Luck by Mark Twain - PRL STORIES PDF

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Luck byMarkTwain   It was at a banquet in London in honour of one of the two or three conspicuously illustriousEnglishmilitarynamesofthisgeneration.Forreasonswhichwillpresentlyappear, Iwillwithholdhisrealnameandtitles,andcallhimLieutenantGeneralLordArthurScoresby, V.C.,K.C.B.,etc.,etc.,etc.Whatafascinationthereisinarenownedname!Theresattheman, inactualflesh,whomIhadheardofsomanythousandsoftimessincethatday,thirtyyears before, when his name shot suddenly to the zenith from a Crimean battlefield, to remain forevercelebrated.Itwasfoodanddrinktometolook,andlook,andlookatthatdemigod; scanning,searching,noting:thequietness,thereserve,thenoblegravityofhiscountenance; the simple honesty that expressed itself all over him; the sweet unconsciousness of his greatness ‐ unconsciousness of the hundreds of admiring eyes fastened upon him, unconsciousness of the deep, loving, sincere worship welling out of the breasts of those peopleandflowingtowardhim.  Theclergymanatmyleftwasanoldacquaintanceofmine‐clergymannow,buthadspent thefirsthalfofhislifein thecampandfield,andas an instructorin themilitaryschoolat Woolwich.JustatthemomentIhavebeentalkingabout,aveiledandsingularlightglimmered inhiseyes,andheleaneddownandmuttered confidentiallytome‐indicatingtheheroof thebanquetwithagesture:  "Privately‐he'sanabsolutefool."  This verdict was a great surprise to me.If its subject had been Napoleon, or Socrates, or Solomon,myastonishmentcouldnothavebeengreater.TwothingsIwaswellawareof:that theReverendwasamanofstrictveracity,andthathisjudgementofmenwasgood.Therefore Iknew,beyonddoubt orquestion,that theworldwasmistakenaboutthishero:hewasa fool.SoImeanttofindout,ataconvenientmoment,howtheReverend,allsolitaryandalone, haddiscoveredthesecret.  Somedayslatertheopportunitycame,andthisiswhattheReverendtoldme.   About forty years ago I was an instructor in the military academy at Woolwich. I was presentinoneofthesectionswhenyoungScoresbyunderwenthispreliminaryexamination. I was touched to the quick with pity; for the rest of the class answered up brightly and handsomely,whilehe‐why,dearme,hedidn'tknowanything,sotospeak.Hewasevidently good,andsweet, and loveable, andguileless; andsoitwasexceedinglypainful to seehim standthere,assereneasagravenimage,anddeliverhimselfofanswerswhichwereveritably miraculousforstupidityandignorance.Allthecompassioninmewasarousedinhisbehalf.I saidtomyself,whenhe comes tobeexamined again,hewill beflungover,ofcourse;soit willbesimplyaharmlessactofcharitytoeasehisfallasmuchasIcan.Itookhimaside,and foundthatheknewalittleofCaesar'shistory;andashedidn'tknowanythingelse,Iwentto workanddrilledhimlikeagalleyslaveonacertainlineofstockquestionsconcerningCaesar which I knew would be used. If you'll believe me, he went through with flying colours on examinationday!Hewentthroughonthatpurelysuperficial"cram," andgot compliments too,whileothers,whoknewathousandtimesmorethanhe,gotplucked.Bysomestrangely

