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Running heading: Understanding Dying, Death, & Bereavement

Understanding Dying, Death, & Bereavement Stephen N Jackson Liberty University

Running heading: Understanding Dying, Death, & Bereavement

Understanding Dying, Death, & Bereavement Summary In today’s society, we must understand that death is inevitable, it’s going to happen whether we like it or not. In the book of Revelation 21:4, it tells us – “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” (KJV) Therefore, we should expect death to occur at an appoint time in life. The question is, “even though we know and understand what the bible says, but are we fully prepared for death of our friends, family or love ones?” In the text, Understanding Dying, Death, and Bereavement (Leming, 2011), we find that this writing is both informative and practical, be yet theoretical. This text stems from the other editions of the authors writing of (Understanding Death & Bereavement). This current edition reflects changes specifically with the objectives to 1) sensitize students to the subject of dying, death, a and bereavement; 2) to aid students in adjusting to death of a significant other; 3) to help individuals examine their own feelings and reactions to death and the grieving process, and; 4) to make readers of the book aware of different culture groups’ death and bereavement customs. We will find that this writing will equip the reader with the correct tools and information to understand and to cope with the aspect of dying, death, and the bereavement process. Leming (2011) in the edition there are fourteen chapters (14) to support their finding, etc. The first chapter, Studying Dying, Death and Bereavement set the foundation of preparing one for death related experience, which is useful for one to understand the sociological and the social psychological perspectives to acquire valuables and insight into our own life as well as the life of people you may care dearly about.

Running heading: Understanding Dying, Death, & Bereavement

The writer also describes the history and customs which relates to death in the United States and other countries. Leming giving detail information regarding comprehend social class and ethic variations in bereavement customs, and its sociological perspective. The writer also explains to the reader about the “Thanatology movement.” This movement was a concerted effort in the 1970s to bring about an open discussion and awareness of behaviors and emotions related to dying, death, and bereavement and this movement went throughout the 21st century. The next chapter, The American Experience of Death, talks about the how Americans have developed a “paradoxical” relationship with death, and we have not really equipped ourselves emotionally to cope with dying or with death. “American way of dying is such that avoiding direct confrontation with dying and death is a real possibility for many persons.” Chapter two of this text is to provide understanding of dying, death and bereavement that will assist individuals to better ‘cope” with their own death as well as the death of others. This chapter reveals eight types of death fears, which were isolation, separation, and rejection; leaving loved ones; concerns with the afterlife; finality of death and fate of the body. Another important aspect which was discussed is how religion can relieve death anxiety if an individual is highly committed to it. And then there are chapters speaking about Growing Up with Death (chapter 3), perspectives on death and life after death (Chapter 4), and the Dying process (chapter 5) Leming in the third chapter talks about instead of trying to his death from children, we need to have more of an open line of communication on the topic of death. As we stop pretending that children cannot handle death, it’s ok for children and adults alike to show emotions such as crying. The writer says, “it is okay to feel the way one feels, moral judgment should not be attached to feelings. We should try not to be judgmental of others’ feelings.” (Leming, p )

In

Running heading: Understanding Dying, Death, & Bereavement

the next chapter, Perspective on Death and Life after Death, he points out that in secular societies, region and spirituality plays a very important in helping individuals cope with extraordinary events. Some events he talks about are illness, dying and death. Not only does religion help restore the normative order challenged by death, but it also their strong religious and spiritual orientation can enable individuals to cope better with their own dying and the deaths of their lived ones. What is the Dying process? This text explains the meaning of dying, which depends upon the social which death takes place. Some of the most important components of the meaning of our dying as it is explain are time, space, norm, role, value, and self. Upon a love one dying, they may go through a stage of accepting. This chapter also talks about the support of a dying child. Taken from KublerRoss, divides the dying process into five different stages; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. In chapters six, living with death, seven, dying in the American Health Care System, eight, Biomedical issues and euthanasia, nine, Suicide and ten, Diversity in Death Rituals. Prior to one dying that is up in age and there is nothing else that could be done for the person, Hospice is recommended by the family physician. This chapter discusses Hospice as being a specialized health care program that serves patients with illnesses such as cancer or any other type of life threatens of illness. Leming, talks about how the majority of Americans today die in hospitals and nursing homes, and the majority of individuals enrolled in hospice program die at home. Chapter seven is about the educational setting of dying, and how there is a growing number of schools that is now in the 21st century offering death education. We see that the cost of health care in the United States in on the up, to about 2.2 trillion dollars annually. In the next chapter, which are chapters eight, the sanctity-of-life perspective of euthanasia. Euthanasia or good death must be defined

Running heading: Understanding Dying, Death, & Bereavement

within the context of one’s understanding of the meaning of life. An individual try to facilitate a good death by using two methods. As Leming explains, they are passive and active euthanasia. Passive euthanasia involves a protocol whereby no action or medical intervention hastens death, and Active euthanasia requires a direct action to bring about death. Chapter nine deals with persons committing Suicide. It is noted that suicide has been around for a long time and it is heave to stay. The text talk about the dramaturgical approach to suicide study uses the drama or action to explain the behavior. It talks about the media and how it contributed to copycat suicides by teenagers; suicidal deaths are virtually nonexistent before age five and are rare between five and nine years old. In this chapter (10), Diversity of Death Rituals, people in all societies are inclined to symbolize culturally defined feelings in conventional ways. Rituals and behaviors and discussed, funeral and or mortuary rites that takes place in many societies. All rites of passage have three subrites, and they are discussed as rites of separation, rites of transition and rites of reincorporation. In the last four chapters, we look at the business of Dying, Legal aspects of dying, coping with loss and Grieving throughout the life cycle. The last four Chapters of Understanding Dying, Death, and Bereavement The Business of Dying, the Legal Aspects of Dying, Coping with Loss, and Grieving throughout the Life Cycle. In chapter eleven, it discusses the development of cemeteries; the building of funeral homes and the establishing of life insurance companies and it have demonstrated how certain needs of American have been fulfilled. The Legal Aspect of Dying, in this chapter goes from A to Z of the cycle of birth to death. A certificate is needed to legitimize a person’s existence and one is needed to confirm their death. Every legal issue is covered that take place upon the death of a person. Now the grieving process, bereavement roles, and normal adaptations to experiences of loss the four task of mourning and coping with violent deaths.

