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An essay about translating techniques based on the translation of 'Dos Palabras' by Isabel Allende....

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Translation Analysis of “Two Words” by Saumya on her blog ‘For the Love of Short Stories’  Dr Elisa Serra  Grainne Hennessy 116400476  Year 4  Introduction to Translation Studies WL4103  World Languages CK1101              

Translation Analysis of “Two words” by Saumya on her blog, ‘For the Love of Short Stories’.  In an interview with the BBC, the well-known Chilean writer Isabel Allende said “I could never make love in English” (Anderson, 2015). It is clear from this quote that the Spanish language is essential to Allende’s writing. For this reason, among others, I thought it would be interesting to analyse a translation of one of her works.  ‘Dos Palabras’ is a short story from her collection “Cuentos de Eva Luna” which was first published in 1989. Isabel’s writing contains aspects of magical realism and is often based on her own life experiences as well as historical events and her stories often have themes of romance. In this short story we can see these influences. The story is beautifully written, full of metaphors and vivid descriptions. I found a translation online on a personal blog website made by a seemingly amateur translator. The translator, Saumya, is a graduate in Spanish, a fan of Spanish literature and an aspiring translator. Her website is a collection of short stories that she has translated. In the blog introduction, the author states that she translates short stories “with an honest effort to keep their essence and beauty intact”. I thought it would be interesting to analyse this particular translation because she is clearly a fan of Allende’s work and wants it to be available to a wider audience for free. I therefore assume that she would want to do justice to the story. I will be discussing how Saumya attempts to do so. However, it is important to keep in mind that she doesn't have any apparent degree or experience in translation studies. In my view, Saumya does very well in some areas, but is quite careless in others. Furthermore, she is far from faithful to the original. However this is understandable since it was more of a personal ambition, as opposed to a professional, published translation.  ‘Dos Palabras’ is a story about a woman named Belisa Crepusculario who sells words for a living. This includes writing love letters, insults for enemies and stories about the civil war. One day a fearsome man, el Colonel, and his right-hand man el Mulato, take Belisa to their camp and ask her to write a speech for el Colonel so that he will become the President by popular vote. She writes him the speech and whispers two free secret words in his ear. The speech is extremely successful and el Colonel wins the hearts of people from villages across the country. However the Colonel is tormented by those two words that Belisa told him. Eventually, el Mulato finds Belisa and orders her to take back the words and undo the spell she has apparently cast on el Colonel. Instead, Belisa walks up to el Colonel and takes his hand, and el Mulato and the other soldiers see el Colonels eyes go calm, and the reader understands that they are in love. This is extremely significant because, while it is never explicitly stated, we can assume that the two secret words that Belisa whispered were “Te amo” or “Te quiero”. In English this would be translated into three words “I love you”, but the translator leaves it as “two words”. This complicated issue really highlights the problems that a translator faces, or in this case, doesn’t face, and in this essay I will be looking at several examples of how Saumya deals with other problems that arise when translating a work. I will be discussing several examples of translation shifts based on the taxonomy developed by Jean-Paul Vinay and Jean Darbelnet, namely; transposition, modulation and equivalence as well as examples of collocation and insertion. We will see how the translator deals with these issues, how she succeeds at times and fails at others. 

