ Celebrate their life ○ Celebrate your life When to get help ○ Persistent feelings ○ Disturbing images ○ alcohol/drug use increased ○ Reactions get in way of school, work, or relationships ○ depression/hopelessness...