Running heading: Understanding Dying, Death, & Bereavement

Concrete Responses “And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.” (John 16:22, KJV) As I reflect back to my reading of the text “Understanding Dying, Death, and Bereavements, I am reminded of the death of two people very close and dear to my heart. The first was my father why passed away five years ago, this month and my brother-in-law. His passing was in the month of March 2015; just before I left on assignment to Winnipeg MB Canada. Five years ago, which it seems as if it was only yesterday passed after have a major surgery, and placed into a induced coma so that he could heal properly. After a week or so, he was brought out of the coma, and sent to a rehabilitation center until he was strong enough to return home. One month passed, he was strong enough to return home; my father was his old self, laughing and joking. I and my mother picked him up from the hospital that evening, and brought him home, whereas a few days later, I took him for his follow-up. This is where it became confusing and the early stage of denial. Upon completion of his follow-up, the doctor gave the report to the appointment setter, and she say to my mother, “Well there is nothing else we can do for him at this time, so we will have Hospice come out to your home to make sure he is comfortable.” When we left out, I said to my mother, “What are they talking about; Hospice is for people that is getting ready to die.” Little that I know he was expiring. I took him home, helping him out of the car, and as I think back to that moment, he was getting weaker and weaker. I put him in his favorite chair and said, “I will see you tomorrow.” 5 am the next morning as I was going to the gym, I received a phone call that my father had gone to be with the Lord. At that moment, I have no feelings towards his death. I went to the house

Running heading: Understanding Dying, Death, & Bereavement

saw him lying on the floor by his bed, and it was if I was empty, numb with unbelief. I would say, it was just on the surface, and just hasn’t penetrated my mind, body and spirit; just there. I couldn’t cry with grief or sorrow, just there. It was not until about two days later, it finally hit me that my father, my best friend is gone and will not be coming back. I had the feeling that he was here, but I just can’t touch him because there was a wall of separation. I was not anger, nor did is get mad, just confuse to the fact, that he’s gone. Saying to myself, this happens to other people, not our family. I preached my father’s funeral, but before I started, I had to release my father in the name of Jesus. This is when my healing process started. Keeping in mind, I will never overcome his death, but I know he is a better place. No more pain or suffering. What I have come to realize is that we will never know how much a person is suffering within, and we want that person to just hold on just a little longer. “In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. (John 14:2, KJV). Still today, when I see his picture, or even a certain time of year, my eyes tear up, because I miss him so much. Just before relocation to Canada in the month of March, my brother-in-law expired. He and my sister were at their office; he was very quiet, when my sister went to check on him, he had expired holding his cell phone in his hand. This was shocking because, there was no indication of him even being sick to the point of death. This was a different type of grieving for me. I was grieving for my sister because of the death of her husband and my nephew’s father. There was no numbness but much unbelief, but accepting that his suffering had also come to an end. But, it was not until the funeral, that it all became real to me that he is also gone and we will never see him again until.

Running heading: Understanding Dying, Death, & Bereavement

Reflection Are there anything that I disagree with the Author, and how can I use this book in my counseling session and place it into a biblical perspective? From my reading I believe the author was right on time with each of the fourteen chapters. Living and dying is a chapter that really touched home when it talked about Hospice. Some things we just don’t want to face, but we have to accept that many people are living with serious illness for years, and this is something I did not know of my father. There are many authors that write book from other experience, but this is coming from their heart, and that is what makes it so personal to me and others that has gone through death with someone that they care about. This is a book that everyone needs to read to better understand the grieving process in another person. I have heard people make the comment, “It’s time for him/her to move on.” That’s not absolute true, because each grieving process is different in each person’s life. I agree that we all must be prepared for death one day, ever though we do not want to think about it. “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.” We must have hope that there is some here after, but it is ok to mourn, and weep. Understanding Dying, Death & Bereavement give you hope, just as the word of God. Each chapter can be tied into a biblical perspective of life comes, and when it does, you are preparing to die. “Whereas you don't know what your life will be like tomorrow. For what is your life? For you are a vapor, that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away.” (James 4:14)

Running heading: Understanding Dying, Death, & Bereavement

Application This whole book was very helpful, even through my father passed over five years ago, this book have given me additional understanding of the grieving process and the different steps that will help me in my time I am thinking about him. Whereas now, it a different grieving process which I feel myself grieving for my sisters lot of her husband and my best friend and frat brother. If a person has never gone through death, studying to become a grief counselor, this is a book I will be recommend to them to receive understanding. I know about the different culture tradition but not fully understood, whereas this book enlightens you especially if you are going to travel to other countries. As we look at what is going on in the world today, where death is occurring quicker that birth (my option) in the field that I am in (counseling, pastoral), I need to continue to educate myself through reading not only writings from Leming, but other writing from different authors as well. Counseling someone that has lost a love one, friend is a very delicate situation, and I need to be able to understand, who I am in Christ, in order to be able to have compassion, for that person I may be counseling. Understanding Dying, has had little influence on me continuing my own personal and professional growth process, but it has given me additional knowledge to needing the needs of the one that are grieving.

Running heading: Understanding Dying, Death, & Bereavement...