In the introduction to her blog, the translator Saumya includes a disclaimer that says “Warning: Don’t be surprised to find unusually long sentences. That’s just a byproduct of translation.” It is interesting that she says this because there was a lot of instances where the she splits sentences from the original Spanish version into two sentences in the English version. In general, this doesn’t affect the meaning, style or connotation of the phrase. It is done because it is less common in English to have such long sentences. In this sense, the translator has done a good job. There is also an example where she splits a sentence into two, possibly to avoid using a word to translate “pues” (Allende, pg 21) which would ultimately change the register of the sentence. “Pues” is a commonly used term in Spanish and while “well then”, “therefore”, “okay now” or “so” could all be used as a translation in general, these words would not be appropriate here. Saumya has done a good job with dealing with this issue. However, after a careful reading of both the source text and target text, I have found that there are some cases where splitting the sentences alters the meaning, either by putting too much emphasis on a particular idea, or by ruining the flow of the writing. For example, in the final line of the second paragraph Allende is describing the landscape that the main character travels to. “...arribó por fin a los primeros manantiales, finos hilos de agua, casi invisibles, que alimentaban una vegetación raquítica, y que más adelante se convertían en riachuelos y esteros” (Allende, pg 16) becomes “...finally arrived at the springs - fine threads of water, almost invisible, feeding a rickety vegetation. These springs later became streams and estuaries.” By dividing this sentence, the translator is giving an unmerited significance to the final part of the description. In another case, Saumya splits the sentence and inserts the phrase “It was as if” at the beginning of the second sentence. We will look at this again later in the essay, but in this case we can see how this split affects the meaning of the sentence. “...el Colonel pronunció su discurso tantas veces, que de no haber sido hecho con palabras refulgentes y durables el uso lo habría vuelto ceniza” (Allende, pg 22) becomes “the Colonel delivered his speech innumerable times. It was as if the glowing and impactful words would turn into ashes if he wouldn’t use them so intensively.” We can clearly see the loss of flow and the loss of effectiveness of Allende’s description. In a similar way, Saumya translates the simple sentence “Ella lo estaba esperando” (Allende, pg 24) into “it was as if Belisa Crepusculario knew the whole time that he would come to get her”. By doing this, Saumya gives the text a sense of uncertainty. While in Allende’s version it is a certain fact that Belisa was expecting him, Saumya’s version merely implies the possibility that she knew he would come.  We can see that Saumya has a strong tendency to turn metaphors into similes by inserting phrases such as “like that of...”. When describing the manner in which el Mulato looks at Belisa Allende writes, “sin dejar de mirarla con ojos suplicantes de perro perdido” (Allende, pg 22) which becomes “his lustful eyes on her like that of a stray dog”. Later on, Saumya repeats the same phrase which again weakens the effect of the original. She writes “...their skin turned into that of a lizard” whereas in the Spanish version it is “ con la piel convertida en cuero de lagarto” (Allende, pg 16). Perhaps she did this for fear of losing meaning, but there was no need for the insertion in any of the above examples. The original sentence was clear and effective and could have been translated directly. In these instances we can see that Saumya is wary of losing meaning in her translation. While this intention is justifiable, these changes are quite significant. While translation of metaphors has not been discussed at great length in the study of translation (Snell-Hornby, pg 56), it is inherently known that metaphors tend to have a stronger effect than similes (Zharikov and Gentner, 2002). Therefore, Saumya repeatedly offers a

