Drive through marriage ceremony PDF

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Drive -Through Marriage Ceremony

Claremont School of Theology, California, USA

Facilitating Islamic Life Cycle Rituals (BSC 3130)

December 14, 2018

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Instructions The final project is to come up with a flow chart for the major steps that you (as a chaplain/Imam) will take in dealing with any case that may arise. After having illustrated the flow chart, students should apply this flow chart to one or two cases (either ones that you have personally experienced or a practical case scenario). You do not HAVE to do any number of cases - even one would be sufficient, but please be thorough in your assessments and in navigating the scenario through your flow chart.

First Scenario

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Two students (Mr. Taylor Bush and Miss Michelle Jones) at the University of Texas, San Antonio (UTSA) approached the University Chaplain, Mr. John Baker. These two individuals are requesting from the Chaplain to conduct urgent wedding ceremony for them. The bride and the groom are both adults. Both of them claimed that they don’t need the consent of their parents for their decision to get married. As a Chaplain, how would you handle this case study?

Second Scenario

Two adults (a male, Mr. Daniel Jackson and a transgender, Mr. Mendez Christopher) at the University of Houston approached the University Chaplain, Mr. Frank Louis, to seek for marriage solemnization. You as a Chaplain, how would you tackle this scenario?

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In this flow chart, I am going to itemize a step- by- step conversation that could properly occur in each of the case scenarios.

1st scenario Chart Procedures Taylor Bush:

Good afternoon sir.

Chaplain:

Good afternoon. How are you doing today?

The two students:

Fine, thank you, sir.

Chaplain:

Please, have a seat.

Michelle and Taylor: Thank you, sir Chaplain:

How may I help you?

Taylor:

I understand you are the Chaplain here on this campus.

Chaplain:

Yes, I am.

Taylor:

Oh, beautiful! Beautiful! Sir, my name is Taylor Bush, and I am from Lebanon. I am a student on this campus in the Business Administration Department. And, this is my fiancée. Her name is Michelle Jones. She is also a student at this same institution from the Department of Information Technology. Basically, we are here to solicit for your spiritual support. We are planning to get married and we would be very happy if you can conduct the marriage ceremony for us.

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Chaplain:

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Emm, thank you for coming Taylor Bush and Michelle Jones. I believe I hear you saying both of you are planning to get married. Am I right, Mr. Taylor?

Taylor:

Yes, sir, absolutely!

Chaplain:

Is that so, Michelle?

Michelle:

Yes, sir.

Chaplain:

Alright. Congratulations to you, Taylor; and congratulation to you, too, Michelle

Michelle and Taylor: Thank you, sir. Chaplain:

I would like to know what, exactly, brought you to the Chaplain’s office, today, with this good news.

Taylor:

Yeah, basically, we are trying to receive the blessings from God. We want God Almighty to use you to bless the marriage for us.

Chaplain:

Okay, so, I hear in your statement that God is important in your life.

Taylor:

Yes, sir, that is correct.

Chaplain:

Michelle, is that your belief, too?

Michelle:

Yes, sir.

Chaplain:

Emm. Let me ask you few questions, if you don’t mind.

Taylor:

Please go ahead, sir.

Chaplain:

Are you both currently students here, on this campus?

Taylor:

Yes, sir. I am a Senior in the Department of Business Administration, and my wife is a Sophomore in the Department of Information Technology.

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Chaplain:

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Okay, you are in your final year. That sounds good, and you said that Michelle has two more years to graduate.

Taylor:

Exactly.

Chaplain:

So, how old are you?

Taylor:

Twenty-five years-old.

Chaplain:

And, how old are you, Michelle?

Michelle:

Twenty-two years-old.

Chaplain:

Alright, tell me something. While attending school on this campus for four years, you have been dating for two years. Why is it that today is the day you have chosen to come to my office? How soon are you planning to get this out of the way?

Taylor:

Hmmm. Yes, like I said, we have been dating for two years. We have tried to learn about each other. Right now, I am really convinced that this is my partner that God has chosen for me. She loves me so much; and I do care for her as well. Emm, Michelle, do you want to say something about our loving relationship?

Michelle:

Remains silent.

Taylor:

She is very shy. She is a reserved person and very quiet, indeed.

Chaplain:

Obviously, you love her very much; and I belief she loves you, too. Do you assume that she loves you to the same degree you love her? I think it will be good to hear from her on that matter.

Michelle:

Yes, I do.

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Chaplain:

Are you both from the same country?

Taylor:

I am from Lebanon, and she is from Jamaica

Chaplain:

So, both of you are international students?

Michelle and Taylor: Yes, sir. Chaplain:

Welcome to our city and to the United States.

Michelle and Taylor: Thanks. Chaplain:

Have you been married before?

Taylor:

No, sir, not at all.

Chaplain:

What about you, Michelle?

Michelle:

No, sir.

