Summary Notes Chapter 10 -Interpersonal Communication and Conflict-1 PDF

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Interpersonal Communication and Conflict...

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Chapter 10 – Interpersonal Communication and Conflict After reading this chapter, you should be able to:  Define interpersonal conflict and identify some popular myths.  Explain the characteristics of interpersonal conflict.  Describe different approaches to resolve conflict and how you would resolve conflict.  Define and distinguish between the ways to manage conflict. Interpersonal Conflict •A disagreement between or among connected individuals—coworkers, close friends, lovers, or family members.  Interpersonal Conflict occurs when people: are interdependent. are mutually aware of incompatible goals. perceive each other as interfering.  The greater the interdependency: The greater the number of issues on which conflict can centre. The greater the impact of the conflict on the individuals and the relationship.

Myths About Conflict  Conflict is best avoided.  If two people experience relationship conflict, it means their relationship is in trouble.  Conflict damages an interpersonal relationship.  Conflict is destructive.  In any conflict, there has to be a winner and a loser. Characteristics of Interpersonal Conflict  Conflict is inevitable.  Conflict can centre on content and/or relationship issues.  Conflict can have positive and negative effects.  Conflict is influenced by gender, culture and technology.  The styles of conflict you use will have significant effects on your relationship. Conflict is Inevitable  Conflict is a part of every interpersonal relationship “People have approximately seven conflicts per week at work, school or home” (Benoit & Benoit, 1990). Conflict Can Centre on Content and/or Relationship Issues  Content conflict: Centred on objects, events and persons in the world that are usually external to the parties involved in the conflict.  Relationship conflict: Centred on the relationships between the individuals.  Many conflicts contain both Conflict Can Be Negative or Positive NEGATIVE  Increased regard for the other.  May lead you to close yourself off from the other person.  Costs increase and the rewards decrease. POSITIVE  Forces you to examine a problem and work toward a potential solution. 2

 May emerge stronger.  Indicates commitment and a desire to preserve the relationship. Conflict Is Influenced By Culture, Gender, and Technology Two Kinds of Conflict  Cultural orientation: Collectivist cultures Individualistic cultures  Gender differences  On-line communication Conflict is not mediated face-to-face •Content: centers on objects, events, and persons external to the parties involved •What to watch on TV •How to spend savings •Who to invite over •Relationship: concerned with the relationship between individuals •Who is in charge •The equality of a relationship •Who has the right to set rules of behaviour Online Conflict •Junk mail •Spamming •Flaming •Trolling

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Principles of Interpersonal Conflict •Conflict is inevitable—you cannot avoid it. •Interpersonal conflict can occur in computer-mediated communication as well as in face-to-face interaction. •Conflict can have positive as well as negative effects. •Conflict is heavily influenced by gender and culture. •They style of conflict you use will have significant effects on your relationship. Negative Aspects of Conflict •Increased negative regard for the opponent •Depletion of energy •Isolation from others •Increased costs; decreased rewards Positive Aspects of Conflict •Forces examination of a problem •Moves toward potential solutions •Enables individuals to state desires and get them •Prevents hostilities from festering 4

•Increases understanding and meeting each other’s needs •Says relationship is worth the effort Force versus Talk  Destructive versus Productive Talk  Destructive Talk is: Evaluative Controlling Strategic Indifferent or Neutral Superior Certain Face-Attacking versus Face-Enhancing Strategies: Politeness in Conflict  Face-attacking strategies: Beltlining- hit someone below his/her emotional beltline inflicts serious injury Blame – where is your focus Accepting responsibility Verbal Aggressiveness versus Argumentativeness  Verbal Aggressiveness: Unproductive Destructive Reciprocal  Argumentativeness: Constructive Leads to relationship satisfaction Increases power of persuasion Verbal Aggressiveness    

Inflicts psychological pain Attacks the other’s self concept Disconfirms Seeks to discredit the other’s view of self

Strategies for Cultivating Argumentativeness  •Treat disagreements as objectively as possible.  •Avoid attacking the other person.  •Reaffirm the other’s sense of competence.  •Stress quality and similarities.  •Express interest in the other person’s position, attitude, and point of view.  •Avoid presenting your arguments too emotionally. 5

 •Allow the other person to save face. Resolving Conflicts  Three conflict-resolution approaches: Interest Based Relational (IBR) Approach “Solving Tough Problems” “A Peaceful Personal Space” Interest Based Relational or IBR Approach  Ensure that your relationship is first priority.  Keep people and problems separate.  Pay attention to the issues being presented by the other person.  Listen first; talk second.  Set out the facts of the conflict.  Explore options together. “Solving Tough Problems”  Avoid assuming that there’s only one right answer.  Recognize unproductive ways of talking.  Understand effective ways of listening.

 Listen openly.  Listen reflectively.  Listen with empathy.  Committing to a resolution.  Listening by not

 talking. “A Peaceful Personal Space”  Be curious.

 Offer and receive physical contact.

 Be optimistic.

 Practise deep breathing.

 Experience nature.

 Separate your roles.

 Keep a gratitude journal.

 Slow your pace.

 Meditate.

 Stimulate/challenge yourself.

 Notice beautiful things.

 Volunteer.

A Model of Conflict Resolution 1. Define the conflict. 6

• Define both content and relationship issues. • Use specific terms. • Empathize. • Avoid mind reading. 2. Examine possible solutions. • Look for win–win solutions. • Weigh the costs and rewards of the solutions. • Seek the solutions in which both share the costs and rewards. 3. Test a solution. •Test mentally: how does it feel now? •How comfortable is it? •Test in actual practice: How does it work?

4. Evaluate the solution. •Did it resolve the conflict? •Is the situation better? •Is the solution worth the costs for each? •Are rewards about even? 5. Accept or reject the solution. •If you accept, put it into operation. •If you reject, test another solution or redefine the conflict. After the Conflict •Learn from the conflict and from the process you went through in trying to resolve it. •Attack your negative feelings. •Increase the exchange of rewards and cherishing behaviours. Productive Conflict Management Strategies •Fight actively.

•Use empathy.

•Talk.

•Use an open expression.

•Be supportive.

•Present focus.

•Use face-enhancing strategies.

•Stay above the belt. 7

•Don’t be argumentative. Unproductive Conflict Management Strategies •avoidance

•silencers

•force

•gunnysacking

•defensiveness

•hitting below the belt

•face-distracting strategies

•aggressiveness

•blame

• ‘Healthy’ conflict’ requires an atmosphere of trust in which people can safely speak their minds. They need to know that job prospects will not be damaged by disagreeing with the boss, and that everyone will be listened to and treated with respect. This type of atmosphere builds strong and sustainable relationships both at work and at home. • ‘Unhealthy conflict’ arises in an atmosphere of fear and features the type of rows, which cause lasting damage to the fabric of relationships. The result of this, is resignation, the sack or, outside of the office, divorce. 8

• Conflict is nothing to be afraid of and its energy can be harnessed for the good of the individual, team, organization or family. See other notes for details on Conflict Styles Five Conflict Styles •Competing—I win, you lose •Avoiding—I lose, you lose •Accommodating—I lose, you win •Collaborating—I win, you win •Compromising—I win and lose, you win and lose

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