weaker version of Allende’s writing. By including overly explicit phrases such as “like that of” more than once she also adds her own style to the piece, thus taking away the style of Allende (Huang, pg 18).  In a similar way, there are a few cases where the translator overexplains some phrases. In the sixth paragraph she writes “Her heart turned into a desert from the sand inhaled by the constant jolts of the horse”. She chooses to explain that Belisa was inhaling the sand due to the wild movements of the horse. In Allende’s version it is written as “con el corazón convertido en arena por las sacudidas del caballo” (Allende, pg 18). While it might be slightly difficult to understand in English without the extra explanation, it is just as vague in Spanish, and was not necessary to include the extra explanation. In the fourth paragraph, Belisa is considering the few possible professions she could follow and decides that selling words is the best option. Saumya translates “aparte de prostituirse...eran pocas las ocupaciones que podía desempeñar” (Allende, pg 17) as “besides prostitution...there were very few respectable things she could do for a living”. The addition of the word “respectable” is not necessary as the author had previously mentioned prostitution which implies she was referring to professions that weren’t respectable. While this insertion does not necessarily have any negative effect on the translation, it is yet another case of being unfaithful to the original. By doing this, Saumya abuses her creative freedom and strays away from the original. In the instances where it is impossible to have a direct equivalent in her translation, we could justify it (Campbell, The original is Unfaithful to the Translation). These however, are not such instances. Saumya is simply weakening Allende’s writing by over explaining for fear of losing meaning.  As transposition is one of the most common techniques used by translators, it is not surprising that we can see several examples in the first paragraph alone. In the opening paragraph, the translator changes a verb in Spanish into a noun in English, “ No necesitaba pregonar su mercadería” (Allende, pg 15) becomes “There was no need of advertising her business.” Later in the same paragraph, we see another example of a verb being translated into a noun, “ Vendía a precios justos” (Allende, pg 15) becomes “Her prices were reasonable”. After seeing two examples of Spanish verbs becoming English nouns, it is very interesting to see the translator do the opposite in the eighth paragraph, “se encontró ante la mirada impaciente del Mulato” (Allende, pg 19) becomes “The Mulato was staring at her impatiently”. For each one of these, direct translation was possible. In other words, transposition was not obligatory as it can be in some cases. Therefore, we can deduce that the translator chose to use transposition from a stylistic point of view (Venuti, pg 88). While she could have said “She sold at fair prices”, it doesn’t sound natural or normal in English. The translator is clearly proficient enough in English to understand that “Her prices were reasonable” sounds better. By making this change, the translator avoids sounding awkward or unsuitable in the target text (Munday, 2001, pg 57).  Another commonly used technique is modulation. In the first paragraph we see an example of this change in the point of view, in Spanish, “un toldo de lienzo, bajo el cual se protegía del sol y de la lluvia” (Allende, pg 15) and in English, “a linen awning which would protect her from sunlight and rain”. Once again, this modulation was not necessary, but a stylistic choice made by the translator. It could be said that her use of modulation resulted in a more natural translation which is the purpose of modulation (Venuti, pg 89). However, by doing this, the translator takes away the protagonist’s independence and the significance of her actions. In the Spanish version, we see Belisa as a strong

independent woman showing initiative to ensure her own safety, whereas in the English version, it seems more like Belisa is taking refuge under something which has already been made available to her. In a very similar way, Saumya takes away the power of words when in paragraph four she translates “las palabras andan sueltas sin dueño y cualquiera con un poco de maña puede apoderárselas para comerciar con ellos” (Allende, pg 17) into “Words do not belong to anyone and they’re free to be used by all”. In this story in particular, we can see that Isabel Allende sees the enormous power in words. By taking away the personification of the noun “words”, it reduces the power and significance of words which Allende is trying to show.  When it comes to translating set expressions from Spanish to English, Saumya does a good job in general. Saumya finds the perfect equivalent to several phrases throughout the short story. In paragraph seven, Saumya translates “Para servirte” (Allende pg 19) into “at your service”. While ‘Here to serve you’ would make sense in English, “At your service” is a well known set phrase and thus the better option. She also translates “promesas improbables” (Allende, pg 20) into “false promises” which also sounds much better in English than ‘improbable promises’. Saumya is not shy to rearrange a sentence in order to make it sound more natural. She changes “...y cuando por fin se retiraban, quedaba atrás una estela de esperanza que perduraba muchos días en el aire” (Allende, pg 22)to “And when they went, they left behind a trail of hope that lingered in the air for days”. By making these choices, the translator succeeds in creating a piece of writing that sits easily with the English speaking brain. We do not notice that it is a translation. She shows competence in both English and Spanish when she interprets these expressions flawlessly (Baker, pg 65). However, Saumya does not consistently make good choices. We can assume that she is more proficient in English than she is in Spanish when she falls short on translating “las patitas de mosca dibujadas sobre el papel” (Allende, pg 17). While it does not seem to be a common or widely understood phrase, I looked up the phrase and found it to refer to ‘very small and unreadable handwriting’. Saumya, however, chose to translate this as “the significance of the flies painted on paper”. This makes no sense to an English speaker. Even if she had included the reference to the legs of the flies, it would still have been a poor translation. Seeing as there doesn’t seem to be any direct equivalence of the phrase “patitas de mosca” Saumya should have simply paraphrased it as ‘small print’ or something similar (Baker, pg 74). While that would have taken away some of the stylistic aspects, it is more important to make sense.  As I have already mentioned, this translation was done for pleasure for a blog. The author has asserted that she only wants to make stories like Allende’s more widely available, and to practice translating. Therefore it is understandable that she was more liberal in her translation that she might be if she was preparing it for publication. We will now be looking at some examples of how too much creative freedom can get a translator into trouble. In paragraph eleven, when el Colonel and Belisa are discussing the payment of her services, the translator is quite liberal. After Belisa only charges one peso, el Colonel replies “no es caro” (Allende, pg 21) which Saumya translates as “well, it’s not a lot”. While she was right to not translate it directly as “It’s not expensive”, in my view, a better translation would be “That’s not much”. The “well” does not add anything of substance to the translation, the “it” is a more marked term in this instance, and while “a lot” would be more suitable if it was followed by “of money”, “much” works better on its own. We can assume that Saumya saw “es” and felt compelled to translate into “it”, which would be a marked collocation. In Spanish, people would not say “Eso no es caro”, but in