Chaplain:

Do each of you have a faith tradition that you belong to? Do you go to Church or Mosque or Synagogue? To which community do you belong? Do you have any relationships with any local congregations or organization here in the United States?

Taylor:

Yeah, I am a Muslim. I do worship regularly at the MAS Katy Community Center. I also say my prayers in the school chapel while on campus. I am very active in the Muslim Students Association (MSA). I am also a member of the Islamic Society of Greater Houston (ISGH). My wife is a Christian. She attends Church services regularly as well at the Methodist Church of Christ, in Katy, Texas. She is a member of the choir at the Church. We are both active in our faith traditions.

Chaplain:

Oh, I see. You are a Muslim, and Michelle is a Christian.

Michelle and Taylor: Yes, sir.

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Chaplain:

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Tell me how that works out well with you in this relationship? From what I am hearing, both of you have different commitments in your faith traditions.

Taylor:

We have been getting along pretty well for two years now. This won’t make any different at all in our marriage.

Chaplain:

Tell me, how do you plan to raise your kids? Whose footsteps do you think they will follow or which religion will they adopt?

Taylor:

We shall try as much as possible to raise our kids with good moral character. We shall raise them in the way of God. We shall inculcate in them love for humanity, regardless of color, race, tribe or religion. So, when they grow up, when they become of age, we shall let them decide which faith they want to choose.

Chaplain:

Okay, what you are telling me now is that differences in religion will not be a problem in this relationship.

Taylor:

Absolutely.

Chaplain:

How much do you know about Michelle’s culture? Have you met with her parents before? How confident are you that her parents will accept you to marry their daughter?

Taylor:

Sir, as I told you earlier, I am twenty-five years old, and Michelle is twenty-two years of age. We don’t want to involve our parents in this relationship. I am old enough to know what is good for me. After all, this is my life.

Chaplain:

Michelle, do you also know Taylor’s relatives?

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Michelle:

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My father is a liberal person. I am his second child. When my older sister got married, three years ago, I was still in Jamaica, then. No one of my family knew anything about her wedding plans, and it did not raise any question at all. There was no any objection from anyone in our family. So, my family is satisfied, and I know Taylor’s family is civilized, too.

Chaplain:

Wow, Michelle, I am happy that you have spoken your mind. Thank you for sharing a little information about your family. I wish your older sister a happy married life. I also wish you and Taylor a successful married life, too.

Taylor and Michelle: Amen, and thanks! Chaplain:

You see, Michelle, what brought you here is because you believe in the power of God. You want God to be part of this relationship. It will also be a nice thing for you to comply with God’s rules and regulations, so that He can lay His Holy hand on both of you as you transition from being single to being married.

Taylor:

We really want God to be with us, on this journey.

Chaplain:

Okay, fine. God Almighty says in the Holy Qur’an, chapter 4 verse 25 “...Marry women with the permission of their father and give them their fair dowry so that they may live a decent life in wedlock and not live as prostitutes or look for secret illicit relationships...”

Taylor:

I never knew God says anything like that in the holy Qur’an.

Chaplain:

That is why I commend you for taking these steps and seeking counsel.

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The marriage is not just a union between husband and wife alone. It is between two families. We are integrating two families to come together: so, both of your parents must express consent in this new relationship. Marriage is not intended to make enemies or to hate one another. We are integrating two families to become one. This is what marriage means in Islam. Chaplain:

So, when do you want me to conduct the wedding?

Michelle and Taylor: If possible, today. That would be lovely; or, we can do it tomorrow, at the latest. Chaplain:

Why are you in haste? How long have you been thinking about this?

Michelle and Taylor: You know. I told you we have been dating for more than two years now. Chaplain:

Oh, I see. You did say that, before. Have you obtained your marriage license from the court house?

Taylor:

This is our marriage license. Please, sir, take a look. We obtained the marriage license last week from the courthouse at the Harris County.

Chaplain:

Oh, beautiful. I can see you are truly ready.

Mr. Taylor:

Yes, indeed, we are ready. If it is possible, can we go ahead, and do the marriage ceremony right now?

Chaplain:

Hmm, No … Are your parents aware about this wedding plan?

Mr. Taylor:

Oh, come on, sir! We are adults! We are grown up. We don’t need our parents’ approval for anything. Besides, we just showed you our marriage license from the court house.

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I think we are good to go, sir. Chaplain:

At this point, I can conduct the wedding ceremony, but I cannot do it, today. I need to give you some marriage counseling. Hopefully, next week, on Saturday, by 12 noon, before the marriage ceremony can take place in a month’s time, if you will.

Taylor:

Frankly speaking, I don’t think I can hold myself any longer. I am afraid that, if we leave here, we may not even consider any religious ceremony again.

Chaplain:

I really understand your plight. I know you are feeling emotional, but you still need to be patient because, less than a month from now, both of you shall become husband and wife. After all, you have been dating for two years. It is just a matter of one month for you to receive the spiritual blessings; and I know you can hold on for a little longer.

