Title | Translation Essay Final |
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Author | Grainne Hennessy |
Course | Introduction to Translation Studies |
Institution | University College Cork |
Pages | 8 |
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An essay about translating techniques based on the translation of 'Dos Palabras' by Isabel Allende....
Translation Analysis of “Two Words” by Saumya on her blog ‘For the Love of Short Stories’ Dr Elisa Serra Grainne Hennessy 116400476 Year 4 Introduction to Translation Studies WL4103 World Languages CK1101
Translation Analysis of “Two words” by Saumya on her blog, ‘For the Love of Short Stories’. In an interview with the BBC, the well-known Chilean writer Isabel Allende said “I could never make love in English” (Anderson, 2015). It is clear from this quote that the Spanish language is essential to Allende’s writing. For this reason, among others, I thought it would be interesting to analyse a translation of one of her works. ‘Dos Palabras’ is a short story from her collection “Cuentos de Eva Luna” which was first published in 1989. Isabel’s writing contains aspects of magical realism and is often based on her own life experiences as well as historical events and her stories often have themes of romance. In this short story we can see these influences. The story is beautifully written, full of metaphors and vivid descriptions. I found a translation online on a personal blog website made by a seemingly amateur translator. The translator, Saumya, is a graduate in Spanish, a fan of Spanish literature and an aspiring translator. Her website is a collection of short stories that she has translated. In the blog introduction, the author states that she translates short stories “with an honest effort to keep their essence and beauty intact”. I thought it would be interesting to analyse this particular translation because she is clearly a fan of Allende’s work and wants it to be available to a wider audience for free. I therefore assume that she would want to do justice to the story. I will be discussing how Saumya attempts to do so. However, it is important to keep in mind that she doesn't have any apparent degree or experience in translation studies. In my view, Saumya does very well in some areas, but is quite careless in others. Furthermore, she is far from faithful to the original. However this is understandable since it was more of a personal ambition, as opposed to a professional, published translation. ‘Dos Palabras’ is a story about a woman named Belisa Crepusculario who sells words for a living. This includes writing love letters, insults for enemies and stories about the civil war. One day a fearsome man, el Colonel, and his right-hand man el Mulato, take Belisa to their camp and ask her to write a speech for el Colonel so that he will become the President by popular vote. She writes him the speech and whispers two free secret words in his ear. The speech is extremely successful and el Colonel wins the hearts of people from villages across the country. However the Colonel is tormented by those two words that Belisa told him. Eventually, el Mulato finds Belisa and orders her to take back the words and undo the spell she has apparently cast on el Colonel. Instead, Belisa walks up to el Colonel and takes his hand, and el Mulato and the other soldiers see el Colonels eyes go calm, and the reader understands that they are in love. This is extremely significant because, while it is never explicitly stated, we can assume that the two secret words that Belisa whispered were “Te amo” or “Te quiero”. In English this would be translated into three words “I love you”, but the translator leaves it as “two words”. This complicated issue really highlights the problems that a translator faces, or in this case, doesn’t face, and in this essay I will be looking at several examples of how Saumya deals with other problems that arise when translating a work. I will be discussing several examples of translation shifts based on the taxonomy developed by Jean-Paul Vinay and Jean Darbelnet, namely; transposition, modulation and equivalence as well as examples of collocation and insertion. We will see how the translator deals with these issues, how she succeeds at times and fails at others.