luckyaccident‐anaccidentnotlikelytohappentwiceinacentury‐hewasaskednoquestion outsideofthenarrowlimitsofhisdrill.   It was stupefying. Well, all through his course I stood by him, with something of the sentiment whicha motherfeelsforacrippledchild;andhe alwayssavedhimself‐justby miracle,apparently.  Nowof course the thing thatwould exposehim and kill him at last was mathematics.I resolvedtomakehisdeathaseasyasIcould;soIdrilledhimandcrammedhim,andcrammed himanddrilledhim,justontheline ofquestions whichthe examinerswouldbemostlikely to use, and then launching him on his fate. Well, sir, try to conceive of the result: to my consternation, he took the first prize! And with it he got a perfect ovation in the way of compliments.  Sleep? There was no more sleep for me for a week. Myconscience tortured meday and night.WhatIhaddoneIhaddonepurelythroughcharity,andonlytoeasethepooryouth's fall‐Ineverhaddreamedofanysuchpreposterousresultasthethingthathadhappened.I feltasguiltyandmiserable asthe creatorofFrankenstein.HerewasawoodenheadwhomI hadputinthewayofglitteringpromotionsandprodigiousresponsibilities,andbutonething couldhappen:heandhisresponsibilitieswouldallgotoruintogetheratthefirstopportunity.  TheCrimeanwarhadjustbrokenout.Ofcoursetherehadtobeawar,Isaidtomyself:we couldn'thavepeaceandgivethisdonkeyachancetodiebeforeheisfoundout.Iwaitedfor theearthquake.Itcame.Anditmademereelwhenitdidcome.Hewasactuallygazettedto acaptaincyinamarchingregiment!Bettermengrowoldandgreyintheservicebeforethey climbtoasublimitylikethat.Andwhocouldeverhaveforeseenthattheywouldgoandput suchaloadofresponsibilityonsuchgreenandinadequateshoulders?Icouldjustbarelyhave stoodit iftheyhadmadehima cornet;butacaptain‐think of it! Ithought my hair would turnwhite.  ConsiderwhatIdid‐Iwhosolovedreposeandinaction.Isaidtomyself,Iamresponsible tothecountryforthis,and Imustgoalongwithhimandprotect thecountryagainsthimas farasIcan.SoItookmypoorlittlecapital thatIhadsavedup throughyearsofworkand grindingeconomy,andwentwithasighandboughtacornetcyinhisregiment,andawaywe wenttothefield.  Andthere‐ohdear,itwasawful.Blunders?Why,heneverdidanythingbutblunder.But, you see, nobody was in the fellow's secret ‐ everybody had him focused wrong, and necessarilymisinterpretedhis performanceeverytime‐consequentlythey took hisidiotic blundersforinspirationsofgenius;theydid,honestly!His mildest blunderswereenoughto makeamaninhisrightmindcry;andtheydidmakemecry‐andrageandravetoo,privately. Andthethingthat keptmealwaysinasweatofapprehension wasthefactthatevery fresh blunderhemadeincreased thelustreof hisreputation!Ikept sayingtomyself,he'll getso high,thatwhendiscoverydoesfinallycome,itwillbelikethesunfallingoutofthesky.  Hewentrightalongup,fromgradetograde,overthedeadbodiesofhissuperiors,untilat last, in the hottest moment of the battle of ‐‐‐‐‐‐‐ down went our colonel, and my heart

jumpedintomymouth,forScoresbywasnextinrank!Nowforit,saidI;we'llalllandinSheol intenminutes,sure.   The battle was awfully hot; the allies were steadily giving way all over the field. Our regimentoccupiedapositionthatwasvital;ablundernowmustbedestruction.Atthiscrucial moment,whatdoesthisimmortalfooldobutdetachtheregimentfromitsplaceandordera chargeoveraneighbouringhillwheretherewasn'tasuggestionofanenemy!"Thereyougo!" Isaidtomyself;"thisistheendatlast."  And away wedid go, andwere over the shoulder of thehill before the insanemovement couldbediscoveredandstopped.Andwhatdidwefind?AnentireandunsuspectedRussian armyinreserve! And whathappened? Wewereeatenup?That isnecessarilywhatwould havehappenedinninety‐ninecasesoutofahundred.Butno,thoseRussiansarguedthatno single regiment would come browsing around there at such a time. It must be the entire Englisharmy,andthatthesly Russiangamewasdetectedand blocked;sotheyturnedtail, andawaytheywent,pell‐mell,overthehillanddownintothefield,inwildconfusion,andwe afterthem;theythemselvesbrokethesolidRussiancentreinthefield,andtorethrough,and innotimetherewasthemosttremendousroutyoueversaw,andthedefeatoftheallieswas turned into a sweeping and splendid victory! Marshal Canrobert looked on, dizzy with astonishment,admiration,anddelight;andsentrightoffforScoresby,andhuggedhim,and decoratedhimonthefield,inpresenceofallthearmies!  AndwhatwasScoresby'sblunderthattime?Merelythemistakinghisrighthandforhisleft ‐that was all. An order had come to him to fall back and support our right;andinstead,he fellforwardandwentoverthehilltotheleft.Butthenamehewonthatdayasamarvellous militarygeniusfilledtheworldwithhisglory,andthatglorywillneverfadewhilehistorybooks last.  Heisjustasgoodandsweetandloveableandunpretendingasamancanbe,buthedoesn't knowenoughtocomeinwhenitrains.Nowthat isabsolutelytrue.He isthesupremestass intheuniverse;anduntilhalfanhourago nobodyknew itbut himselfandme.Hehasbeen pursued,dayby dayandyearbyyear,byamost phenomenal andastonishing luckiness.He hasbeenashiningsoldierinallour warsfor ageneration;he haslitteredhiswholemilitary life with blunders, and yet has never committed one that didn't make him a knight or a baronetora lordorsomething.Lookathis breast;why,heisjust clothedindomestic and foreigndecorations.Well,sir,everyoneof themistherecordofsomeshouting stupidity or other;andtaken together,theyareproof thattheverybest thinginallthis worldthatcan befallamanistobebornlucky. Isayagain,as Isaidatthe banquet, Scoresby'sanabsolute fool.   ***end*** ...