Taylor:

Sir, you mean you cannot conduct the marriage ceremony for us today?

Chaplain:

I am so sorry. The code of conduct as dictated by the body that endorses me will not permit me to go ahead; and do any marriage ceremony without following the established procedures. Anyway, we can get started next week by taking the first step to a healthy marriage, through marriage counseling sessions that I mentioned. Then, the marriage ceremony can take place, in a month’s time, if you will.

Taylor:

Okay, sir, we hear you.

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Chaplain:

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Thank you so much for stopping by. Whatever your decision, please let me know. May the God Almighty ease your tasks. Aamen Good bye. Have a wonderful day

“Aqdu Nikah” There are four major conditions that need to be met before we can have a valid marriage in Islam. They are: 1) Offer and acceptance from the husband to the wife or vice versa; 2) Consent of the woman’s father (even if the woman is an adult, the consent of her father is still paramount); 3) A dowry or bride price (the woman asks the husband to demonstrate financial capability and responsibility); this dowry is negotiable and it can be deferred as well if the situation warrant it. 4) The presence of two witnesses from each family.

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Marriage Counseling

Finance Trust Intercourse Reconciliation External influence Prayer Protection Perseverance Head and Neck

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Finance God Almighty says in the holy Qur’an, chapter 4 verses 34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because God Almighty has given men more (strength) than the women and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard.

Finance is one of the issues that causes divorce. In order words, you have to make a plan on how to assist one another financially. House rent, utility bills, phone bills, groceries and other expenses are to be financed together in a mutual agreement.

Sexual Intercourse Some men are sexually active, while some women are less so, and vice-versa. Both of you need to understand one another. God said in the Holy Scripture, 1st Corinthian, chapter 7 verses 1-4

"It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." 2But since sexual immorality is occurring; each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Also, the holy Qur’an, chapter 2 verse 223 says: “Your wives are like a garden to you. So, approach them consensually as you please. And exercise some foreplay for yourselves. Be mindful of your Lord and know that you will meet Him and give good news to the believers.”

Michelle:

Chaplain, I heard what the scriptures say and I also understand your explanation as well. What if I am not in the mood?

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Chaplain:

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That is why you always need to reach consensus, not only on this matter alone. You need to reach an agreement on every matter. If you are not in the mood, as you have said, just tell your husband you will make it up some other time. Taylor, I know you are listening. In light of this discussion, you need to bear with your fiancée. Since she said she will make it up some other time, let it be. Communication and understanding are key factors in marriage. You don’t have to fight over this matter. Believers don’t fight; they try to resolve issue amicably

Trust Please have trust in one another. Don’t listen to another’s accusations without seeking clarification from your spouse. The Holy Qur’an, chapter 49 verse 6 states: “O believers, if an evildoer comes to you with any news, verify it (investigate to ascertain the truth), so that you should not harm others unintentionally and then regret what you have done.”

Head and Neck Woman should realize that her husband is the head and husband too should know that his wife is the neck. So, both of you should try to compliment for one another. God Almighty says in the holy Qur’an, chapter 4 verses 34

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because God Almighty has given men more (strength) than the women and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard”

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Prayer Family that prays together stay together. Let Allah, SWT, be the pilot of your marriage God Almighty told us in the holy Qur’an that among the quality of good believers are those that offer prayers. Chapter 25 verse 74 states: The righteous believers are those who pray: "Our Lord! Make our wives and our children to be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the righteous."

Chaplain:

With these little admonitions, I hope and pray that the mercy of Lord will abide by you at all times. Ameen

Taylor and Michelle: Aameen Chaplain:

Do you all have any questions for me?

Taylor:

No, sir. We do appreciate your time.

Chaplain:

Take these pamphlets. They will also assist you on this new journey. I would still like to meet with you one or two other times before we arrange the wedding ceremony. Next, when we meet, we shall place your parents on conference call so that we can all work together on this journey.

Taylor and Michelle: Alright sir, thank you so much for your time. We do appreciate, bye.

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Second Scenario Two adults (a male, Mr. Daniel Jackson and a transgender, Mr. Mendez Christopher) at the University of Houston approached the University Chaplain, Mr. Frank Louis, to seek for marriage solemnization. You as a Chaplain, how would you tackle this scenario? Chart Procedures Daniel:

Good afternoon, sir.

Chaplain:

Good afternoon. How are you doing, today?

Daniel:

I am well. Thank you so much for asking.

Chaplain:

Please take a seat

Daniel and Mendez: Thank you, sir. Chaplain:

How may I help you?

Daniel:

I guess you are the Chaplain here on this campus.

Chaplain:

Yes, I am. What can I do for you?

Daniel:

My name is Daniel Jackson. My partner here is Mendez Christopher. We are planning to get married, and we want you to bless the marriage for us.

Chaplain:...