In the introduction to her blog, the translator Saumya includes a disclaimer that says “Warning: Don’t be surprised to find unusually long sentences. That’s just a byproduct of translation.” It is interesting that she says this because there was a lot of instances where the she splits sentences from the original Spanish version into two sentences in the English version. In general, this doesn’t affect the meaning, style or connotation of the phrase. It is done because it is less common in English to have such long sentences. In this sense, the translator has done a good job. There is also an example where she splits a sentence into two, possibly to avoid using a word to translate “pues” (Allende, pg 21) which would ultimately change the register of the sentence. “Pues” is a commonly used term in Spanish and while “well then”, “therefore”, “okay now” or “so” could all be used as a translation in general, these words would not be appropriate here. Saumya has done a good job with dealing with this issue. However, after a careful reading of both the source text and target text, I have found that there are some cases where splitting the sentences alters the meaning, either by putting too much emphasis on a particular idea, or by ruining the flow of the writing. For example, in the final line of the second paragraph Allende is describing the landscape that the main character travels to. “...arribó por fin a los primeros manantiales, finos hilos de agua, casi invisibles, que alimentaban una vegetación raquítica, y que más adelante se convertían en riachuelos y esteros” (Allende, pg 16) becomes “...finally arrived at the springs - fine threads of water, almost invisible, feeding a rickety vegetation. These springs later became streams and estuaries.” By dividing this sentence, the translator is giving an unmerited significance to the final part of the description. In another case, Saumya splits the sentence and inserts the phrase “It was as if” at the beginning of the second sentence. We will look at this again later in the essay, but in this case we can see how this split affects the meaning of the sentence. “...el Colonel pronunció su discurso tantas veces, que de no haber sido hecho con palabras refulgentes y durables el uso lo habría vuelto ceniza” (Allende, pg 22) becomes “the Colonel delivered his speech innumerable times. It was as if the glowing and impactful words would turn into ashes if he wouldn’t use them so intensively.” We can clearly see the loss of flow and the loss of effectiveness of Allende’s description. In a similar way, Saumya translates the simple sentence “Ella lo estaba esperando” (Allende, pg 24) into “it was as if Belisa Crepusculario knew the whole time that he would come to get her”. By doing this, Saumya gives the text a sense of uncertainty. While in Allende’s version it is a certain fact that Belisa was expecting him, Saumya’s version merely implies the possibility that she knew he would come. We can see that Saumya has a strong tendency to turn metaphors into similes by inserting phrases such as “like that of...”. When describing the manner in which el Mulato looks at Belisa Allende writes, “sin dejar de mirarla con ojos suplicantes de perro perdido” (Allende, pg 22) which becomes “his lustful eyes on her like that of a stray dog”. Later on, Saumya repeats the same phrase which again weakens the effect of the original. She writes “...their skin turned into that of a lizard” whereas in the Spanish version it is “ con la piel convertida en cuero de lagarto” (Allende, pg 16). Perhaps she did this for fear of losing meaning, but there was no need for the insertion in any of the above examples. The original sentence was clear and effective and could have been translated directly. In these instances we can see that Saumya is wary of losing meaning in her translation. While this intention is justifiable, these changes are quite significant. While translation of metaphors has not been discussed at great length in the study of translation (Snell-Hornby, pg 56), it is inherently known that metaphors tend to have a stronger effect than similes (Zharikov and Gentner, 2002). Therefore, Saumya repeatedly offers a
weaker version of Allende’s writing. By including overly explicit phrases such as “like that of” more than once she also adds her own style to the piece, thus taking away the style of Allende (Huang, pg 18). In a similar way, there are a few cases where the translator overexplains some phrases. In the sixth paragraph she writes “Her heart turned into a desert from the sand inhaled by the constant jolts of the horse”. She chooses to explain that Belisa was inhaling the sand due to the wild movements of the horse. In Allende’s version it is written as “con el corazón convertido en arena por las sacudidas del caballo” (Allende, pg 18). While it might be slightly difficult to understand in English without the extra explanation, it is just as vague in Spanish, and was not necessary to include the extra explanation. In the fourth paragraph, Belisa is considering the few possible professions she could follow and decides that selling words is the best option. Saumya translates “aparte de prostituirse...eran pocas las ocupaciones que podía desempeñar” (Allende, pg 17) as “besides prostitution...there were very few respectable things she could do for a living”. The addition