Nacirema Story - just something PDF

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Zoë Friedman – ID: 2329564 2/3/19 The Nacirema: A study of systematically-driven conquest The Nacirema people serve long-term bafflement on behalf of anthropologists worldwide. Indeed, anthropologists are only solid in their understanding of the size of the Nacirema population. Once mistakenly thought to have been a "small Mayflower," recent archaeological evidence points towards the Nacirema as an abundant population with domineering force and a materialistic mindset. Massive burial grounds containing the decomposed remnants of hundreds of the Nacirema, as well as land masses littered with towering metal structures that can only have been constructed by hundreds of people, give evidence that the Nacirema were fruitful and large in number. The Nacirema's territory stretched from the Fulg of Oxixem to the flowing waters of Argian, a longitudinal distance of over 1,641 miles. The extreme square-footage within these borders suggests that the Nacirema valued the concept of "more is better" and instilled this mindset into subsequent generations to preserve, and possibly expand, their kingdom. Current anthropologists, determined to untangle the Nacirema's mysterious past and discover the secrets of their expansion, look towards the people's kinder thinker institutions. Kinder Thinkers shed light on how the Nacirema cultivated their crop kids into skilled, militaristic machines able to conquest land without mercy. Crop Kids: Early days and Parental Habits Upon exiting the womb of the female Nacirema, a crop kid would spend one to two years confined in a wooden cage much like the ones in which apes and other zoo-primates are trapped.

During this time, rentap would tend to their crop kids' biological needs and beef their offspring three to four times daily. In this ritual, rentaps measure a white potion into a steel cauldron, light a fire underneath, pour the steaming potion into a clear plastic funnel, and then smush the top of the funnel into a crop kid's mouth. This unusual white potion was manufactured in many variations. Recent archaeological digs have uncovered that powerful societal individuals used cardboard boxes with labels such as "quoin limk," "moland limk," and "ato limk," suggesting that white potions came in various flavors for the more well-off. This is additional evidence to support anthropologists' hypothesis that the Nacirema were hard to please, and higher-class individuals demanded variety. Upon reaching the age of three, crop kids hailing from wealthier clans are locked in rooms with tens of other crop kids during daytime hours. Crop kids perform a complex ritual called antibuling in which they drip a shrub into a bowl of sticky, viscous potion and then smear it onto thin slices of white tree bark. Crop kids take unusual pleasure in brushing the shrub on their own epidermis, and sometimes on others'. At this age, crop kids are also observed consuming small pieces of brown cardboard in the shapes of dangerous wild animals, such as lions and bears. These ferocious animals are undoubtedly meant to desensitize crop kids during their future conquests. After these feedings, crop kids lie on blue mats until their heart rates decrease to resting states. It is noted that for higher-class crop kids, their existence is highly uneventful, and mostly peaceful, at this stage. In contrast, lower class crop kids do not partake in scheduled feedings and are unable to achieve resting heart rates as quickly as their high-class counterparts.

From ages five to twelve, crop kids forgo their regularly scheduled feedings and sleep times. Every day, old rentaps lock crop kids in cement bomb shelters with the capacity of several hundred. No windows are present, and oxygen is scarce. Heavy brown blocks secure all exits. Crop kids are corralled in groups of 20 or less, like cattle, and trapped in these cinder block enclosures. For over eight consecutive hours, crop kids bend their bodies so that their behinds are glued to a hard metal device that limits energy expenditure. Periodically, all crop kids will abruptly stand, in unison, place their paws on their chests, and recite a verse as they worship a hanging piece of fabric. Crop kids occupy their time making scratches on tree bark with a thin wooden instrument. Clearly, wood is a recurring natural resource that the Nacirema utilize for many purposes. Crop kids desiring sleep, food, or bladder relief are forbidden from exiting the cave until a bell clangs. At the age of 14, the division between high- and low-class crop kids emerges more distinctly. High class rentaps assumed a more aggressive and nosier role in crop kids' lives. Rentaps push silver cages on wheels in public and fill these cages with items such as laculators and books with titles like, "SAT." This strange acronym has yet to be deciphered by anthropologists, but, given the extreme weight of each volume, the SAT likely represents a religious rite of passage with the goal of attaining legco, or success in the afterlife. Poorer crop kids seldom partake in this religious ritual. Our ethnography regarding crop kids' early days suggests that crop kids' trust in authority, and ability to lock themselves in a bomb shelter for hours a day while showing little-to-no resistance, has hardened them into achievement-minded and emotionally insensitive beings able to conquer and maintain large territories....