How to spot a Liar TED TALK PDF

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How t ospotaLi ar Recommendat i on Like the proverbial tree falling in an empty wood, a lie reverberates only when recipients choose to believe it; that is, liars need enablers in order to fib successfully. How can you identify the prevaricators in your life? Expert “liespotter” Pamela Meyer reveals a few tips to help you distinguish between fact and fiction. getAbstract honestly believes everyone can benefit from her lessons.

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Everyone lies. White lies are generally harmless. Their purpose is to save face or to display tact. However, larger lies can have devastating consequences. A lie has power only when the recipients are complicit participants in the deception. While most people profess to abhor lying, it’s culturally acceptable. Lies and deceptions are imbedded in society’s social practices. All humans exhibit similar speech and body language patterns when lying. To spot deceit, be on guard; observe, ask questions and listen closely to the answers.

Summar y Everyone lies. Telling white lies is often an innocuous social maneuver to save face or show tact. However, larger lies are harmful and can have devastating consequences. For example, swindler Bernie Madoff and FBI double agent Robert Hanssen caused real harm to ruinous effect. Con man Henry Oberlander was such an accomplished liar that he is said to have accrued enough power to compromise the banking system of the Western world. In fact, corporate fraud costs in the United States were just under $1 trillion in 2010. “Lying has evolutionary value to us as a species...The more intelligent the species, the larger the neocortex, the more likely it is to be deceptive.” Lying is a “cooperative act.” A lie has legs only when the recipients are complicit participants in the deception. Humans wish to excel even in the areas of their lives where they feel lacking. Telling lies, or choosing to believe other people’s untruths, are attempts to fill these voids. Most people profess to abhor lying, yet it’s culturally acceptable. On average, married couples lie to each other in one out of ten conversations. Upon meeting, strangers lie three times within the first ten minutes. Infants fake a cry to garner attention; one-year-olds try to conceal misbehavior, while adolescents lie to their parents constantly.

“We wish we were better husbands, better wives, smarter, more powerful, taller, richer – the list goes on. Lying is an attempt to bridge that gap, to connect our wishes and our fantasies about who we wish we were...with what we’re really like.” Becoming adept at spotting fabrications is your only recourse. Training can help increase your lie detection ability. All humans exhibit the same patterns when lying. Speech mannerisms are very revealing. For instance, while dissembling, people resort to formal language, punctuate their talk with distancing phrases, or use “qualifying language” such as “to tell you the truth” or “in all candor.” Body language also speaks volumes. As Freud observed, “No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips.” Fibbers tend to stiffen their upper bodies and try to convey honesty by holding your gaze. “We’re against lying, but we’re covertly for it in ways that our society has sanctioned for centuries and centuries and centuries. It’s as old as breathing. It’s part of our culture.” Ultimately, the best indicator of honesty is attitude. Truthful people cooperate, offer suggestions, provide details and act indignantly when wrongly accused. Dishonest people offer too many details, behave inconsistently or modulate their voices inappropriately. They tell stories in chronological order, having rehearsed the fabrication ahead of time. Yet their true feelings often peek through the facade. For example, they may smile at the wrong time, or give a small negative headshake while they’re saying yes. When you spot several deceptive tells, pay close attention. Without aggression, ask questions and listen carefully to the answers. Don’t mistake oversharing, a symptom of today’s connected world, for honesty. Most of all, don’t collaborate, willingly or unwillingly, in other people’s deceit....