of the word “respectable” is not necessary as the author had previously mentioned prostitution which implies she was referring to professions that weren’t respectable. While this insertion does not necessarily have any negative effect on the translation, it is yet another case of being unfaithful to the original. By doing this, Saumya abuses her creative freedom and strays away from the original. In the instances where it is impossible to have a direct equivalent in her translation, we could justify it (Campbell, The original is Unfaithful to the Translation). These however, are not such instances. Saumya is simply weakening Allende’s writing by over explaining for fear of losing meaning. As transposition is one of the most common techniques used by translators, it is not surprising that we can see several examples in the first paragraph alone. In the opening paragraph, the translator changes a verb in Spanish into a noun in English, “ No necesitaba pregonar su mercadería” (Allende, pg 15) becomes “There was no need of advertising her business.” Later in the same paragraph, we see another example of a verb being translated into a noun, “ Vendía a precios justos” (Allende, pg 15) becomes “Her prices were reasonable”. After seeing two examples of Spanish verbs becoming English nouns, it is very interesting to see the translator do the opposite in the eighth paragraph, “se encontró ante la mirada impaciente del Mulato” (Allende, pg 19) becomes “The Mulato was staring at her impatiently”. For each one of these, direct translation was possible. In other words, transposition was not obligatory as it can be in some cases. Therefore, we can deduce that the translator chose to use transposition from a stylistic point of view (Venuti, pg 88). While she could have said “She sold at fair prices”, it doesn’t sound natural or normal in English. The translator is clearly proficient enough in English to understand that “Her prices were reasonable” sounds better. By making this change, the translator avoids sounding awkward or unsuitable in the target text (Munday, 2001, pg 57). Another commonly used technique is modulation. In the first paragraph we see an example of this change in the point of view, in Spanish, “un toldo de lienzo, bajo el cual se protegía del sol y de la lluvia” (Allende, pg 15) and in English, “a linen awning which would protect her from sunlight and rain”. Once again, this modulation was not necessary, but a stylistic choice made by the translator. It could be said that her use of modulation resulted in a more natural translation which is the purpose of modulation (Venuti, pg 89). However, by doing this, the translator takes away the protagonist’s independence and the significance of her actions. In the Spanish version, we see Belisa as a strong
independent woman showing initiative to ensure her own safety, whereas in the English version, it seems more like Belisa is taking refuge under something which has already been made available to her. In a very similar way, Saumya takes away the power of words when in paragraph four she translates “las palabras andan sueltas sin dueño y cualquiera con un poco de maña puede apoderárselas para comerciar con ellos” (Allende, pg 17) into “Words do not belong to anyone and they’re free to be used by all”. In this story in particular, we can see that Isabel Allende sees the enormous power in words. By taking away the personification of the noun “words”, it reduces the power and significance of words which Allende is trying to show. When it comes to translating set expressions from Spanish to English, Saumya does a good job in general. Saumya finds the perfect equivalent to several phrases throughout the short story. In paragraph seven, Saumya translates “Para servirte” (Allende pg 19) into “at your service”. While ‘Here to serve you’ would make sense in English, “At your service” is a well known set phrase and thus the better option. She also translates “promesas improbables” (Allende, pg 20) into “false promises” which also sounds much better in English than ‘improbable promises’. Saumya is not shy to rearrange a sentence in order to make it sound more natural. She changes “...y cuando por fin se retiraban, quedaba atrás una estela de esperanza que perduraba muchos días en el aire” (Allende, pg 22)to “And when they went, they left behind a trail of hope that lingered in the air for days”. By making these choices, the translator succeeds in creating a piece of writing that sits easily with the English speaking brain. We do not notice that it is a translation. She shows competence in both English and Spanish when she interprets these expressions flawlessly (Baker, pg 65). However, Saumya does not consistently make good choices. We can assume that she is more proficient in English than she is in Spanish when she falls short on translating “las patitas de mosca dibujadas sobre el papel” (Allende, pg 17). While it does not seem to be a common or widely understood phrase, I looked up the phrase and found it to refer to ‘very small and unreadable handwriting’. Saumya, however, chose to translate this as “the significance of the flies painted on paper”. This makes no sense to an English speaker. Even if she had included the reference to the legs of the flies, it would still have been a poor translation. Seeing as there doesn’t seem to be any direct