English, people would be more likely to say “That’s not expensive” on hearing that the price of something that was less than expected.  Interestingly, there are several cases where the translator decides to change a word for no apparent reason. For example in paragraph seven, she changes “profesor” to “soothsayer”, “His voice, soft and fine-tune, like that of a soothsayer”, “su voz, suave y bien modulada como la de un profesor” (Allende, pg 19). While she might be doing this in order to make it clearer because not everyone would associate a teacher with a smooth voice, her choice of the word “soothsayer” is questionable. It is a very rare word and in turn it does the opposite of making it more comprehensible. Similarly, she changes “hablando como un catedrático” (Allende, pg 23), which could also be translated as a teacher or professor, into “orating like a king”. It is very peculiar that on both occasions she strays away from the term ‘professor’ or any similar word in English.  We can also see Saumya run into some problems in terms of collocation. In the first paragraph, Allende tells us about stories that Belisa tells, “También vendía cuentos, pero no eran cuentos de fantasía, sino largas historias verdaderas…” (Allende, pg 15). It is clear that when she uses the word “fantasía” she is referring to make believe or imaginary. However, Saumya is careless here and she seems to have misinterpreted the meaning of the source-language collocation “fantasía”, as “fantastic” (Baker, pg 55). However this completely contradicts the meaning of the sentence. In fact, when she writes “But they weren’t fantastic tales”, it actually implies that the stories were poor, as opposed to imaginary. In this instance, Saumya has unfortunately opted for a word that, while related etymologically, does not convey the same meaning. Similarly, in paragraph fourteen, Saumya makes the interesting choice to avoid direct translation even though it would be more suitable than the option she went with. She translates “en los pueblos más olvidados, allá donde sólo el rastro de basura indicaba la presencia humana” (Allende, pg 22) into “even at the most forgettable places, where only the trash-can indicated human presence”. The phrase “ a trail of litter”, “the traces of rubbish”, etc all would have a better effect than “the trash-can” which implies that the entire town shares one trash can.  Saumya shows both an impressive aptitude for translating, and a careless disregard for accuracy at times. We can put this down to the fact that she did not know that her translation would be observed in such a close manner. Saumya does a good job in general when it comes to sounding natural in English by her use of transposition and splitting long sentences into two or more. However, she does fall short when it comes to keeping the effectiveness and flow of Allende’s writing by over explaining, inserting conjunctions and similes and modulation. She also tends to be unnecessarily unfaithful to Allende's writing when she provides new words and inserts her own lines in the translation for no reason. Because her translation was not intended to be criticised so closely, it is maybe unfair to be too harsh. However it does provide an excellent insight into the mistakes a blossoming translator can make, and highlights the dangers of abusing one’s own creative freedom.     

    Bibliography  Allende, Isabel. Cuentos de Eva Luna. Barcelona: Penguin Random House Grupo Editorial, 1999  Anderson, Hephzibah. “Isabel Allende: I could never make love in English”. BBC 21 October 2015. Web. 9 December 2019. http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20151021-isabel-allende-i-could-never-make-love-in-english  Baker, Mona. In other words: a coursebook on translation. Routledge: 2011   Campbell, Bryony. The Original is Unfaithful to the Translation: Towards Recognising Originality in Translation ht...