equivalence of the phrase “patitas de mosca” Saumya should have simply paraphrased it as ‘small print’ or something similar (Baker, pg 74). While that would have taken away some of the stylistic aspects, it is more important to make sense. As I have already mentioned, this translation was done for pleasure for a blog. The author has asserted that she only wants to make stories like Allende’s more widely available, and to practice translating. Therefore it is understandable that she was more liberal in her translation that she might be if she was preparing it for publication. We will now be looking at some examples of how too much creative freedom can get a translator into trouble. In paragraph eleven, when el Colonel and Belisa are discussing the payment of her services, the translator is quite liberal. After Belisa only charges one peso, el Colonel replies “no es caro” (Allende, pg 21) which Saumya translates as “well, it’s not a lot”. While she was right to not translate it directly as “It’s not expensive”, in my view, a better translation would be “That’s not much”. The “well” does not add anything of substance to the translation, the “it” is a more marked term in this instance, and while “a lot” would be more suitable if it was followed by “of money”, “much” works better on its own. We can assume that Saumya saw “es” and felt compelled to translate into “it”, which would be a marked collocation. In Spanish, people would not say “Eso no es caro”, but in
English, people would be more likely to say “That’s not expensive” on hearing that the price of something that was less than expected. Interestingly, there are several cases where the translator decides to change a word for no apparent reason. For example in paragraph seven, she changes “profesor” to “soothsayer”, “His voice, soft and fine-tune, like that of a soothsayer”, “su voz, suave y bien modulada como la de un profesor” (Allende, pg 19). While she might be doing this in order to make it clearer because not everyone would associate a teacher with a smooth voice, her choice of the word “soothsayer” is questionable. It is a very rare word and in turn it does the opposite of making it more comprehensible. Similarly, she changes “hablando como un catedrático” (Allende, pg 23), which could also be translated as a teacher or professor, into “orating like a king”. It is very peculiar that on both occasions she strays away from the term ‘professor’ or any similar word in English. We can also see Saumya run into some problems in terms of collocation. In the first paragraph, Allende tells us about stories that Belisa tells, “También vendía cuentos, pero no eran cuentos de fantasía, sino largas historias verdaderas…” (Allende, pg 15). It is clear that when she uses the word “fantasía” she is referring to make believe or imaginary. However, Saumya is careless here and she seems to have misinterpreted the meaning of the source-language collocation “fantasía”, as “fantastic” (Baker, pg 55). However this completely contradicts the meaning of the sentence. In fact, when she writes “But they weren’t fantastic tales”, it actually implies that the stories were poor, as opposed to imaginary. In this instance, Saumya has unfortunately opted for a word that, while related etymologically, does not convey the same meaning. Similarly, in paragraph fourteen, Saumya makes the interesting choice to avoid direct translation even though it would be more suitable than the option she went with. She translates “en los pueblos más olvidados, allá donde sólo el rastro de basura indicaba la presencia humana” (Allende, pg 22) into “even at the most forgettable places, where only the trash-can indicated human presence”. The phrase “ a trail of litter”, “the traces of rubbish”, etc all would have a better effect than “the trash-can” which implies that the entire town shares one trash can. Saumya shows both an impressive aptitude for translating, and a careless disregard for accuracy at times. We can put this down to the fact that she did not know that her translation would be observed in such a close manner. Saumya does a good job in general when it comes to sounding natural in English by her use of transposition and splitting long sentences into two or more. However, she does fall short when it comes to keeping the effectiveness and flow of Allende’s writing by over explaining, inserting conjunctions and similes and modulation. She also tends to be unnecessarily unfaithful to Allende's writing when she provides new words and inserts her own lines in the translation for no reason. Because her translation was not intended to be criticised so closely, it is maybe unfair to be too harsh. However it does provide an excellent insight into the mistakes a blossoming translator can make, and highlights the dangers of abusing one’s own creative freedom.
Bibliography Allende, Isabel. Cuentos de Eva Luna. Barcelona: Penguin Random House Grupo Editorial, 1999 Anderson, Hephzibah. “Isabel Allende: I could never make love in English”. BBC 21 October 2015. Web. 9 December 2019. http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20151021-isabel-allende-i-could-never-make-love-in-english Baker, Mona. In other words: a coursebook on translation. Routledge: 2011 Campbell, Bryony. The Original is Unfaithful to the Translation: Towards Recognising Originality in Translation ht...